How to Be in Control of Your Life

There was a time when my life was predictable. I used to wake up at 5 in the morning, jog & exercise for 40 minutes, have breakfast sharp at 7.30, and play basketball or volleyball for 50 minutes in the evening.

I had to do all these because I was part of a semi-military boarding school named Mirzapur Cadet College. Did I always like it? No, I did not. But this disciplined routine had its benefits.

I was fitter, more focused, and felt in control.

Over the years, I have gone through patches when I felt nothing but lost. Bad patches in life can make anyone doubt themselves, and question their ways.

Instead of feeling bad about the things which went wrong, I did something else. I identified times of my life when I felt in control and tried to decipher what I was doing then.

I am going to call these my anchors. Why? Because I firmly believe that these activities kept me grounded. They also allowed me to take strong strides in life.

Anchor 01: I was fitter during all these periods

Is this a chicken & egg problem? Was I fitter because I was in a good position in life and thus I could spare time for exercise? Or Was I in a good position because I was fit?

I tend to believe it's the latter. In some cases, I exercised because I had to. Whenever I exercised regularly, I had more energy for the rest of the day. My mornings would start feeling wide awake.

Back in Cadet College, we used to jog for 2 kilometers followed by 20–30 minutes of freehand exercise. These days, I try to mix and match between the following:

• Walk & Jog in the park for an hour: At least 3 times a week
• Use a dumbbell to follow a 20-minute Sculpt routine
• Follow YouTube fitness videos like Jordan Yeoh Fitness

Anchor 02: I was waking up earlier

I was waking up no later than 6 in the morning. In fact, the sooner the better. During my MBA, I used to wake up at 4.30, pray, exercise in the INSEAD gym for an hour, take a shower and then have breakfast. All these would be over by 7.30. My friends used to come to morning class at 8 AM, and by then I would even get some reading or personal work done.

Currently, as I wake up earlier, I can spend time on my personal work, write an article on Medium, and have a headstart. When I go to the park, I become refreshed because of exposure to the cool morning breeze and ample greenery.

I did a course once on personality types. The course discussed how introverts & extroverts should take care of themselves. The course suggested that we need to recharge ourselves from time to time to feel energized. Extroverts would get energized by social interactions. Introverts would need to spend my time.

Being an Ambivert, I need both doses of medicine. I can do my introvert activities in the early morning and keep the other areas for later.

Anchor 03: I was praying regularly

As Muslims, we have five mandatory prayers every day. The first one starts at dawn and the last one in the evening. Praying 5 times throughout the day has helped my spiritual side. Besides, these 5 prayers act as pillars throughout the day.

For example, the noon prayer is often around lunchtime, so I take my lunch break around that time. From the morning prayer to the noon one, I am at my most productive state. So I try to do harder things during this slot. Due to these pillars, I can arrange my day around them in different types of slots.

For non-muslims, this might not be relatable. But you can think of doing meditations, prayer, or have alarms to divide a day into different sections.

Anchor 04: I balanced parts of my life

I made a stable balance between work, family time, social time, and my time. Of course, work would take most of any day and week. But over a week, I’d still find time to spend with family, call up friends and give myself some time.

Giving time to the people who are closest to me kept me connected and happy. This kept things real. Life also felt balanced.

I also realized that I need friends and confidants who can be with me throughout my journey. Friendships can get interrupted due to many reasons. I tried to maintain many groups of friends or close people so that at least one of the groups would be available. For me, groups can be of university friends or close colleagues from my first job or close cousins.

Anchor 05: I had a routine or more like a template

We are not robots. I can not do everything by a routine or by the clock. I understand and accept that. So, I created a routine with some non-negotiables and stuck to them. This routine divided parts of the days into empty slots. Any work or other activity can take up these slots

Think of this routine as a template for my days. Extra activities will fit in the template and thus make my day whole. But there will be some areas which will not change. Also, I will not need to change how my day goes because of any new activity.

A lot of people change their routines due to work or any other life event. In some cases, it is essential to adapt to those changes. But in most cases, a change should not overhaul your daily routine.

For example, I know of a person who used to wake up early, have breakfast, and get ready for the office. When she left her job, she stopped waking up early, and all her morning rituals. The job controlled when she’d wake up and start her day. When you give such control to external powers, there is no chance you would feel in control.

Anchor 06: I had a target or end goal in mind

I need an end goal to drive me forward. In earlier instances, some of the end goals came with my state or age. For example, a public examination or entry to a great university.

But what if we don’t do anything like that to drive us. That is what kept derailing me. After I would achieve that goal, I’d lose my steam and go back to the less ideal state. So, I needed some introspection here.

I realized that I am a project-oriented person. Projects with deadlines & clear end goals keep me motivated. I divided what I plan to do into projects to replicate the positives of a project.

For example, I needed to finish 120 hours' worth of audio content. I gave myself a daily target and 2 months to finish the entire thing. When I checked my weekly run rate and realized I needed course correction, I found efficient ways to get back on track.

For me, The goal of reading one book per month will never work. I need to reframe this goal as a project like “Read this book within the next 30 days”. Then I would replicate that project every month. Reframing what I want has made targets achievable for me.

Look, no one of us is ever going to be in full control of our lives for a long stretch of time. That is the beauty of life. It keeps making things interesting.

I outlined above what we can do to handle life’s unpredictability. We need to have some anchors which would fit our own lifestyle. Those anchors will bring some semblance of control even during harsh times.

Life will keep on changing. We must adapt our lifestyle & routine accordingly to keep the template relevant.

The purpose of this article is not to give you a list which you can follow to the dot. But I wanted to share my thought process and I hope if you follow that, you will reap the benefits.

This article was first published in Medium