How Blogging Has Transformed Me

My Confidence was Shot

After being told you are not good enough for so long, your own thoughts start to lie to you and you start to think that about yourself. For years, I was made fun of, pushed around, taking advantage of, etc. Things were said in different types of situations. When I would get excited about an opportunity, it would be shot down because it might be a scam or because they didn't think I was capable of doing it. Even though I may know that I am extremely capable, that doesn't mean that I don't want a vote of confidence.

Fast forward to August of 2019 when my husband was getting out of the Marines and we were both trying to find jobs. It took my five months or more to find the job that I am at today. I work at an auto repair shop as the service writer. I am someone who, before working here, knew hardly anything about cars. Friends would joke with me about "blinker fluid" before this job. Now, I know a decent amount about cars. Did I ever think that I would end up there? No, I did not. My qualifications definitely did not match up with that job, but I needed a job. I was able to get this job due to connections through my Church.

At first, I was just excited to have a full time job. However, each day, I realized just how little I truly knew of what the job entailed. I felt like I was self teaching myself the job at times and it was a huge learning curve but I conquered it. However, during this time, I got bamboozled by a great deal of anxiety and waves of depression would come and go. Being a self aware person has its ups and downs. Considering my bachelor's is in psychology, I knew very well what I was dealing with. However, that doesn't mean it was easy for me to deal with or that I could instantly make it go away.

I would wake up and not want to get out of bed, but I did and forced myself to get out of my own head. The thoughts that go through your head when you are going through depression are definitely not fun and do not make you a fun person to be around. I was aware of that and still tried to be my normal, bubbly self, but putting on that mask was not easy. Also, putting up with nonsense is a lot easier when you are happy than when you are not. There were things that would happen that normally, I would be absolutely ecstatic about, I didn't really feel anything towards. I felt like I was numb. Not many people knew about this time in my life because I didn't share it.

Usually, I am easy to get along with, but during these months, I knew I was difficult and I knew the thoughts are was having were not true, but yet, I still thought them. One thing that was a huge reason why I was struggling is because I didn't really have a hobby. My friends that I had made in California moved away because of military. Eventually, I didn't hangout with people very often and the people who did ask me if I wanted to hangout, I would find a reason to get out of it because I felt like they didn't really want me there. Did they ever say that to me? No. Again, depression and anxiety both feed the brain lies that no one was ever thinking.

When you have anxiety, depression, and are constantly being told that you are not good enough, you don't meet certain standards, you aren't good enough "yet," and told every little thing you do wrong, your confidence gets shot. Even without anxiety and depression, would your confidence not get shot if you were consistently told those things?

Making Goals

In order to start making goals to try and get myself out of this, I decided I would try to find something positive in each day. This was incredibly difficult for me at first. My life felt like it was constantly filled with negativity. An normally optimistic and motivated person had turned into pessimistic and lazy. I noticed that I didn't really have a hobby. My entire life had turned into seeking other's approval, even though I knew the repercussions of doing so.

One reason why I had started to fall into depression is because I didn't have any goals set. I felt like I had no purpose and while all I wanted to do was to help people, I was not helping myself. I realized I didn't have a hobby or something that I truly enjoyed doing in my off time. I looked for a hobby, but my passion and hobby has always been music. At the time, I didn't have a piano, so I couldn't play to relieve the stress and anxiety I was feeling.

Finally, I came across Vocal. I honestly thought that this was a singing app and I thought it would be something I could do for a hobby. Turns out it was a blogging site. When I found that out, many thoughts rushed through my head. What if writing a blog could actually help people? What if someone can relate to my experiences?

I thought what would be the harm in starting a blog? So, I started my blog and each day I wrote a blog, it built my confidence a little. It made me feel relieved and excited about something for the first time in a while. I felt like I was finally reaching people who had been there and understood me.

Through my blog, I was introduced to someone who genuinely wanted to help me and helped me achieve a great deal of my goals. I met some of my lifelong friends through this blog and for that, I have Vocal to thank. So thank you Vocal.

Genuinely Happy

After starting Vocal, I am finally starting to be more genuinely happy. I feel like my life has a purpose and that purpose is helping people. My goal is to help those who can't help themselves or to motivate those who can help themselves. I want to be a support system to those who have none. Let's all make an effort to be there for each other. It doesn't have to be with me. It can be with anyone. Find someone today that you can be there for. Maybe you can help someone find a life changing opportunity? There are opportunities everywhere, and you just have to open your eyes and see them.