Lighten the F%&# Up!

WHOLEHEARTED LIVING—What is it?

At the beginning of the year, I resigned from my full time job to follow a passion. A passion to support people to live with less fear and less self-doubt. To be kinder and more caring. To really nurture our kids and honour and care for the aged, wise ones. To value relationships, community, and the planet.

I had so many different ideas in my mind of what exactly that looked like, who I could teach and who I would work with, based on my skills and experience. One day it was empowering women to be confident, strong family and community leaders. Then the next day it was to include men, because they need to be that too. Then to support the "sandwich generation" on navigating life whilst caring for aging parents, when you have children (often adult children) still at home; managing aging parents; working with addiction; living through divorce and single parenting; putting more creativity, play, fun and laughter into life.

WHAT IS MY SPECIALTY?

The obvious thing: To teach and share is what I know; particularly things I have a passion for and have navigated through in my own life, to be where I am at now. Of which, all of the above are included. To teach others to feel more confident and fulfilled, with an amazing sense of freedom. Freedom from my own head chatter bullying me and keeping me small. Free from feeling I need to be a certain way to be accepted. Free of fear of the unknown and uncertain. Free of the fear of abandonment or rejection. Free of the fear of asking for support. Living wholeheartedly; being comfortable with who I am, which brings more creativity, play, fun and laughter into life.

I have not spent 40 years working in one job or industry, climbing a ladder of some kind in a more or less linear fashion. I have spent 40 years dancing around, following my heart to find what feels good to me. The main skill or character trait I required was the courage to change. The courage to quit a job and learn something new. The courage to follow the golden thread.

So, if you were my Facebook friend, that is why you would see such a variety of things on my feed.

AVOIDING AND NUMBING

Despite appearing very capable and confident on the outside, on the inside I spent a lifetime feeling inadequate, not good enough, and like I didn't belong. Fearing speaking to anyone and sharing my opinion, I was emotionally shut down because "nobody understands me, anyway." I now realise I was not fearful of connection, but more so of the possibility of ridicule, rejection, or abandonment.

I was not taught to create goals or encouraged to pursue anything that I was interested in or had a natural flare for. So, consequently, I didn't want to commit to one direction in life, just in case it was the "wrong" one, and I would be criticised for doing it. At some stage, I decided if I was to get anywhere, I had to do it all by myself, so I had to be fiercely independent because I didn't trust anyone to fully support me.

At 19, to deal with the discomfort, I bought a Campervan and hit the road. The problem was, that I did not have direction. I "ran away" from the pain and then suppressed it with partying through drugs. I avoided and numbed.

LIGHTEN THE F%&# UP!

I now know that everyone experiences similar things, navigating the seriousness of finding our place in the pecking order of family, community and life in general. Navigating the feelings that pop up. Finding the courage to speak our mind and heart. Finding someone to listen, hear and support you through whatever the heck is going on.

Instead of reaching out for support, many people put on a brave face or mask, to make it look like all is great. Like staying in an unhealthy relationship, pretending all is fine. Others avoid and pretend the issue/discomfort/pain is not there at all and live in denial. Some resort to addictions: cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, work, shopping, eating, sex, gambling, risky behaviours, and loads more interesting pursuits.

So I reckon, we all need to lighten the f%&# up, and realise that all of this is a part of being human. Humans are hard wired to connect with, care for, and support each other. Stop living in fear and take the steps required to make life more enjoyable every day. Everything will not change overnight, but if you do not make a start, it will not happen at all. Ever! You will sit on that treadmill of "this is my lot in life" for your entire existence.

START WHOLEHEARTED LIVING

Let go of fear, drama, and chaos by actively engaging in life and living. Lean into the discomfort and pain, to release it, rather than carrying it around, inflicting it on others and continually re-hashing the same old story.

Like I have done, you can learn to:

• Start reaching out for support and taking the action to make the changes.
• Start dreaming big and believe you can achieve those dreams.
• Start trusting yourself and listening to your body and intuition.
• Stop being so self-absorbed in perfection or not being good enough.
• Stop worrying about what others think.
• Stop isolating yourself because you feel different. Embrace your difference, that is your unique superpower.
• Stop worrying what is the right and or wrong decision, and being paralysed by it. Just give something a go
• …and all the other stuff that is getting in the way of you being the best version of yourself.

I admit that not every day is fabulous, but knowing that I have the resilience, tools, and support to move through it has made life so, so, so much more awesome. You should try it!

Free yourself to live a life to the fullest by accepting yourself as you are, having the courage to step into a place of vulnerability to take the steps to embracing wholehearted living. I am sure you will love it!

Want to know how I can support you to make the changes you want? Send me an email at [email protected].

"Life is a dance between vulnerability and courage. Dare to dance."—Kim Townsend

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