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Making Mistakes is Learning

A lesson with age

By J.R. SonderPublished 3 years ago 3 min read
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Making Mistakes is Learning
Photo by Nguyen Dang Hoang Nhu on Unsplash

To a certain extent, mistakes teach us lessons.

A couple of days ago, my friend's 13-year-old leapt for joy on FaceTime as he detailed his 100% on a maths exam. "I know you don't like math," he said. "But I'm so happy I got 100%. I don't like making mistakes. I like to be perfect."

He stared at me, eyes wide, on edge for my response and approval.

Not his parent, and fifteen years older, I had to approach my response with delicate wisdom.

To myself, I considered several responses, which flashed before me like I imagine my life will flash before my eyes when I die.

I could say, "Wow. You got the highest possible amount you could get. Brilliant." But, an experience roared in my head, "Wow. Why didn't you get 101?" Therein lies the contradiction of perfection. It's subjective. Living life based on someone else's idea of perfection is a surefire way to undermine your confidence, attack your self-esteem, and fast track yourself to a therapist's office.

Why do we fear making mistakes?

At 28, I've made more mistakes than a 13-year-old because I've had more time to. With my eyes on the past through a memory lens, some mistakes are so obvious I flush to the roots of my hair in embarrassment. Others, out of nowhere, were great learning curves.

However, learning curves are more likely than not experienced with the future self, reflection and change in action. The present self just needs to get through it.

Maybe you fear making mistakes because you're 13 and grapple for sanity between puberty and childhood, and the only constant is the love of your parents, with some who express it in their approval. Or, maybe you're nearly 30, but mentally, emotionally, you're still 13-years-old, on edge for approval.

Then again, you might be the opposite and refuse to be a single iota like your parents or the people who raised you.

For a large portion of us, we don't love every part of ourselves. We seek more, seek better. We do so by ignoring or healing our wounds and trauma.

Some of us are rooted in the idea that perfection is the solution. By never making mistakes, we will always be perfect, and therefore, we will always be accepted.

There is more to perfection than its instability as a subjective aspect of life. Perfection is also the end of the road. If something is perfect, hasn't it reached its peak? So, if you have reached the highest level of attainment on a subject, where else is there to go?

And what about the genius that comes from mistakes. If Percy LeBaron Spencer's chocolate bar hadn't melted in his pocket, he wouldn't have invented the microwave. What a tragedy. We wouldn't have antibiotics if Dr Fleming hadn't left cultures in his lab for two weeks to discover Penicillium notatum.

I'm allergic to penicillin, but that's not the point of this sentiment.

Finally, the idea that not all mistakes are necessary flashed before me. You have to take responsibility for your actions so as not to make unnecessary mistakes. I didn't do my homework because I forgot, it was a mistake. But the truth might be, I didn't do my homework because I chose to stay on the PlayStation.

I didn't want to say that people aren't going to make mistakes towards him too. Like friends who hurt you after ten years of friendship. Or loved ones who take their pain out on you.

Indeed, my response had to be delicate.

Still on the other end of the FaceTime, wide-eyed and on edge, he waited for my response and approval. Under pressure, I took a deep breath and leant on my wisdom.

I said, "I'm so proud of you. But you should try and think that sometimes making mistakes is learning."

He changed the subject to WWE Raw.

His jaw dropped when we calculated I had watched it since before he was born.

And he asked me, "Why are you so old?"

My next response was not as delicate.

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J.R. Sonder

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