Inspired souls

Hello it’s been a while,

I didn’t know how I would start this letter off, or whether Anyone would even consider you an inspiration, until I began to really sit down and think what an inspiration you truly are. You never had it easy , since the beginning. You saw such darkness at such an early age losing a father at 4 years old, and not just losing a father but losing a father to suicide. At 4 years old you were consumed with darkness before you could even see the light. That was only the peak as to what was to come of your life. You grew up with a mom that had an addiction problem, and was abused by your step father, even then you were such a free soul, you decided to move out when you were 16 where you would face your demons alone, and you fought a hard battle. While trying to find yourself you got stuck in the battle of searching for happiness in other people, in men. Unfortunately this happiness that was longed for was never found, quite the opposite. Men abused you and took everything from you, there were so many times you were left in the darkness, still searching for the light. You were still searching even when the panic attacks every night started, when you would wake up in tears praying that you can just sleep a single night, you were still searching through the depression that consumed your entire being, that took over like a dark cloud on a rainy day. The days you would do anything to escape the emptiness you found even if that meant taking your own life. A part of you knew you were meant for something more, a part of you held on. You’ve lost everything you worked for several times, you’ve rebuilt yourself just to get knocked down again. You told yourself the story about the three little pigs, the wolf was the darkness and the pigs were a version of yourself, no matter how many times you were knocked down you moved on, with only the sense of hope, in search of that brick house, the day the suffering would end. You stuck through it. You lost a lot of people on your journey, never had family that loved you , friends that weren’t really friends, boyfriends that were only there for a season. You still swam to the surface and reached for the air, no matter what was anchoring you down. You lost your brother , your other half to addiction because he was never able to escape the darkness himself. You knew what was waiting for you behind the corner, like a lion waiting for his meal. You kept going knowing there was something else deep down that wasn’t finished here in this world. Even when you were feeling like your the only person in the entire world , you kept the hope it wouldn’t always be that way. Your story is still not over , your story is just beginning, but the fact of the matter is your still here despite the days you begged God to take your life , despite the people that said you would never make , despite the lack of family love and stability , despite the people that had no regard for your life. You are an inspiration because no matter the pit of nothing that had developed throughout your life , you still chose to climb out. Your an inspiration because someone that sees or hears your struggles but still sees you standing here today might think that they are worth it as well. Your an inspiration because you stand tall and without fear. You battled the world that you were placed in , and your winning everyday. Your an inspiration because no matter how many times someone has hurt you , your heart never grew cold. You see the light in everyone’s darkness, you realized your life here wasn’t to deny your enemies but to show them the light. You are an inspiration because your ability to love anyone casts the shadows away, no matter how many times they didn’t love you back. I don’t believe an inspiration just has to be historic woman, or a CEO of a company. I believe that you can be an inspiration to anyone. In this case, I wrote this letter to myself. I am an inspiration to myself, I look back on my journey and see everything that I have gone through, and I think to myself , I overcame that, I got through it even when I didn’t think I ever would. I am still standing here today with the most genuine heart, and if I can make it through the most lonely road I’ve ever been on, and I can make it through so much loss and carry so much pain, and I can make it through losing everything countless times and still stand tall, then anyone can make it through. You are an inspiration to yourself, you will forever see it through, you are a survivor. The hardest battle to fight is the one within yourself and if you can say that you love you, then you made it. You are your own inspiration, just as I am the inspiration I’ve been searching for, for so many years. So Dear Self, you inspire me to keep going everyday, to keep searching for the light no matter how dark it gets, to see the good when your surrounded by evil, to keep walking when everything was ripped from your feet. You are the only inspiration I will ever need to continue. I love you through your mistakes and pain, you’re continuously fighting armor on and a shield to guide your way. You are a survivor, a warrior.

Sincerely,

Me