I am an Ogre

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I spent my weekend rewatching Shrek from the beginning. I think that’s the most wonderful story ever.

Shrek talks about the deepest loneliness someone could ever experience, it talks about society, about trying to be accepted by a world that doesn't care about us.

In Shrek, you see the growth of a soul, how it heals itself after a long time as soon as it learns that there’s nothing wrong in being the “monster” everyone thinks you are.

You will always find someone able to peel off your layers and discover who you really are.

I remember being bullied by all my classmates and by whoever saw me, just because I was a fat girl.

They called me names and tried to hurt me in any way, both physical and psychological, with every weapon they could use. And, you know, words are the strongest weapon you have, they can slaughter your soul, reap your heart into pieces and crush that small glimmer of hope you have.

I felt alone, I had a few friends, but no one I trusted for real.

I thought that no one could ever want to be my best friend because I was ugly and fat.

Plus, the relationship with my father was horrible. He was an absent father who kept repeating me how ugly and fat I was, that I was wrong and I’ve should never be born.

I started isolating myself, I read books, I wrote, I draw, but I never felt the need of having people next to me.

I was better off alone, as Shrek says:

“They judge me before they even know me - that’s why I’m better off alone”.

No one ever tried to see who I really was, they trusted their judgment and they didn’t care about hurting another human being.

“Layers. Onions have layers. Ogres have layers. Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers.”

I always loved this quote from Shrek. It means that there’s more of a person behind the armour that has been built with the slow passage of time. But no one ever thinks of it. Donkey is the first one that ever tried to peel off all Shrek’s layers, the first real friend.

Humans have layers. We are like onions, indeed.

We build this armour forged with what society says about who we truly are. We don’t love ourselves enough.

Let’s just think about the metaphor about Princess Fiona: A princess by day, by night a monster—or at least she thinks so. That’s what the others thought about her. She is herself only at night when no one sees her. During the day, she acts like she is supposed to, as the society thought her, she is a girl, so she needs to be a princess, to be beautiful and to act like a princess does in a fairytale, even though she doesn’t really want to.

She is afraid of letting her parents down by showing them who she really is and that she doesn’t regret being an Ogre.

Fiona, in the beginning, sees being an Ogre at night as something bad, that shouldn’t be known by people, because they would hunt her down and, maybe, kill her.

She tries to hide it and she’s been locked in a tower, where no one could ever see her. Princess Fiona didn’t love herself at all, thinking that every bit of herself was a mistake.

That’s exactly what happens now, girls and boys are afraid of being themselves, of being “Ogres.” I felt like this, too. I used to look at myself in the mirror and cry because I wasn’t a beautiful princess and everyone kept telling me that.

I kept asking myself, “why do I have to be like this?” and I isolated myself even more. Wearing horrible clothes to hide my body, keeping my hair on my face, to hide even more.

My soul was begging any kind of God to save me, to let me be beautiful and accepted by people.

“You know what? That's what they told me too. True love didn't get me out of that tower. I did! I saved myself! Don't you get it? It's all just a big fairy tale!”

That’s exactly what I did.

At some point, I stopped crying. I saved myself, as Fiona did in the last chapter of Shrek.

I was hurt, slaughtered, and disappointed by everything and everyone.

Fiona, without Shrek, turns into a fighter, leader of a rebellion. And she wants to be seen only as an Ogre, so she is finally herself.

And I finally did it. I was myself, I thought I was finally free. I was fighting against everything, alone.

She saved herself, no one came for her. She is her own saviour.

Then, Shrek came. An Ogre with a crushed heart, with a big wall around him.

They were so similar, so hurt, so crushed by life and society… but they fell in love.

“Shrek: Fiona? Are you alright?Princess Fiona: Yes. But, I don’t understand. I’m supposed to be beautiful.Shrek: But you are beautiful.”

What the others think it’s an imperfection, for someone is perfection. Someone will love the way you appear, the way you dress, the way you act and the way you live. Because there’s nothing wrong with being yourself.

Yes, this was what happened to me, too. I found a wonderful person that is healing all the scars I have and constantly tells me that I’m beautiful just the way I am.

"You know, it may be hard to believe, what with my obvious charm and good looks, but people used to think I was a monster. And for a long time, I believed them. But after a while, you learn to ignore the names that people call you, and you just trust who you are."

When you spend all your life surrounded by people who constantly judge you, you start to believe they are right. And you end up isolating yourself, acting as the monster they want you to be. Nothing seems to hurt you anymore and all your sadness becomes hanger. And from hanger comes loneliness, because you don’t want anyone near you.

Now I know, I’m an Ogre.

I’m the most beautiful Ogre of the Universe, and I love being myself.

Society won’t bring me down.