Just another chapter in this book called life.

As I get older my youth just seems further and further away. I am a fresh 31 year old female that feels more lost then I have ever felt before. When trying to piece together memories from my past it feel like that person is nothing but a stranger. They say you block out trauma in your life and it sure seems to me that those dramatic memories have clouded out all of the rest.

Two weeks. Two weeks max. I get a solid two weeks at a time where life flows at a steady calm. When things seems to be going pretty alright I don’t get too comfortable. Getting comfortable makes the rapping up the ass by life hurt that much more. That other shoe will always drop. And no doubt the shit will surely hit the fan and at full force none the less.

Though it seems life doesn’t like me very much, it doesn’t keep me from attempting to be its friend. I mean I’m not that dumb, I know that we will never be besties. And don’t worry, I know it will also never not knock me down from time to time. But damn, lately she just doesn’t seem to want to let up.

All of the hard times have seemed like the end of the world. During those times it was impossible to see a way out or a path away from the chaos. I have always been able to push through and eventually make it back to the steady calm. The impacts are life changing but by accepting and embracing the change moving forward just naturally happens.

Do I like the person that I feel I’ve been forced to become?? Do I feel if things went differently that I’d be more stable?? Luck?? Does this all boil down to having bad luck in life??

With each and every blow it seems to be getting harder to push for the steady calm. My support group is getting smaller and smaller as the days go on. But who can blame people?? Always lending an ear and words of advice to a person who’s life is out to get them must be exhausting. Plus it doesn’t help any that due to this I’ve also disconnected. Ignoring the issues or trying to not worry about them is my coping mechanism. Why drag out something and let it consume your world?? No matter what it’s going to do it’s damage and leave you to pick up the pieces all by yourself. Not letting the issue fully devour you will help you be stronger in order to push through.

As I continue to blog, I will share more about my experiences with life handing my ass to me on a silver platter. I know I am not alone with this on going struggle but I also know that no one struggle is the same. I’m not here saying that mine are worse then anyone else’s. I just know that if I had someone sharing their low moments with me that it may have been easier for me to handle my own situations.

We are all human. And believe it or not we are all living in these books called life. No two books are the same but each are made of pages just waiting to be turned. Some are going to be very difficult to flip while other chapters are going to flow with the breeze. If my book could help just one person to make it through their own difficult chapter then to me, it’ll all be worth it!!!