How to become more confident

1 - Why should you be confident?

The people always come to me, Elisandro I'm not confident. I'm not confident. I don't feel confident in who I am. Why should you be confident? No, tell me why should you be confident? How does your life look? Because most of you guys do not care about the things you eat.

You guys watch reality shows for fun, you guys never read a book, you guys have no skills, never leave your house, never do anything to get yourself uncomfortable; and then you want to complain about not being confident.

Of course, you're not confident. You haven't developed anything, you don't even know yourself. How can you be confident in something if you don't know what it is?

If you look at the biggest athletes, if you look at footballers, they are so confident in how they play and whatever they do. Why? Because they show up every day, they train and they know that what they're doing is the best that they can because they have trained their whole life where they have developed whole skill.

These people have discipline. These people do not think about, I feel like it or I don't feel like it, knowing how you feel does not make you become a whole professional footballer; does not make you become an athlete, does not make you become successful business manager, whenever you want to be confident, your feelings should be off. It's not about your feelings.

Listen, you don't feel like going to the gym, who feels like going to the gym? No, there's some people that actually enjoy going to the gym, right? I don't enjoy going to the gym, but afterwards, I feel like a million bucks. I walk out of the gym. I'm like yeah, I did that and I feel so confident about myself because I do things without thinking about them.

Now. I wake up in the morning, it's automatic. I go to the gym, that's it.

Afterwards. I feel amazing because I push myself to do things, and then every time I create a new limit for myself and then I'm like, yeah, you can do more.

Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Okay, what do I mean by this? So recently I have read this book, it's called “The Mountain Issue”. It's an amazing book. I would recommend it to everyone.

The author goes on to describe that “we as humans, we're not wired for happiness, we are wired for comfort”.

So our whole goal in life and what we're looking for because people say, oh, I want money, money will make me happy. It's not the money, it's the comfort that comes with money. You just want to have a stable and comfortable life, you just don't want to worry about bills, that's why you want that. You know, it's stability. It's comfort. That's what our human nature is, that's what we want as humans.

So you for example, doing something uncomfortable. Like imagine you never went to the gym, then you go from never going to the gym to going five days a week to the gym. That's a whole shock to the body because your body is not used to it. So what your body does is it tries to protect you because now it's in fear mode. It's like, oh I don't notice this is uncomfortable, I should protect you because this must be bad if it's uncomfortable.

That's why instead of shocking yourself into something, do small things but do them consistently, start going to the gym two days a week, then you do three days, then four days go for 10 minutes, go for 15 minutes, little by little. But make sure your body gets used to it because once your body is used to it, your body can recognize it as something good as something comfortable.

If you look at doctors, if you look at physicians, they're not like I don't know what to do with this knife and trembling and being insecure while they're operating. No, they get it done. Why? Because they know their craft. Okay?

So if you start going to the gym, you don't know how the machines work. Once you go there consistently, you will know how the machines work and everything, those other people in the gym, they don't care about you. Okay, don't think like oh everybody's watching me, they will judge me blah blah.

Everybody is there to become the best version of themselves. Everybody has the same goal. They have their own insecurities. Don't worry, they're not looking at you; you go there consistently and you make sure that you get good at it because that's how you become confident in what you're doing and in yourself. Because you push yourself, you do uncomfortable things until they get comfortable.

I grew up with extreme fear of heights. Like was so scared of heights. When I was younger, if I would stand on a staircase and you could see through it, I would not stand on it. I was literally, my feet would be trembling scared of heights. You know what I did last year I went and I jumped off an airplane literally because I was like, I do not grow in my comfort zone. I will never be confident if I don't do things that I am not comfortable with until I developed skills until I pushed myself and every single time I can prove to myself that I can do better, I can do better.

That's how I became confident and like damn. Yeah, I did that I jumped off an airplane even though I'm scared of heights.

And once I start to develop this mentality of like whatever, it doesn't matter, that it's something that I need to feel really feel until it goes.

I had severe social anxiety when I was younger. I would not talk to people anything. I'd always look down and basically there was one youtube video that said, if you have social anxiety, when there is a bus that comes to wave at the people in the bus and look at them, then I was like you know what I'm gonna do that.

So basically there is one bus that came and I didn't, after school I was standing there and I was like waving at the people in some ways back and something they didn't react, they didn't even notice, they don't care.

But then I was like whoa I actually feel better because of this you know, because I pushed myself to do something that I would not normally do, so and then even more now like I'm used to being very secluded and on my own and everything but outside even I just talk to random people, I just go up to people, I talk to them you know, how interesting people, literally people love it when you talk to them, when you can learn stuff, meet new people, just go up to them, talk to them. It's not that big of a deal.

You can just go up to people and have conversation because it's beautiful if you own a business or anything in life, just networking is very important, you can meet the right person by just going up and talking to them and they can connect you to someone else and that's it, you have a whole new career, you know things happen like that sometimes even I believe that God sends you certain people to teach you something right?

So if you really listen to people when they come up to you, when you talk to them or you go up to them, That can be a message that can be a signal for you, but just be open.

2 - Let go of perfectionism

When you're creating a business and you're insecure about your business or whatever. You cannot be insecure if the only thing you're thinking is how is my service to people, Right? So I am making videos and I'm thinking and it's what I am, is what I'm saying. Good. Will it help people? Will it uplift people? Yes, that's true. That is good then. Does it matter the way that I look? No, I can look like an overfilled, crazy lip person. I do not care. I get comments on it constantly.

I know it looks crazy on camera. I don't care because this is not my reality, as long as what I am saying and what I'm delivering and uplifting you, is good enough. I'm fine with it.

At least I'm helping people because that's my only goal.

Tourism is basically a fear of what will other people think. What will they say? Um yeah, let me break this to you.

People don't think in general, literally, some people honestly, they're uneducated. They don't know what they're saying. They have a different background, different culture and you're thinking in your head, oh my God, what will they say? What will they think?

So that should not be your concern, perfectionism stops you from doing it anyways, you know how many successful businessmen I know and businesswoman that literally started their business without even knowing what they're doing, literally they just started selling stuff or delivering a service and then they were like, okay, now I'm gonna figure out how to do it create routines.

3 – Morning routine

So I have morning routine and a night time routine.

When I wake up, the first thing I do put my clothes on, I go to the gym and afterwards I come home, I shower immediately. I feel fresh. I feel re energized everything.

I say my blessings. I say what I'm grateful for. I thank God and that's it. I'm gonna go about my work, I'm gonna go about my day. Then when I go to bed, I shower, and then I go to bed. I do a little meditation afterwards. I say my prayers, I say what I'm grateful for, I talk to God about my day, and that's it. I go to bed. I have a morning and a set night routine. Why? Because it organizes my mind.

We as humans, we are creatures of habit. So we need certain things that can lead us, an organized mind is an organized life. Imagine if I woke up, I don't even like clean my bed. I just leave it as it is, I just go outside like this. I will feel sluggish, I will look sluggish. You know, I prioritize my self care.

4 – Why self-care is so important

If you do not care about what you put in your body, if you do not care about how you move your body, if you do not care that when you're really ill and sick and the illness not going away to even go to the doctor, if you don't care about your clothes being clean or iron or whatever, that is a form of lack of self respect literally and nothing else, because most of the things are very easy.

We all have water, we have soap, you know, you can clean yourself if you respect your own body, if you respect yourself, other people will respect you and you will have more confidence in yourself. I my main priority is always look clean, smell good.

If I don't have to look perfect, I don't have to look glamorous, whatever. I just look clean and I smell good and that's good enough for me because the way that I take care of myself shows to the world how they should take care of me.

If I do not find myself worthy of care, they won't find me worthy of care. I don't respect myself, they don't respect myself. If I walk in somewhere they can see that I'm a person that respects yourself just because of the way that I take care of myself and its work on your posture.

I went to a chiropractor one day because I wanted even better posture and he basically explained to me the way we get good posture is by moving.

For example, I love hot yoga. I'm really into hot yoga right now. Yoga by the way is really good for your posture.

So I do hot yoga now a lot and I've seen improvement in my posture. Like automatically I said more straight and he said if you take a child that has been doing sports since he was young and take for example a brother that hasn't the child with the sports will have a better posture than the brother, because he is all the time moving.

That's the thing. He's like even when you're sitting on a computer they say you have to sit like this straight, right? He said no that's not true, as long as you can see like this, but he's like as long as you're moving, if you're moving it allows your back muscles and everything to just get stronger, you know, so just make sure that you move a lot. That's how you get good push, to create another version of you until it becomes you.

I grew up being silenced. I was not able to speak my mind, to speak my thoughts anything. It was just you shut up and you're not smart and you're gonna shut up? That's what I got told every single day.

So basically what happened is I grew up, I always wanted to give advice because I love doing this. What happened is I could not do it. Why? Because I decided you know what, I have to go in therapy because I can see that the way I'm behaving is really not normal.

So I went into therapy for my PTSD and I'm still in therapy, I'm still healing, but I had to create another version of me. I had to create the wizard list in order to get this done, because I could kind of act, I could put the wizard live in front of the camera and he could talk as he was confident and he would say anything that he wanted to say and it would be amazing and he believed in himself and he thought that anything he said was valuable.

Meanwhile I was still healing. But now I became the wizard list. I know that what I say is valuable. I know that anything I do is amazing because I'm helping people and I know that I'm helping people and that's the only thing that I've ever wanted to do.

So I became confident in whatever I'm doing. I acted like the highest version of myself. And I became the highest version of myself, visualize what your highest version is.

Think about this. You create this whole person in your head and every single thing, whatever you do, you think first, okay, is this something that the highest version of myself would do? If it's not you don't do it? You do not do it if you are trying to text an ex, but you think yourself, is this something that the highest version of myself would do? And if it's not, you do not text your ex; because you're trying to become the highest version and the highest version does not act that way.

I created this mentality. It's called the Okay mentality. She ignored your text message? Okay; and you tried a business and it failed? Okay; and they do not find you attractive? Okay; and literally, who cares? No one cares. Why is it such a big deal?

Most time people will not find you attractive. That's normal people don't have interest anymore. That's normal. You failed. Well, yeah, means you tried something good for you do it again and do it again and do it again until you're good at it.

I don't have moments in your life where you can literally look at it and be like, okay and what does it matter? Hey, listen, I don't think you guys realize one day we're all not gonna be here anymore and isn't that peaceful? Isn't that so peaceful?

The fact that one day we will all not be here anymore. All these people that are laughing at you are telling you´re stupid, are bullying you all these things, these people won't be here anymore and you won't be here anymore. Do you really want to waste your precious life? Your precious energy giving to those people?

Believe me, they're not worth it. Let's put this energy in becoming the best version of you. Let's put this energy and putting these people down by just becoming the best version of you realize how weird people are literally, I have been very lucky to be able to travel the world.

I've traveled to many countries, I've met lots of people, lots of cultures, different people. I genuinely love people. I think they're amazing. But every single person that I've ever met, everyone had something weird about them. A weird quirk. Like all these weird little things and I think that's beautiful. I think in today's day and age with social media, we kind of forgot how real people really are.

I mean if you look at instagram, everybody's so uptight and so perfect and you know, all these images but people are weird. People have insecurities.

People laugh in a weird way people talk in a weird, amazing these are humans. This is amazing. If you would actually go out and meet people and talk to people, talk to older people, talk to young people, you would realize how everybody is so different in their thinking and that's so beautiful.

Therefore, I think just, you know, just meet people, sign up to the dance class, and sign up anywhere and meet other people and you will see those people are exactly like you. Another thing is if you are insecure, do not have social media or limit the things you watch; I´m gonna explain to you why listen.

I watched this ted talk and it was about a woman who was talking about CUBA and how the dance culture in Cuba is. In addition, she said in CUBA they do not have commercial. Therefore, they do not see the normal social beauty that we see on the daily that we see on everything; they do not have billboards like that. Right?

So in Cuba, a woman that's 80 thinks she's beautiful and thinks she's amazing and she can still move her hips like that and she's confident in herself because she doesn't get shown images as to how she's supposed to look. You know, social media is literally so bad for that. Like so bad if you are insecure about your looks, do not watch these filtered people do not watch these models. Listen, some of them are genuinely naturally extremely gorgeous, you know, but do not look at them because it's gonna drain you. It's gonna make you even feel worse about yourself.

For me, I am not even on social media at all. I post my stuff. I post my videos. I never watch any accounts. I do not read comments. I do not do anything. I post, I leave. I do not watch any Tiktok videos. I do not do anything because I need to protect my mental health.

I do not like social media. I never like social media. I do watch Youtube self-development videos uh, since podcast, I like these things, but to actually go ahead and look at celebrities, look at people living a lifestyle and things like that. No, why? It´s going to drain me completely start realizing that you're not that important, literally being not that important is the most amazing thing ever.

It gives you freedom. It allows you to do whatever you want to do that you feel is good and best for you. People have lots and lots of problems. You guys don't even know people are literally still stuck in their traumas, they're still stuck on so many things. People are not healed. They have so many things that they are still worrying about today.

You are least of their problems. You know, even me, I'm a public figure. People might look at me, look at my videos, they listen to my advice, but when they go and bet in the night, they think about their own problems. You know, they think about what do I have to get done?

I have to do this tomorrow. They don't think, oh my God, what is this doing? You know, nobody thinks that I am not that important, but that is amazing because I do not want to be that important, literally.

I want people to focus on themselves and that should give you more confidence because not anything you do really is embarrassing because people do not really think about it. You are thinking about you, they are thinking about them, that's it, Love yourself.

When I say create this better version of yourself does not mean we have to hate this version. Okay, I have goals that I'm trying to reach and that I'm going to reach. But right now, I love Beyoncé right now because she is amazing. Beyoncé gets up every single day, working very hard for her goals and dreams, trying every single day and yeah, she has bad days some days, but you know what, it does not matter because she always comes out on top of it.

I say that to myself, and then I go on to say, I am proud of you, you have accomplished so much. You are trying everything that I have done, that I look like that. I just say to myself, I literally grabbed myself, I hug myself, I say, you are amazing.

Why? If you are not willing to look yourself in the eye and tell yourself how amazing you are, how beautiful, how mesmerizing, how proud you are of yourself. You will not be able to accept those compliments or love from somebody else because you cannot even say to yourself, listen to me next time you walk into any meeting into any presentation, you have for school, into a date.

Whatever you walk into that place, like you own the place literally you're scared for that job interview. Why did they choose you to come in? If you were not qualified, you would not be called to come in.

You are scared to do that presentation in front of people. These people are there to listen to what you're saying. You have the time to speak your mind.

It's a form of respect they have for you. You're scared to go on that date. Think about… Do I even like this person? Are they even good enough? Why are you going on that date thinking like, oh, I hope they like me.

No, no, no. Do you like them? Is what they are saying? Valuable. Is it interesting if it's not, just leave another guy, another girl will come.

You deserve to have a good life. You deserve to have a great life. You deserve whatever that means to you. You know, some people, they just want a normal stable life and that is great for them and that is amazing.

But if you want more, you deserve more. Anything you want, you can get anything someone else already has done, you can do as well, even when it hasn't been done before, you can be the first one to do it.

You can do things, things exist, things already happened. If it's possible for other people, it's possible for your need to prove yourself to anyone or anything. If you have good intention, that's it, good enough, listen to me.

People come from different backgrounds, different parents, different cultures were raised in different neighborhoods, they will not understand you and they do not have to understand you. They don't, if you are looking for validation from your parents, from your friends, from whoever outside to give you validation and say to you, hey listen, you are amazing or your idea is amazing. If you are looking for that, you will not get what you want because people do not understand it.

The vision was not for them. So they don't understand it, it was given to you. So when something is given to you and you want it bad enough, you do not listen to and you don't need to hear that you don't need to

like okay they think it's good so now I can do it. No. The fact that you think it's good and you think that you have good intention will be enough to accomplish what you want to accomplish, you will not need to hear it from anyone. The point where I became really successful was when my back was against the wall, my whole family was literally against me and said listen your this is so embarrassing, you're just embarrassing us, right?

And then I was like I do not care them, then I'm gonna go 100% for it because I know I have good intention, I'm not doing anything wrong and that's when I actually really, became successful and right now, funny enough, this is not embarrassing anymore and this is something to be proud of to be celebrated because people only come when you are successful, then they're like, Oh wow, we knew you could do it, you know?

But that's just life and I have to accept that and I do not care about that, but that's how it is realized that you know nothing. I think coming to terms with the fact that we all don't know anything is amazing, literally because the more that I realize that I know nothing, the more I'm willing to learn and I think knowledge is beautiful when I meet people, I literally love to let them talk

I used to be the kind of person that would interrupt or be like, yeah, yeah, whatever or like yeah, yeah. When they're talking like Exactly, yeah, yeah. Give them reassurance constantly. But now I'm just looking at them and listen them talk, because first, I do not need to give them reassurance, for what they're saying. If what they're saying is valuable, they will say it without me saying yes, yes.

Obviously, I'm not, but I don't say it anymore, you know as well, I actually listen to what they're saying. I'm not just listening to react. I actually want to hear what they're saying and I want to think about, okay, what is it that they just said to me? You know, I think that's really important. Listen to people.

People can teach you beautiful things. I have had conversations with doctors, with people that work in retail and just all over.

I have had the most beautiful conversations with people and I have learned so many things, it is insane. You're only gonna learn if you're willing to listen to them and if you actually believe that what another person teaches, you can be valuable and that you don't know it all. And I will never know it all.

5 – God always provides

I was listening to this meditation and it had a saying which is “the universe always provides”. I replace that with “God always provides”.

It is the most beautiful affirmation that I have been repeating to myself lately, whatever happens I say my head God always provides.

If I can tell you guys one thing in my life when I needed something. When I needed somebody to leave my life that was negative. When I needed protection and I asked God, God has always delivered. There was not a time that God has failed me ever.

So for me, I lived my life thinking when somebody is removed out of my life and it hurts me, I think it's okay because God provides, God knows what he's doing. He has a better plan for me. I was meant to be successful, I was meant for greatness. So whatever he does is for my greatness, it's not to sabotage me. He's trying to provide for me and trying to help me.

So what I do is I allow him please help me. You know, I thank him for everything, I thank God when I go to bed, even if I had a bad day because that bad day teach me something. There are no bad days. Honestly, I listened, I heard this in a movie “bulletproof” and had a quote, which was, “there is no good or bad, there's just fate”.

Anything that happens in your life was meant to happen to literally put you to a point where you are now and that's it. It was not good. It was not bad. It was meant to happen and living like that is easy.

But knowing that God always provides and how I will always be good because God has my back. Makes me powerful.