How does a clever child become dumb? ? ?

A 16-year-old visitor, his grades in elementary school have always been in the top five in the class. When he arrived in junior high school, his grades in the key classes of key schools gradually declined all the way, and finally stabilized in the bottom five in the class.

In the third year of junior high, depression, self-harm, and then dropped out of school. I have been at home for more than a year.

He felt that in school, no one would care about him. He envied other boys playing together, but he was always unpopular and couldn't make friends.

I feel that others are staring at me, waiting to laugh at me.

Poor grades make you feel inferior. He doesn't deserve to play with classmates with good grades, and he doesn't want to play with classmates with poor grades.

We discussed and found that he has always found it difficult to satisfy his mother. His mother always has high demands on him. If he does a good job, there are always higher demands waiting for him. He feels very tired.

Although his mother praised him, he felt that those praises were untrue. The real feeling was that he knew that his mother was not satisfied with him.

And his mother always finds every opportunity to educate him, the world is hierarchical. Incompetent people can only do such worthless things as garbage picking, cleaning, drivers, and security. These people will be looked down upon by others and have little contribution to society.

When he encountered problems in his studies, his first thought was not how to solve the problem, but how to face the disappointment of his mother.

"I'm particularly afraid that others will look down on me. When I think I might be called a scumbag, I dare not go to school.

I dare not face my parents, teachers and classmates. I don't want to be in contact with others. I just want to hide quietly at home by myself. "

For this child, "becoming stupid" is because time is spent on other things that make him more anxious, and how to face evaluation is more fearful.

Later in the interview with parents, his mother said that when she was young, she was very eager for her mother's support, but her mother has never even had the ability to protect herself. She has been living very hard and she has to do everything herself.

So she is particularly eager to be a good mother and be able to support her children.

She thinks it is her own problem if her children's grades decline. She needs to confirm that she is a good mother through her child's good grades and that she can support her child.

Otherwise she will always be anxious. This anxiety is for the child, and it is also for the self who used to be unsupported.

Under my suggestion, she also made an appointment with a consultant to deal with some of her inner troubles. This may be an opportunity for her relationship with her child.

Many parents will find that the older the child is, the more "stupid" they are, but how can they become "stupid"?

The intellectual activity of a child is blocked. We call this process, the intellectual function is inhibited.

Good or bad grades are supposed to be solved by children through their own intelligence, but many parents turn this kind of intellectual activity into emotional stress.

Beating and scolding, criticizing, accusing, and comparing are all things that should be solved intellectually, raising it to an emotional level. When an event becomes an emotional memory, we leave the event itself, and we have to spend a lot of time and emotional tricks.

This is a process in which intellectual functions are discarded. Because parents did not teach their children how to use their intelligence to solve their own dilemmas.

Therefore, when many people encounter difficulties, emotions first appear, and then the process of entanglement with emotions. The intelligence is sleeping.

This is not becoming dumb, this is becoming fragile.

Because the child is fragile, he has collapsed before using his intelligence.

This is probably an important reason why many people become dumb, because brain activity is covered by a large area of ​​emotions.

But dealing with emotions is even more difficult. If many people are teaching how to learn from books, how to balance their emotions is a "unpopular subject" for most children.

After all, many parents have not learned.

Teacher Zeng said that when we should use our intelligence to solve a thing, we use emotion to solve it, it means that we have a certain amount of regression in this matter.

So when parents worry about their children's performance anxiety, and this anxiety is always lingering. The high probability is that this matter has something to do with our own psychological dilemma.

Just like this visitor of mine, his mother was always afraid that her poor performance would delay her child's development. Fearing that the child will be useless in the future, and will have a hard time. Get stuck in these emotions and cannot extricate themselves.

When children enter junior high school, they have to adapt to the new environment, the pace of learning becomes faster, and the courses become more and more difficult. This is a difficulty that children encounter, but this difficulty can be solved by intelligence.

Children need to use their brains, think of ways, and learn to deal with more complicated studies. They also need to think about how to balance their study and leisure life, and learn to choose and make choices.

But parents’ anxiety and worry can easily disrupt this process.

For example, some parents often say that you can’t learn how easy it is, how others can learn you can’t, what are you thinking about, if you don’t study hard like this, what can you do in the future and prepare to be eliminated by society ?

The anxiety and worry of parents can easily turn into accusations and contempt for children.

Let the children be very afraid that they will be more evaluated, and that they will become not good enough in the eyes of their mothers.

He ended up in emotion.

Many parents instruct their children and feel that they should explain the truth clearly to their children. They listen to me and just do what they do. They especially hope to put the support they didn't get and the things they didn't accomplish on their children.

Some parents say that when they were young, they were young and ignorant, did not study well, or did not have the conditions to study well. Later, they developed very hard and tortuous. Now they regret it and don't want their children to follow their own paths. So I am very nervous about the children's grades. I hope the child will study hard.

A student in, said: "My dad always said that he was young and ignorant and didn't study hard.

Now that he is old, he realizes that learning is important, but I don't think he has studied hard, he knows that work is important, and he hasn't worked hard, playing vibrato every day, watching live broadcasts, and beginning to be young and ignorant.

I seriously suspect that when he gets old, he will continue to be old and ignorant.

Now let me study hard to fill his regrets. Why should I fill him with regrets in my life? What should I do about what I want to do. "

He said: "I can figure it out. The so-called regret is a lie. Those who really regret it, he should work hard to make up for his regrets. He has to work hard on his own.

Let the children fill up their regrets, what is it called regretting, that is to get something for nothing. "

Rui Guaner.

If we encounter learning difficulties, we always transmit our emotions to our children, which means we put him in an emotional dilemma without having the opportunity to face real problems.

Emotions are a wall between children and learning. And this wall is an iron wall and a copper wall.

Many times we talk about learning, but in fact, whether it is a child or a parent, most of our energy is spent on how to build this wall and how to tear it down.

How can I have time to study?

Therefore, the child's intellectual activities will not have a chance to play a role, and there will be no chance to update, he will really become stupid.

We hope that the children will go to battle lightly and fly far away, but in fact, they are anxious and fearful. The high walls and deep courtyards built are very deep.

Trapped him in it, so he can't go anywhere.