I Jumped In

I jumped in. I was a life- guard and I surveyed the pool adamantly in order to detect weather or not I may need to save a life. It was serious to me, and I recall having repetitively counted each and every swimmer in the pool, and with eyes like a hawk I watched for signs of struggle as a professional life-guard.

I was 16 when I started, and it was my first real job. I was working on a W-2, and I was preparing myself for the career world of accepting paychecks for honorable duties such as life saving.

I remember thinking in college, that I was a mess, I was an English Major, changed majors twice, didn't know what to do or think anymore, and I thought my whole love life and career life was going to head into nothing but disarray, but I remember having a moment of justification to my worth being greater than that to myself, and I yelled within my mind proudly... actually... "I jumped in."

I remembered all the times I was thought to be a nothing, and told I was a nobody, and people were rude and careless, and teased, and looked down... "but I jumped in."

I recalled the water in my eyes, and panic and the feeling of grabbing on a child who was in peril, and it made me feel courageous, and profound. The thick cushion of red buoy was in my arms... and so was the child who I brought to the wall of the pool.

I was not a no body. I jumped in. I was not a coward. I jumped in. I was not a horrible girl. I jumped in. I was not a lazy girl. I jumped in.

I am somebody. I am brave. I am worthy of significant respect. I am a hero.

I always loved our justice system. Something beautiful about reading about justice (and even just out of a text book while in school and for your teachers because it is necessary), is that it's just as beautiful there as it is anywhere in the United States... just to know what justice really truly means and how our system's rules are saving lives with the protective services of this country, their obligations, and their laws in which we all abide for the sake of safety and for the sake of even feeling the comfort and satisfaction like a moment of saving a life your self (a heroic feeling), and feeling of pride in heroes feeling: and to feel safe knowing that there are real heroes out there who do know that same rules, and understand them, agreed to follow them, agreed to uphold justice, and agreed that they were reasonable to care about.

What's always been beautiful about caring is that it's not like it's not about life and death. Caring is about saving lives. It is serious and it is really important in the name of justice, saving lives, and an overall sense of security. It is something beautiful that heroes can feel.

When I was a Life Guard, I was admirably, completely always paying keen attention to everything. At the time, I was my most vigilant, youthful, and ready take on any major responsibility after all the childhood struggles of feeling too little. I was honored for having jumped in on one occasion, and I actually wound up saving two other children.

I recall having a major feeling of confidence and belief in myself as a hero at the time.

It was just while I was in college and throughout my life, there were other times when I felt a little less heroic.