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I Need to Embrace the Present

even when life is messy-messy.

By Carmel KundaiPublished 4 years ago 3 min read
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I Need to Embrace the Present
Photo by NeONBRAND on Unsplash

Life isn't always about the big things or the future. Sometimes life is about the small things that are now. Even during a pandemic, there are moments we should recognise and cherish.

I often think about what I don't have and what I'll do when I finally reach the centre of my frozen lake, when I finally have everything I desire.

My focus is on my current dreams and those that have died, what I haven't accomplished, and the things I'm still working on. The people I've lost and those that I can't seem to please. I yearn after the things that a little too far, just out of reach.

When I sit around thinking about what I had, I wish for it to become what I have. Then I think about what I have, and I can't imagine not having it. If what was became what is, the chances of me having what I do would be very slim. And I can't imagine not having what I do.

In plain English, I complicate things and forget.

I overanalyse everything and forget to look at what's around me. What I have achieved and how far I have come. I forget that my past shortcomings have shaped me into who I am today. I forget that these shortcomings aren't necessarily shortcomings. I forget that certain things are out of my control.

I forget to be grateful. I forget about the people in my life who care. I forget how much those same people have poured into my life--how much I've poured into my life.

I forget that just a few minutes before these thoughts started racing through my brain I was overwhelmed with an insane sense of thankfulness.

"Each day means a new 24-hours. Each day means anything is possible again. You live in the moment, you die in the moment, you take it all one day at a time." - Marie Lu, Legend

I can't constantly be dreaming up my past or trying to decipher my future. Not because I'm incapable; I am very much so. But because what kind of life is that? It doesn't leave much time for me to enjoy the present and the blessings that I've been given. Nor does all this worry leave me much energy or sanity to go about my day with.

The present is a beautiful place where pasts can be mended or left behind. It’s a place where futures can be shaped. It’s also a place where dreams can be remembered or realised.

By Billy Huynh on Unsplash

I am tired. I'm tired of letting years past keep me from moving forward. I'm tired of the possibility of failure keeping me from trying. And most of all I'm tired of worrying and trying to change things that are out of my hands.

I have a long ways to go before these thoughts quit invading my mind to steal my happiness. I know they'll never disappear entirely, but I can hope. I can learn how to not let these thoughts control my life.

At the time of posting this article, I am about 30 days into physically interacting with my immediate family. Many people around the world are in a similar situation to myself, and every where I look [on the internet] someone seems to be saying, "Oh, but once this pandemic is over, I'm going to..."

There is so much we can't do now while we wait for the world to fully reopen, but if we spend the next however many days only waiting, we will also lose so much.

I have big plans for when the virus is gone. They mostly include people-watching and eating out. I'm excited. However, I don't want to miss out on what good there is here, right now.

By Paweł Czerwiński on Unsplash

The Good I've Experienced:

  • I've been able to spend more time focused on my work than before.
  • I've been left alone with my thoughts, fears, and desires. I needed this.
  • I've spent an abundance of time with my family.
  • I've had more time to practice the art of lifelong learning.
  • ...and more.

What about you? Has there been anything good in this space?

*Originally published on Red Ink Blog on October 15, 2014.

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About the Creator

Carmel Kundai

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  • Testabout a month ago

    Marvelous work! Keep it going

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