Letting Go to Make it Work

I used to to have a lot of ideas about how things should be done. I’d struggle trying to make everything I did fit into some perfect little box.

I worked my ass off to make my life check all the boxes. I chose a major and got a college degree (because that’s how you get the big successful job). I tried to make my relationships look picture perfect. Which meant I became the person I thought they wanted & tried to anticipate everything that might make them happy. When I started my business, I’d jump from one strategy to another trying to set mine up just like every other successful businesses.

What did I get for all that effort?

A life filled with things I didn't care about doing and a bunch of stuff I didn't like. Relationships that looked good on paper, but were all about the other person. And a business that was in a constant state of struggle because I was forcing myself to fit in someone else's mold (sometimes many mods at once).

I completely lost myself because I was so focused on trying to be perfect for everyone else. My whole life had been filled with rules of how things must be done. How things should look. What things I needed to accomplish before I could consider myself worthy. You probably grew up with those same messages.

Those messages make letting go of how it should be done one of the biggest challenges when you're starting something new.

You should definitely look at people with similar ideas or who have what you want for inspiration. See what works for others. Ask yourself what it is about their way that speaks to you. Look for all the things you love about the way people are getting their results.

Notice what in their process you don't want. And remember you don't have to do it.

If it's a key piece, like accounting, you not doing it could look like hiring someone to take care of that piece.

If the thought of joining a gym makes you cringe, don't join a gym. Try kayaking or rock climbing or spending the afternoon chasing your niece around the playground (climbing, sliding, swinging, and running in sand is a workout).

I work with a girl who loves making videos, but hates editing them. Instead of forcing herself to struggle through the editing process (which would probably result in her making less videos) she hired an assistant to take care of the editing.

I can't tell you how many times I tried to force myself to do things that didn't align with my style. Or set goals based on priorities that belonged to someone else.

I'd end up procrastinating the things I was forcing & I never cared when I reached the goal. Honestly reaching the goal usually felt like I was creating more work for myself. I got the bigger house, which meant more cleaning. More rooms to furnish (I did like that part). A lawn to take care of (not my thing). More bills. For what, so people I didn't care about could come by and tell me how beautiful my house was?

Everything you want is a reflection of your core self. It only makes sense that your version of what you want would be unique to you.

It's natural to look at how it's previously been done, but you have to remember that it's not the only way.

I approach everything with, what I call, the Frankenstein Method. Look at all the ideas, techniques, and processes that other people use. Figure out how they fit together for your version. Picture the finished product, what pieces do you need to make it work? Take what aligns with you and you leave the rest.

You don't have to reinvent the wheel, you're just need the right wheel for the job.