Living - Am I Worth it?

Have you ever been sick for what seems like forever, or gone to jail? Jail is a little dramatic, but you see what I mean. Something happened that you had no control over, but you were there for what seemed like forever at that time. Did you stop and really think during that time? STOP! Think for a minute. Reflect on yourself.

Self-reflection is like looking at yourself in the mirror. I don’t know about you, but I hate looking in the mirror. I just see all of my physical flaws. I think I’m fat, I have bags under my eyes. That’s all I see. Sometimes, we have to look beyond our physical self.

If we don’t like our hair, it’s an easy fix. If we don’t like what we see in our attitude, heart, and soul, it takes time and work. Work takes effort. You may wonder if it’s worth the effort. Are we worth what it’s going take?

When I personally self-reflect, it’s scary. I see an illness called multiple sclerosis (MS). I see anger. I see death. I see my beautiful daughter. I see me helping and teaching others. Not all of what I see is sad or bad, but some is. What did you see in your self-reflection?

Can I fix anything that I see? Can you? If I stop and look at everything, there are some things I can in fact fix. I think hate is a strong word, but I’m about to use it. The very first thing I list when I self-reflect is MS. I hate MS and think it should be called multiple struggles.

Can I fix MS? No I can’t. Here I go again with hate, but I hate that I can’t fix it. No one can fix it. My brain is pretty fucked up. I can barely walk and have to use a cane. Does that give me a reason to be angry? I think so, but anger is pissing the people off that help me and holding me back. I don’t like to lose or be a failure. So I think I can work on my anger. You see how this self-reflection thing works? It’s like relationships; you can’t always get your way.

Anger causes stress. Stress causes exacerbation with MS, I don’t want to hurt myself, yet that’s what I’m doing. So what can I do? Just like with anything, I have a choice. Just like you. People are always saying, “Well you had a choice”. It makes you want to slap them, but they are right. Choices run our lives in so many ways.

If you look at your life, do you see choices? I see my choice, but I’m not to happy with what the choice is, which is working on my anger. I kind of like being mad at MS. Being mad is not doing me any favors. It’s a choice, just like you, I have a choice.

If I choose to stay angry, it makes me sicker. If I’m sicker, I can’t help others. Helping others is my purpose in life. What is your purpose? We all have one, we just have to figure out what it is.

Think of someone that said you made their day or thank you for helping me or listening to me. Write those down. You may think they are insignificant. Someone didn’t think that. You are really good at doing those things . That’s your purpose or part of your purpose. Even finding your purpose takes effort. Is IT worth the effort?

Finding your life purpose is life changing. When you wake up, you feel like you have a reason to get up. Dr. Kate Siner sums it up well:

https://katesiner.com/when-you-find-your-purpose.

Dr. Siner states that you feel more confident and focused after you self-reflect. Who wouldn’t want to feel that way?! I already know you are strong, because you are taking the time to self-reflect, and that can be draining. If you want positive changes in your life, self-reflect. I can promise I will and when we do it, we won’t regret it.