Instincts, In a Sense
The compass of misdirections
How many people do you believe lied to you when you asked for directions to a specific location? The common answer would probably be the question of why someone would lie about directions in the first place. It's wise to keep thinking that way, but let's explore the hypotheticals. Say the right way was always left, but out of confusion or some other decision, someone told you "go right at the stop sign, you can't miss it". You don't "know" the right answers the first time around, and you're kind of forced to go and "find out the truth" for yourself. Now under normal circumstances, you end up getting more lost and you ask again, this time getting more details and landmarks to seek to ensure you don't get lost again. Now imagine you haven't left your bedroom yet. Who do you think you were talking to?
If you said "yourself", then you're capable of thought and there are no spirits possessing you, I assume. But often, we as the compass of our desires stumble and struggle through the specifics of "general information". The goal here is to "be happy, find happiness, or some iteration of having both", but the infinite ways to get there leaves the "road best travelled" up to interpretation. You don't intend on lying when asking yourself for directions in life, but where you're going could be such a paved, yellow brick road in your head that the "scenic route" always seems more of a "tale to tell" once you get there. We don't often see them as possible dangers until they are, and if we survive them, we often settle on thinking of who's to blame for all of that unwanted experience. Blame is often more important than solutions; it's a faster process to kill an enemy than to learn to cohabit a planet with them. Perhaps we cannot take some offenses to our nature so calmly. It may be more satisfying to dirty your hands, just this once.
What are you doing?
Does guilt or shame come with that question? Did you fall into another memory of pain? It's okay, it happens. But now, you still have it sitting there like some unanswered question you have on a test that's due in seven minutes. You studied, or didn't study, but this question is something do not have a definite answer to. In some cases, you may feel as though there is nothing there; you're barking at shadows that aren't large to consume, but still have no origin. Light bent out of place by a force unknown. It's scary, when you first get a glimpse of a "mistake", as I like to call them. "Mistakes" can just be little "Caspers" that float around in our plane of existence, its own physical keep lost to dust at an unfamiliar time. They say in Science that "energy cannot be created or destroyed, it just changes form, shape, and matter". An ant can die and become a sun. We can die and reincarnate as the seeds used to feed the larvae of the colonies. In a dimension without conscience, what is blame to an ecosystem? Each creature is given the means of its survival, and its predators are raised to hunt him down to satisfy their bellies. How much sin does a Lion commit?
This isn't to say there isn't "fault" or "blame" to be had, it's just a distraction from the original narrative. Some unnecessary, repetitive side quest meant only to grind you beyond that level range. But this quest was your lifeblood, at one time. This pursuit of meaning to our suffering is an over-written chapter that adds a lot of lore without ever exploring the specifics beyond finding whom made us "victims". By the time we return to the original story, we're left wondering about the unfinished poems and books we found in that dark corner; the languages left untranslated. That yellow road has faded over time, and you probably don't know how long it actually has been. It's not too long, if you and I are here. That's what I want to believe, anyways.
Don't let survival be akin to your strength, as we are not slaves to our instincts. Intelligence permits better for us and more possibility with our understanding of the realm. You do not find "shelter", you seek a "home". You choose your diet at a supermarket that promises you the freshest quality of your meals. Some have no conscious idea of what it means to hunt what you deem "game", and the concept may even scare you, as the only thing keeping you from becoming lesser on anyone's food chain is a collective of promises designed for you hundreds of years ago. You call them "laws", maybe. Morals, ethics, or karma; they all dictate the justification in murdering "human beings", even we find so many relations in the animal kingdom. As God dictates, all the animals on the ground, in the sky, and swimming in the oceans and waters of this planet are our burden to command. Though many are vastly superior in mass, instinct, and their attunement to nature, itself, we surpass all with our intuition and technology. We don't have to teach a man how to create a sword, only how to use it, or much less, put it in his hand. How many uses does one such as a human find for a tool of destruction outside harm or death? So under the strict logic of insanity, "game" is any thing and any one you deem "justified to kill for sport".
Don't worry; nothing happens until you swing the bat. Or so we say to ourselves to avoid the shame of thinking of it at all. "Premeditated murder" will never be seen hand-in-hand with "self-defense", though both implies perceiving and preparing for an unconscious and unknown enemy, specific to how to end or prevent it. The only difference: one has a sword, and one has a shield. Captain America has always been a testament to the concept of "self-defense", and Jack the Ripper, "premediated murder", respectively. As a soldier, you are holding both in your hands, trained with the knowledge of how to effectively defend and destroy. In the grand scheme of things, I do not wish to harm you or anyone else, but that's not to say one would not consider me a threat or harmful with my words. "The Pen is mightier than the Sword, and Ink can stain Shields just as easy as Blood". Just something I tell myself to remind me of what to write.
My advice: defend; do not destroy. There is no other use for a gun, or a sword, but to destroy. It does not "protect", but there is no shield impenetrable that exists on this plane. So learn to use your pain effectively and pursue justice for it, should you have to. Fear is often the tool necessary to inhibit solutions and promote "satisfaction". Don't fall victim to it, as your mind is often the very devil you truly are trying to kill, once and for all. Thank you for listening; as you help me keep my demons trapped with my realm of ink. I can only hope I'm able to seal yours here with me, when you leave. Until next time, friend.