If You're Not Mad When You Lose, Don't Send Me Your Contest Entry

Humility is a virtue, right? Perhaps in certain instances of life...

But mostly in the *rehearsal* of life. If you're out living-- out in the performance and not the dress rehearsal, you better be putting on a show.

Someone invented this term "extra" and some of us love it, but we're also all conditioned to monitor it same as we monitor all of the other parts of ourselves. Maybe you're a little "too much" but don't be "TOO" too much.

But why? Why wouldn't I want to be extra? What is it that bothers you about someone or something that's exciting and interesting?

I'm going to have to ask that you stop trying to get me to live my life on low volume because your ears are too sensitive, darlings. This here is my concert and if you need ear plugs, that's fine. But I suggest you keep your other senses open to receive, because I came to perform.

And yes, these days I'm here for a win. On Vocal and otherwise.

The other wins are going well, but after six months of enterting countless challenges, the closest I've come is placing as a finalist in the most recent challenge.

That's okay. But while it's okay, I'm mad. I'm mad every time.

Not mad in a petty way, not crying myself to sleep or cancelling my membership.

Mad that I haven't been seen, because I know I deserve it. Angry because I know the value of my story. Pissed because there is not one who writes harder than me, few who have put in the thousands of hours I have invested in this dream. And annoyed because I am ready for my turn.

Not mad like a temper tantrum- I may be extra, but I can control myself. I'm an adullt. I'm a professional.

But if you're not a little mad, why do I want to read your work? Because let me tell you, I'm an avid reader and there are some incredible storytellers out there.

Every challenge brings dozens of reflective journal-type entries, mostly from the "losers" but also some from the winners... It's always the same message of misplaced humility...

"I can't believe I won. I'm just some nobody."

OOPS. I must be here by mistake, byeee. That's where I stop reading. And if I do continue, I'm judging you.

Sorry- I'm usually nicer, but you need to hear this in its full honesty.

If you think you're no one, why should I think you're someone?

Let me tell you about me. I decided to write my first novel at age nine- new to having computer privileges-- I'd done some school assignments on an actual typewriter because it was the 1980s.. about 1991, I was finally given access to the giant desktop and upgraded the stories I'd write by hand whether I had a creative writing assignment or not.

I wrote the masterpiece "Summer at Camp"-- a 20 page novella spanning many years of a complex family. I self-illustrated because, what can I say, I have always been ambitious.

My work grew and so did I as I was a literal child. As a teen I sat up nights, sometimes till 3am, typing away. I read, I edited scripts, I developed a craft. Went to college- refined that craft over 6 years and received two writing majors. Spent years as a freelance writer and worked many years as an editor.

Somehow I've made it a long time without publishing a novel... life happens, I guess.

But I'm here now and I'm ready to be heard.

And readers, you can trust my voice.

I write deep characters, take you through complex, emotional situations, and usually infuse a bit of my personal mission to create healthy conversations about challenging topics.

I've been nicknaked "Prolific Bonnie" by friends who have seen me verbosity, and "Thumbs" by members of a class where I put out work at a ferocious speed, all written on a tiny cell phone keyboard.

I wake up in the middle of the night to write ideas.

And when I submit a story to a vocal challenge, I'm giving you a little piece of my imagination- one I have carefully curated. Most of these pieces I have been incredibly passionate about.

In more than 10 challenges, I have only had two where I have written off my own potential success, feeling that it was probably not my time. Rather, I wait for the results, positive it's my time because why the hell shouldn't it be?

And when I win I will not feign surprise. I will not say "if I can do it, anyone can do it," because that's stupid and this isn't a lottery. I will not say "Wow I'm surprised," because I won't be.

I will be mad when I don't win, because in spite of everything I have been taught as a woman in America, I know my value. Sometimes I forget it in person, in dating, in my physical place in the world, but never... NEVER as a writer.

Because I'm good at what I do.