It's ok to not have a plan!

From a very young age, I thought I had it all figured out. I had a plan, I was doing well at school, on my way to get into a well known University. I was going to get a well-paying job and get filthy rich.

I had it all figured out!

And being brought up in a middle-class Indian home, I was always hyper-aware of the value of money, and this definitely shaped how I planned my future. My goal for the longest time was "To be super-rich and not worry about any financial limitations " and because I had a low key dream to go on a no-budget shopping spree.

So I did what I had to do, studied my ass off and got into my dream college. That was in 2018. So according to "the plan" I was supposed to graduate this year and find a well-paying job. Now mind you not "the job of my dreams'' but a one that paid well. Because pursuing a passion and making a career out of it was nor even an option. I didn't want to be a starving artist now did I? At least that was how my perception of having a career doing what you are passionate about was.

But who knew that life would be having some other plans for me altogether…?

I'm sure that all of you are aware of the “Coronavirus”. Yes, you got it right the pandemic ruined my plan.

Don't get me wrong, I do understand that there are people out there who have lost their lives, loved ones who are suffering and potentially all of mankind is majorly distressed and in panic. This no doubt scares me to the extent that I might have conveniently blocked some of it out.

Now because of this “Roadblock”, nothing was going according to “the plan” and I couldn't change or modify this so-called life plan because “How can I plan if I don’t know the future?” even something as simple as “Will I be able to leave my house to get groceries tomorrow?” I didn't know what to do with my life. I didn't know what was going to happen next.

I didn't have a plan anymore.

But the realisation that "it's ok to not have a plan" had yet to come and it came along with the five stages of grief. Along with a lesson that taught me that time has a wonderful way of showing us what really matters.

Stage 1: Denial

I still remember when the news about the epidemic started to spread, the common reaction was “It’s a rumour nothing to worry about”, “It's a marketing gimmick by China” some said and my favourite "the conspiracy theories" that were discussed everywhere. In classrooms, during lunch and even while travelling. 

For the longest time. I had no idea about the virus and how serious it was getting. All because it wasn't directly affecting me or someone close to me. So like everyone else I ignored it. Completely unaware of the catastrophic events that were soon to come.

Then came March 2020 which means end semester exams. Everyone I know is stressed. Trying to absorb every drop of information they can only to flood their answer sheets and forget about the traumatizing memory of ever writing the paper.

But after giving one of my exams they announced the lockdown. Everyone was to be self quarantined and absolutely no one was to step outside their homes. This brought about a lot of confusion, panic and anger among people.

Stage 2: Anger

I was confused at first not knowing if I had to give my exams or not and if not, will I pass the year? This made me panic because this was not according to "the plan" and so it made me angry. Because …

Plan = structure, a defined road map to success.

No plan = chaos and disorganization, the perfect recipe for failure.

 And so I was angry because now, I didn't have it all figured out.

Stage 3: Bargaining

I didn't even know what was going to happen the next week. so obviously I couldn't possibly plan anymore. But what I also couldn't stop doing was thinking about what I was going to do now. So here I was sitting at home with nothing to do, having all the time in the world. I was stressed out of my mind by putting it mildly.

That's when the famous phrase "if only" kept playing on a loop in my head.

“ If only it had happened a week later”

“ If only it weren’t that serious”

“ If only people weren't actually dying”

“ If only there was a cure”

Stage 4: Depression

Everyone has a different perspective of what depression feels like. Basically, it is a low point in life where you feel despair and dejected. I remember feeling miserable, being victimized by negative emotions and thoughts. and most off all feeling helpless.

Because when something goes wrong, your life just says "plot twist" and moves on. Leaving you behind looking like a blubbering idiot.

I was scared and insecure and these emotions are harder to deal with when you are isolated. So all I did was overthink about my uncertain future for months. And I truly felt hopeless and vulnerable and needed some sense of control over this situation that was out of my grasp.

But eventually, it got better. Even though it took months. But remembering, that the situation I was in wasn't permanent, that it wasn't my final destination and it could only get better if I tried. So I accepted the hand life had dealt me and decided not to fold.

Stage 5: Acceptance

During the time I was stuck at home, I completed a few online courses. I read a shit ton of books and decided to start writing again. Basically, I tried to do something productive with the time I had.

Soon the world also accepted the situation for what it was. Schools and colleges adapted to the online mode of education. Pants were no longer required to be worn during meetings and Work from home became the new favourite.

Ultimately, I realized that by not having a plan, I am giving myself a wide array of opportunities to choose from in my future. There is no concrete plan anymore. I can do the things that I want to do, that I like to do and realizing this made me feel less insecure about my lack of planning. My fear of the future has lessened as a result.

I learnt that it is perfectly alright to know what you want to do and where you want to end up in life. But it is also ok to not have it all figured out. Opportunities pop out of nowhere during such times. Just be careful and don't let your vision for the future confine you. It is incredible if you have set goals and are striving to achieve them, but don't let them blind you to the possibilities out there.

“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.”

- J. P. Morgan