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How Can Creative Writing Help You Through Lifes Toughest Lessons?

People write for different reasons

By Chris FreylerPublished 2 years ago 6 min read
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Photo by lilartsy on Unsplash

I wrote my first fiction story when I was in 6th grade. Our teacher read a story to us, and we had to finish the ending. I can't quite remember what the story was about, but I remember writing and getting lost in the creative aspect of the lesson.

I was raised in a fairly abusive home, so I think it was the first time I found an escape; maybe, I'm not sure. It's a shame I can't remember the story's details, but I do remember the feeling it brought me. It's almost like I became the story I was writing.

That was the last time I wrote until two years ago at the age of 44.

I believe a lot of people don't write because it takes time. At least for me, it's not easy to write. I often procrastinate on articles I want to start. The punctuation, sentence structure, and grammar wear me down. Then I have to put it through Grammarly, where my patience is tested.

It's essential to become an effective writer, I believe. One thing you must do when writing is "think," but not just your regular thinking; you have to do critical thinking. With critical thinking comes analysis, creativity, problem-solving, and empathy. I'm a rookie and trying to learn the ropes, and it's a struggle for sure at times.

When I started writing, I was out of options. I've been to several therapists, some were ok, but most were a disaster and had more problems than myself. I don't know if it was just a string of bad luck or a preview of what is out there. I know there are good therapists, but finding one is a whole different story.

I began reading and listening to YouTube when I found myself in another toxic relationship. It was a pattern of mine, and thankfully I've only dated three girls my whole life, one being a 16-year relationship/marriage.

Desperate for approval and validation of what I was going through, I stumbled upon Quora. When I first got to Quora, I asked a lot of questions. What I mean by a lot is 200+ in less than six months. I was getting answers pointed towards dating a Narcissist, or at least some form of Cluster B personality.

I researched more and more on this newfound word, Narcissism. I watched 100's of hours of YouTube videos and came across Meredith Miller of Inner Integration. Finally, it all started to make sense. Years after I found her, I was finally able to book a session with her; she is the best therapist I have had to date.

With the guidance of Meredith and her online courses, I started my journey, but not before diving headfirst into Quora and answering questions. At first, I was hesitant, and I didn't want anyone to read my answers. I also wasn't ready for shame or negative comments. I was terrified someone that I knew would see the mess I created. But I had to do something, I was desperate, so I wrote.

The first couple of answers didn't gain any traction, but before I knew it, I was the top writer in Psychology and Narcissism on Quora, earning millions of views and 1000's of followers. I wasn't paying attention, I was just sharing my experiences of what I was going through, and people were relating and relating in a big way. The more they commented, the more I felt validated. I was on the verge of running family off and have already lost several friends with my obsession with an abusive ex I couldn't stop chasing.

Whatever I felt, I wrote. Was it the best option looking back? Maybe, maybe not, I can't say for sure, but it has helped me more than any therapist I've had. There is something therapeutic when you have 1000's comments with others relating to what you write. I've met some great people on Quora. I actually have more friends on Quora and Medium than in real life. I have 6-7 people on both platforms I can discuss most life challenges. I found writers and readers that are on a similar path to mine.

Without writing, my followers, and readers, I'm not sure where I would be today. There was a time I changed my name out of fear of being found. It didn't matter, and I had an ex find me on Quora. It didn't go well because all my answers were based on this abusive relationship. I didn't use any names, just used my experiences. I am not sure how she found me. But if I had to guess, it would be through the Quora Digest. Many of my answers are emailed to subscribers, and she read the story I imagined and put two and two together. In any event, I went back to my real name and said screw it, and continued to write.

There's a feeling that can't be described when you get your thoughts on paper and just write. Some writings are great, and some not so much. I love the creativity with the way I can express life in general.

People write for a slew of different reasons. I definitely write for creative expression and my connection with my writers. I love when I share writing, and I get readers telling me they relate and have gone through similar situations. Is it wrong to get a sense of "validation" from my readers? If you start basing your worth on likes, follows, comments, and earnings, I imagine it could be. It would be no different than trying to get approval from an abusive partner. I am still reasonably new to Medium. I've been here for about eight months now.

I overthink a lot! And writing helps me process my thoughts. Sometimes I feel like I am writing subconsciously and question myself if I actually went through the experience I am sharing. I know it sounds odd, but I went through a lot of gaslighting in my last relationship, and I am still working through the damage.

At times, I forget the reason I started writing and obsess about likes, follows, comments, earnings, and everything else. Once I do that, I go down the rabbit hole of negative self-talk. I believe we will become our thoughts if we allow them and accept them. If I continue to feel this way, my writing struggles.

It's a process I am on, and I will continue to write even though, at times, I feel like giving up. There is something more rewarding with success if there is a struggle involved, and writing to say writing is a struggle is an understatement.

If you find yourself struggling, try and revisit why you started writing in the first place? Try and tap into that creative outlet that can produce informative and entertaining articles and go from there.

self help
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About the Creator

Chris Freyler

Mistake Maker Extraordinaire. Writing from a place I don’t understand at times. I write to help myself, in return hope it helps you. Just another Quora guy.

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