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Writing is good to clear the mind

By Pamela DirrPublished about a year ago 5 min read
Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

She knew she wanted more out of life. But she wasn’t sure exactly what it was that she wanted. She is content. She has a job (multiple jobs actually). She has a place to live. She has a car. She has her cat. She always struggles to pay her bills (but she gets them paid). She’s single and she doesn’t have any kids. Many people look down at her because she’s single and has no kids. But she’s learned to not let that bother her. It’s her life and not theirs. If they want to be judgmental about anything then she doesn’t need them in her life anyway. And people are very, very, very judgmental about her.

According to some people she can’t so anything right. Some people want to try to control her life. But they’re not the ones living her life. They’re not the ones paying the bills. She works hard. She works many hours a week. She works six days a week. She works a combination of day, evening, night, and even overnight hours. People think she’s lazy when she wants to stay home and relax. She’s not lazy. She’s definitely not lazy. She wants to sleep when she’s exhausted. Is that really a bad thing? She doesn’t think so. She’s taking care of herself. And when she is awake when she’s not working, she’s catching up on work in her apartment. She makes lists so she doesn’t forget what needs to be done. Why is that frowned upon by people?

Right before she sat down to write this, she was on the phone with a friend. A friend who has never, ever judged her. A friend who might not always agree with her, but who always tells her to do what she feels is the best thing for her. Those are the friends that she needs in her life. She doesn’t need to the nay-sayers in her life. She doesn’t want the nay-sayers in her life.

She was recently reminded of toxic people in her life. Well, not actually reminded of – but more of made aware of – those toxic people in her life. The people who are friends to her face, but then get joy in going out of their way for her to fail. Those who she hasn’t heard from in a while, but they had always told her that they were friends. She’s not making the first move anymore to catch up with them. If they want to still be in her life, they can contact her and then she can decide if she still wants them in her life or not.

She doesn’t need any negativity in her life. She wants to move on and make her life better than it is. And she’s trying so hard to do that. That’s why she works 3 jobs. That’s why she works 6 days a week. That’s why she works no less than 50 hours a week. She needs to keep paying her bills. She needs to be able to put food on the table. She needs to have a car to drive. She needs to have a place to live. She has those things. She wants to be able to keep them.

She knows to not spend money unless she must. And even then, sometimes she doesn’t want to spend money. Gas prices are high right now. She needs a tank of gas to last 2 weeks instead of 1 week. So, she is careful about how far she drives. If she needs to run errands, she plans them for on her way home from work. The less miles driven the better. If she can walk somewhere, she will. Some people take it personally that she can’t afford to drive far these days. It’s not personal though. She just can’t afford it. She does what she can when she can.

She tries her best. She has a lot of skills and a lot of work experience. Many people don’t appreciate what she knows and would rather talk down to her instead of being a positive in her life. Those people are probably jealous for whatever reason. She has started to cut those people out of her life. She doesn’t need their negativity. She’s got a lot going for her and she doesn’t need people bringing her down to their level.

Does she wish she had a house? Well, yes and no. Yes, because she’d love to live in a house. But she does like that she doesn’t have to worry about the things that come with owning a house. She doesn’t have a lawn to worry about. She doesn’t have a property to maintain. She’s in an apartment, so, her landlord takes care of things. All she has to do is call him and he’ll see what needs to be fixed.

It’s a nice little 2-bedroom apartment. All her furniture is hand-me-down furniture. She’s ok with that. It doesn’t all match. She’s ok with that too. At least she has furniture. She’s able to call it home. It’s not spotless, but it’s comfortable. When you walk into her living room, you can sense that it’s lived in. She has some clutter, but it’s functional clutter. You can tell that she doesn’t just sit at home all the time. You can see that she is a very busy woman and that she is constantly doing something. You can tell that she works a lot. Her cat’s belongings seem to take up much of the apartment. Cat beds and cat toys all over the place. But it doesn’t look messy, disorganized, or unkempt. You can tell that she takes good care of her cat. She’s doing the best she can. She should never be faulted for that.

She chooses to keep her circle small. She has been hurt so many times in the past by people who supposedly were true friends who would never hurt her. It’s unfortunate that she has had to cut so many of them out of her life over the past few years. She has built up a wall that will be up for a long time.


About the Creator

Pamela Dirr

I like to write based on my personal experiences. It helps me clear my mind. We all go through things in life. Good things. Not so good things. My experiences might also help other people with things that they might be going through.

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