Growth

Well... it has been a long while since I wrote any blog type stuff. The past semester has been really focused on writing school type stuff and I think I just felt too overwhelmed to even think about writing for myself.

The last post I made was in March and I was discussing my health. Now I realize that the post was written in fear, and with a lot of fear and disappointment in myself. This post is written with empowerment, more determination. In order to succeed I cannot approach health in a mindset of fear anymore. That sounds pretty common knowledge, like duh... but everyday I am learning more about how our thoughts affect our life. Negative thoughts equal a negative perspective of reality while positive thoughts offer a positive perspective of the same reality.

If I approach working out in a fearful manner, like assuming since I don't know how to workout that I shouldn't of course I'm going to procrastinate and come up with every excuse in the book. If I try being excited, like believing that I can be a person who goes to the gym, maybe working out will seem like less of a mountain to climb. Of course I have to adjust my mindset, I need to get to a place of compassion for my body where I want to take care of it, but I also need to make having a healthy lifestyle more accessible and realistic.

I told myself I wanted to write a blog post every week. HA! That's cute, I was working full-time, starting college classes for the first time, and still battling anxiety everyday Serra! I don't know why I felt the need to push myself so hard, I've been through this cycle over and over, it's probably just because I am a perfectionists over-achiever. But over the past 6 or so months I have been working on setting boundaries for work, because trying to balance work, school, health, relationships, family time, and just day to day chores is not realistic f0r me. I had to learn to make time for myself, whether that means turning down time with friends when I don't feel up to it or telling work I won't stay late because I want to go home and make dinner with my boyfriend.

With new found sense of boundaries I haven't experienced it made me realize all the ways I need to better myself, I am excited to make major improvements in my life. My anxiety often gets the best of me and I feel like the world is closing in on me so it is hard to realize all of the opportunities right in front of my face, but I am so grateful and don't want to turn these opportunities away. I am 19 years old, this is the time in my life that I will have all the opportunity in the world to GROW.

Over the past year I have realized a lot, a lot of my flaws and childish ways of communicating, a lot of things about how the world around me operates, a lot about balancing work and life and enjoyment. I don't think I will ever stop learning either, I hope I continue to see something new everyday because I know for sure I don't know enough yet.

I think 2019 was my year of setting up my productive lifestyle, now I want 2020 to be my year focused on health, mental and physical. I had so many days of feeling sick or not eating enough or only eating chips all day and I am just so over that part of my life. I want to have children someday so I want to have a strong, healthy body to take care of them. I want to create a healthy lifestyle and home life for my kids filled with home cooked meals and hikes and yoga, but It all starts now. I won't get pregnant then magically be the healthy person I want to be, if anything it will get worse. I want my boyfriend and I to be the best version of ourselves, I want us to both have the family dinners we never had and I want to be happy most importantly.