Look mom, I made it!

Becoming a mom is never something that we ultimately have all the answers to in the beginning. Everyone has their ideal picture perfect dream for how they believe they would be as a mom in the future however we really don’t know What lies ahead of us until we are in bedded in the situation it’s self. When I became a mom I definitely knew that I did not have all the answers in the beginning. “Why do you ask”?, Well because I was a child myself, 16 to be exact, so having a child was most certainly not the best thing to do at the moment, however, it was written for me to be a mom before I was ready. Of course I am now at a state of being very content with how my life is ended up. as a 37-year-old woman I am very happy with the children that God has given me.

I have done my very absolute best to raise my children in the best manner that I could possibly do. I have always had a very strong family structure and a backbone to know the rights and wrongs and a very strong set of women in my life!

Women that have not only went through some of the similar things that I’ve gone through but have also had my back along the way to help me and I utilize the wisdom that they gave me to be able to manage, cope, and woman up to face the music as a pertained to being an adult before my time! My life has not been the easiest by far, my own mother chose to not be a mother. I learned that at the adolescent age of 11. Did it shock me?, yes!! did I feel betrayed?, Absolutely!! Was my young mind filled with so many questions?, Yes! Did I know who to go to to get the answers?, Yes! However, I did not know how to approach the situation simply because I was so emotionally damaged.

So many mental scars where left. To know that I had to go through life trying to figure out what I did so wrong to make my mother feel that I was not worthy enough for her time, attention and most importantly her love. This is not meant to be a sad story because I have utilized my story to be relatively someone else’s revelation into learning how to no matter what, take what you’ve been given from the Lord and move forward with a positive understanding.

An understanding that there is a reason or a purpose for your placement in this life. We’re not going to make this fully about my mother because my father had a lot to do with my story as well! He also chose the road of not keeping his responsibilities but at the end of the day I can say that he was the worlds best dad and should have gained that reward before he passed away! I was too young to give it to him.

At 8 I had already lost a lot and had no idea that I was about to lose even more. The gift that my father gave me, exists with me every day of my life.

My father blessed me the gift of not allowing for his child to be placed in the system. He gave me the opportunity to have a somewhat of a normal future. He reached out to one of his closest siblings, a sister named Patricia who he trusted in, someone who I believe I can say that he looked up to. She would of course be considered as my aunt at the time but she ultimately evolved into the role of being my mother.

My father asked his sister to look out for his child and to take care of his child as he himself and the mother of his child we’re not able to. My aunt became legally my parent/mother when I was about six months old by way of a judge and a gavel. Know..that there, was something that made me forget completely about the pain, the emotional roller coaster, the wonders, the worries, the neglect and everything else that I felt originally about my biological mother!

This is why every day of my life I am able to walk this earth with complete and utter happiness. I am at peace! I hate no one in my situation! Everyone played a role in this situation including myself. If I allow or would have allowed a bitter heart within myself, I would not be able to say that I am now a woman that has not aged since middle school. I have always been told that I have a look that never changed.

That is because I feel that when you allow your stresses to get the best of you that is when your world turns. It’s also when you start looking like what you’ve been through! I love ME,my life and what God has given me! No I am not rich monetary wise,no I am not married, No I dont have a big house with a fence and security guards standing outside, No it has not been as easy as the next person who was brought up with a silver spoon and parents that were together blissfully in love with the world at their exposure! What I did have was love!

I was given a second chance with a family and I grew up self therapeuting myself so I was always able to work with myself internally! Sure I cry and get down about things because I’m human, and I am a woman! Its not that hard of a battle when you are the one who can look in the mirror and say “I am OK with this life.”