How to take full ownership of your life

"Blaming everyone and everything else for our problems may be the norm and provide temporary relief from the pain, but it also chains us to these very problems.

Show me someone who is humble enough to accept and take responsibility for their circumstances and courageous enough to take whatever initiative is necessary to creatively work his or her way through and around challenges and I’ll show you the supreme power of choice.” - Stephen Covey

Have you ever done this - blame other people and things for our misery; “It’s because of my boss which is why I’m so unhappy”, “It is because of my parents I can’t do what I want and be content”, “It is because of the weather I feel miserable”. I think we all have. And it makes complete sense to why we do it, it’s easier - it takes the responsibility of our own well being out of our own hands. But here’s the catch, it “chains us to these very problems”. When we blame something outside of ourselves to our problems, we also give power to that thing to control us. You are no longer in control, the weather or your boss now determines your emotions, and by blaming them you have empowered them to do so.

Ever heard of the quote: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent” by Eleanor Roosevelt?

Or “An entire sea of water can’t sink a ship unless it gets inside the ship. Similarly, the negativity of the world can’t put you down unless you allow it to get inside you.” by Goi Nasu.

The keywords here are “consent” and “allow”; through blame, we consent or allow for the other person or thing to have control over us. If your boss is making you unhappy, you have consented and let them do so. If it’s your parents, then you have allowed them to do so.

What I am trying to say here can be put eloquently by Stephen Covey - “Between stimulus and response, is the freedom to choose”.

We can choose our response to our circumstances; to our bosses, our parents, or even to the weather.

“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them” - Maya Angelou

The cornerstone word being “decide”. You can decide.

What does it take to be able to ‘decide’ or have ‘the supreme power of choice’?

Well, here we move on to the next part of Stephen Covey’s quote from above - “Show me someone who is humble enough to accept and take responsibility for their circumstances and courageous enough to take whatever initiative is necessary to creatively work his or her way through and around challenges”.

It takes humility and courage.

Why humility?

It takes humility because sometimes to take whole responsibility for ourselves and wellbeing, you might have to admit that you have been irresponsible. It’s so much safer to say “I am not responsible”. It is easier for our ego to ignore this irresponsibility of our own and blame others. However, we need the emotional strength in order to have the humility to admit and accept this responsibility and then take responsibility to decide and choose our response.

Why courage?

To act and to decide sometimes requires to go against the norm, go against what is expected of you and go against the grain.

Take Gandhi for example, while many were just blaming and condemning the British Empire for their subjugation, Gandhi used what he had control and influence over and slowly gained support and trust from the everyday citizen through being on the field. He had no office or political position, through compassion, courage, fasting and moral persuasion he broke down the political domination of three hundred million people.

Now you don’t have to be a Gandhi, courage is different for everyone, courage can mean just simply choosing not to be hurt by someone, or acting differently.

The word courage comes from the Latin word ‘cor’, which translates to ‘heart’. Courage means to “speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart”. It takes heart - vulnerability and compassion, to be courageous.

Can you have the heart and the humility, to take full ownership of your life?

If you like this article then you will also like Stephen Covey’s book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”

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