It's Time to Break the Cycle

It’s time to break the cycle.

The one that keeps you from doing anything, everything that you want to achieve in life. All the adventures you want to go on. The places you want to see. The new foods you want to try. Every state and country you want to visit on your bucket list. It’s time to find your soulmate if that’s what you desire. Time to try that ice cream you've been wanting to try but you can’t because you get ‘bloated’. It’s time to put in that work and lose that weight, or gain it!

It’s time to embrace life, even in these trying times. It’s time to say goodbye to all the negative people and things in your life that absolutely completely drain you. Whether it be family, friends, a significant other, or even that job that wants your time but doesn't wanna give the money for it.

2022 is approaching quickly. It’s already November and I feel like I’m still in May. But not a day went by where I questioned;

What do I do now?

I myself have been in an endless cycle with myself. I’ve been going through the same phases and I haven’t been sure how to stop or what to do…. Until now.

I don’t know what’s even more tiring than feeling lost, and confused all the time. Well, other than feeling STUCK.

I’ve been fighting this one cycle over and over and over;

Depression -> Awakening -> Progress -> Sudden Life Changing Obstacle That Sets Me Back Again, and then the cycle repeats itself. Just like that. Literally. It took me the last 4, almost 5, years to realize it.

I’m not trying to be dramatic. I’m being 100% honest. I’ve literally been repeating that same cycle over and over. Depression has been a part of my life for a couple of years now. I’ve talked to my doctor about it, and friends who’ve been through the same. And I’ve come to the conclusion that the best way for myself to get through it was to stick it out, feel through it, and pick myself back up again. No matter HOW LONG it takes. It’s the only way to keep myself going. And once I did or do, I always had this moment of awakening. Like, “Dude you needed that, this is your reset!”

I know I may sound crazy but as I've gotten older I’ve become more introverted, and being that I am I don’t vent too often. And because I don’t vent too often my emotions, feelings, everything just gets bottled up. And then comes my dear friend depression making it’s grand entrance. Once I can break free of it or at least subside it after days, weeks, or even months I feel good enough to try again. Once I start trying I can genuinely see progress. And progress is good enough to make me the happiest person in the world. Because it’s proof that I haven’t given up. That I still got it. But then that’s when the cycle goes into its next phase, getting ready to restart…

Enter the Sudden Life Changing Obstacle That Sets Me Back Again phase. This is the part of the phase that needs to be broken before anything else.

Now I go to say this, I can sometimes overreact on situations that don't tend to be that big of a deal. HOWEVER, when I am actually trying and putting in work and a random obstacle just gets thrown at me like a fast pitch, I freak out!

My biggest obstacle yet? My family. I love them very much, but they drive me insane and are absolutely NO HELP. And because I am now taking care of my grandmother, and writing to make money they think that I’m just being lazy and that I have it easy.

However, taking care of the elderly (in this case an elderly with dementia) isn’t for the weak. And having to put your life on hold, and hoping that someone reads your story this week to get paid isn’t exactly ideal living either. But writing is a hobby and passion, so I can't really complain about that. All smiles over here.

Either way, there hasn’t been a year where I haven’t had some major obstacle to come over. Depression itself, taking care of my grandma, having to leave my first home, getting sick (multiple times), or even losing multiple friends (in more ways than one) I had to go through them all alone, and then repeat my cycle once again.

What I will say though, is that in all this time I never gave up on putting myself back together. Every single year I took the time to figure out what in life is it that I want to do, where I want to go, and how I want to change my life for the better. My conclusion?

Do it all for yourself and break that cycle.

I’ve learned that it’s okay to be selfish sometimes. I’ve also learned that some things you have to do for yourself because no one else will do it for you! No one else SHOULD do it for you, because it’s not their life to live.

Sometimes it's about putting your foot down, putting on your big girl pants (or boy), and putting in the work to make that change.

If you want to go to L.A and see that one concert for a day, plan that trip ahead or just simply go for it! You want to lose that weight, you better go to that gym! Can't get to the gym, move that coffee table and make some space. You want to gain that weight, figure out what works for you and if you need a food buddy I am always available, lol. If your family or friend(s) is getting on your nerves, or is in any way toxic, move in silence, do what you have to do, and take those steps to get your sanity back!

It’s time to break cycles! It’s time to do what we want for ourselves without question. Change is okay. Change can be great. But everything takes time and effort, and if we don’t put in the work all of our dreams will be worth nothing.

How will you break your cycle?