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Gossip and Rumour

by Ben Shelley 3 months ago in self help
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The true nature of life

Gossip and Rumour
Photo by Ben White on Unsplash
  • You can never get through life without comment.
  • You cannot walk through the challenges of the day without offering a thought or a feeling towards a situation.
  • You cannot accomplish this in life as it is physically impossible.

Whether it is towards your friends, family, those in government or your colleagues, people will always have opinions. They will analyse the situation and see something that is unique to them.

People see a version of the truth which has been created by their life experiences and priorities. Through their hopes and fears, a unique thought is born and it takes time to accept that.

A Work in Progress

You realise this truth very early in life, yet you continue to try to battle against it, blaming yourself if someone walks away unhappy from an interaction with you.

You understand the reality that as humans, we are judgemental yet in your head, you are different, you will be that voice for which the gap is bridged. That is a lie. You can never bridge the gap.

Sometimes you can spend years around people, offering thoughts and feelings, only for them to focus on the negative. It does not matter if that negative is as small as one or two grumpy afternoons.

People thrive on negativity. This is why Eastenders remains a top show for the BBC. You would never in a million years buy a house on Albert Street but you would walk by and read the news for a juicy update as to which neighbour betrayed which. This is humanity in a nutshell.

I have fought for years to always be liked. To be there when those I care about need me, yet despite the consideration of what is true, the obvious story is the one which people want to replay.

They wish to focus on the negative and provide judgement on what they perceive to be the truth without even asking. Behind your back, they spread poison based on a misguided view of reality and there is nothing you can do about this but focus on the positive.

Focus on those that have respect for you and you for them. Focus on what you can control and let go of everything else.

This is a work in progress and I have written about it before because it is a subject which is close to my heart. To accept humanity for what it is and move away from the poison, as that will never leave but there is a chance to clean things up.

A Tough Stain

Forgiveness is earned not bestowed and the first stage of forgiveness is understanding. To take a step back and dispassionately look at the situation with an unemotional eye and ask if there is anything that you could have done to alleviate the situation and in many ways there is.

You can remove your heart and place it in the bin. Pretend that being ignored and sidelined is acceptable when deep down it is not.

From my story, I could have taken a deep breath and realised that I was beaten a long time before I was. I could have walked away and not attempted to stay in a situation that was unhealthy.

If a story is shared for long enough and with as many people as possible, then it doesn't matter if it is true, it simply becomes true.

Politics is a great example of this. You can shift the truth, spin a web of lies into an acceptable tale that is then shoved down the voter's throat and more often than not it is accepted.

We accept lies and deceit as part of day-to-day reality, yet it does not have to be that way. You can choose to rise above, place a smile on your face, knowing that this isn't forever and eventually, what goes around comes back around and karma will always get you.

When you least suspect it, it will knock on the door to provide retribution for what has occurred. Not in a sinister manner but in the sense that if you treat others badly then there will be consequences down the line such as missed promotions or relationships.

My Route

Writing this I feel free. I do not feel as though I am calling people out but I am laying down my thoughts on what is a divisive subject with many choosing to talk about others behind their back. This is something that I will remove from my life from this point. Not in the sense that I was the biggest gossip in London but in acceptance that being asked for an opinion on someone and providing it is wrong.

We should be free to live our lives away from judgement and rumours. To make a difference where we see fit and provide change where we believe there should be change. I believe that talking about others when they are not in the room is unacceptable, as they cannot defend themselves. It is the equivalent of taking sweets from a child.

My route forward from this is neutrality. To take a leaf out of Switzerland and embrace the concept of not taking sides. To smile and move through the day as best I can whilst learning coping mechanisms for dealing with the stress of conflict as it will rear its ugly head once again.

Conflict will find me and I need to be ready, as talking about others affects everyone even if they are not in the room.

A Final Thought

You cannot control the narrative.

Whether you are in the room or abroad, you cannot control what you cannot see and you cannot be everywhere at all times.

  • You need to accept that you are human and there are limits to your existence
  • You need to pick and choose your battles based on what is most important to you and what is most important to me is my wife.

She is my guiding light and as long as I can come home to her each and every day, then I will be okay.

self help

About the author

Ben Shelley

Someone who has no idea about where their place is in this world, yet for the love of content, must continue writing.

Reader insights

Nice work

Very well written. Keep up the good work!

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  1. Heartfelt and relatable

    The story invoked strong personal emotions

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Comments (1)

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  • Carol Townend2 months ago

    I agree. I feel the same. Rumours are just that rumours, and you have to prioritise the one you love. Your article relates to me as I am often faced with the same issue of rumours. I just choose not to listen to them anymore.

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