How to Start Feeling Confident, Worthy

Self-esteem is like garden weeds. Break it down while it is small, or face the consequences of uncontrolled stress down the road.

Of course, I went to high school to increase my confidence. Hair colors, tattoos, new hobbies, new jobs, entry, exit. I always expected there to be "enough"

What is enough? Enough things where I could relax, feel satisfied, and be able to “fit” with everyone else. However, even though I often got what I wanted, the rewards were short or nonexistent.

None of these fillers ever gave me what I needed, and as a fool I moved on to the next one thinking, "Well, this is exactly what I need!"

"Your family is very supportive, you have enough money, you are lovely, you are talented," a good friend once told me frankly. "I can't find my life to find out why you don't trust yourself."

It was amazing to stop and think about what he had said. I never thought of myself as an ordinary person with an incomprehensible structure. I knew others about my problem, but often their reasons were obvious, such as looking for parents or school bullies.

“Why on earth am I like this? My life is boring and… normal, ”I think.

Eventually, after spending a lot of time, money, things, friends and opportunities, I stopped accumulating.

I realized that I would never be able to reach my long-awaited “mecca” and that I was just collecting rubbish. The wheels were spinning, but the car was not moving.

I noticed that many other people did not need anything special. It was as if they were “born perfect.” Just confirmation would not come from external sources or from people, because I have tried that. It didn't help at all.

This has led me to a difficult truth. Real progress comes from helping and working hard. Real progress does not come from mere avoidance and reassurance.

What I was doing all the time before this discovery was irrelevant.

The problem with self-esteem is that it sounds real. Imagine trying to convince someone that water is not really water, it is soda. Yes. You won’t find too many quick believers on that bandwagon.

Another thing is that maintaining a negative attitude about yourself is very easy. Most of us who hate ourselves are lazy veterans, sitting on the throne of self-pity. Sadly, the only thing we can be sure of is that we know how to do it.

However, there is something that you can do about the situation.

For one thing, every time you find yourself hesitant to do something because you are afraid or do not believe you are "worthy," measure it.

For example, "My opinion is the same as everyone else's at this board meeting. In fact, no one is going to think much of it. Even the accounting Bob expressed his opinion, and his was a little crazy."

Now I do not mean to knock others down, but to shed light on the situation often makes you see the futility of what you are worried about.

Another important factor is taking a risk. No, I'm not saying that going back on the highway will boost your self-esteem. Those are the kinds of extra risks I can take to try to prove something to me.

But the most serious and reasonable risks you can take are emotional risks.

Letting others know how you feel, telling someone your fears, or reaching out to someone you do not know well. These are all good risks, and people with low self-esteem often miss out on the growth opportunities that come with them.

A psychologist once said that self-confidence = success / expectations. So if you have ten expectations for yourself and have won one of them, your confidence will not be so great.

On the other hand, if you have five and you get all five, you may feel at peace with yourself.

So to simplify, find out what your goals are, and then put them into practice! Make sure they are accessible and your expectations are not unreasonable.

If you have always wanted to be something and not work for it, you will never be proud of yourself - because you are not yourself.

Maybe self-help tapes are not your cup of tea. And you probably get nervous when you think of standing in front of your bathroom mirror and saying, "I love myself." But you will have to do things outside of your comfort zone.

Never underestimate the power of getting up and wearing real pants. (I know I was used to it.) Walking around in pajamas all day is not an option. Think, "What was I hoping to do now?"