Unaware of what I really want to do when I get older, the future scares me. This last year has really been a real struggle for me and I think a part of my struggle was because I did not know who I was. My hope for the near future is that I discover myself more and find out who I am because I feel I can not fully invest in something until I am fully invested in myself. I have always had a passion to work with little kids.
Recently, I am happy to say that I have found a little more inspiration to not be as scared for the future. It was a day when I was helping out in the preschool class. This girl Evelyn is the cutest girl. She has the biggest smile and cutest laugh ever. I was sitting down with her eating snacks and suddenly she starts to cry saying that she misses her mom. I hated to see this little girl in so much pain I wanted to see that beautiful smile on her face again. I was helping her calm down but tears were still running down her face, so I asked her if I could see that beautiful smile on her, but she kept crying. I bent over and poked her little cheek and kept saying, “Can I see that beautiful smile on your face?” Sooner than later I saw that beautiful smile and a cute little laugh. I felt so happy that I had helped this little girl become happy again. This little girl reminded me of myself self a lot because it can be really tough for me to smile. I just don’t know who I am most of the time. At my church, we did anonymous letters and everyone wrote to me to keep smiling because I have the best smile.
I want to work with kids and go to college, but at this point in my life, I do not think that is the most important thing to focus on. I feel most people see that the next step after high school is college and yes that is important. I still plan on going to college, but first I plan on trying to care for myself for. One day I sat down and took a long thought about my life. I was not happy with the person I was. People can tell you that school or work is the most important thing, but it is not. The most important thing is yourself. If anyone ever tells you that self-care is selfish it is not. Your relationships, work, etc., are all important but you can not fully succeed at these things if you are not at peace with yourself.
I have tried harder to be the person I want to be. I am currently in therapy and I am getting used opening up more to those I know want the best for me. I started a self-care journal, in this journal I keep track of my stress levels and better ways to cope with what I am going through that day. If you are having a hard time loving yourself, I want you to take time and focus on yourself more. Life should not be a struggle every day, you should not have to feel worthless. YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH. Go into the mirror and tell yourself five times or more how much you are worth. Care for yourself because you deserve to feel as if you are worth the life you are living.