Giving Up

Don't we all miss the days where we were carefree children? We didn't have to stress about paying our bills, finding a job, working to build our future and balancing our personal life. All we wanted to do was to have fun and play with other children, but little did we know how challenging adulthood was going to be.

Every adult has their unique journey, but one thing we all have in common is the continuous battle of controlling our minds. After all, our minds control our behaviours and our behaviours are responsible for how we portray our characters to the world.

You can agree that we have both good memories and bad memories. Out of the two, we tend to focus on the bad events that have happened in the past. The state of overthinking can be a dangerous process. It can lead to depression, self harm, and suicide. It is not pleasant. We feel like giving up and depending on the life events that have occurred, some people do give up. Overthinking also replaces our happiness. We can have a wonderful day, but one trivial thing can trigger our thoughts and change our mood.

In 2014, I moved away for university. I started a new life where I had a healthy and positive lifestyle. It felt great. I met two amazing friends during my first year of uni. I spent my entire second year with them creating memories. During my final year, one of them took a year out to work and the other friend became closer to me. We created a bigger friendship group sharing even more great memories. Unfortunately for me, whenever things went wrong, I was the person everyone came to. I couldn't focus on myself and ended up being dragged into a lot of drama. Where no one was prepared to speak up about their issues, I stepped in. I was trying to help people and ended up making myself the "bad guy." I guess it taught me a lesson about not dealing with other people's problems, as I will be the one it backfires on. As a result, I lost the two friends who meant the world to me.

In addition, I had my parents stressing me about finding a job and even they were warning me about my so-called friends. I was so stressed out, I lost track of my fitness routine. Not working out meant I saw myself as a lazy, fat girl. It triggered my insecurities and my confidence was non-existent. I was driving to work on the motorway for hours in a day. There were times where these incidents took over my thoughts. Thanks to God's grace, I survived four near accidents within two months. I quit my job because I was my putting my life at risk and ended up facing financial difficulties for months.

In a space of three months, I learned that my parents didn't like my uni friends, who eventually I lost over a petty matter, I quit my job, I found out some shocking family truths, there was a death in the family, and overall, I gave up on life. I sat in my bedroom every night of October 2017 crying myself to sleep because nothing was going right in my life. I forgot what it felt like to have something good happen. I kept thinking of ways to end my life. I was living with a dead soul inside me.

You are probably wondering how I overcame such a difficult time of my life.

I took deep breaths. I meditated. I reached out to old friends and spoke to strangers on social media (surprisingly this helped the most). I then came across a young lad who owned his own business. Considering I had been dealing with financial difficulties, I spent a lot of time learning about his life. This inspired to me to get back on my feet and do something with my life. It reminded me of how far I came and everything I had achieved when I felt like giving up. In November, I got a job and I changed my mindset to give zero fucks about what people think. I started to believe the saying "EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON." I was doing well and, in December, went to India, followed by Dubai. Two countries visited in a month. I felt blessed.

However, my happiness didn't last very long. Old friends were getting back in touch, asking for a reunion (including the guys). I forgot about the two friends. Their names didn't bother me for months, but all of a sudden when the reunion was mentioned, I started missing them. Till this day it hurts. I have started crying and driving myself into a state of depression. The only thing keeping me sane is my workouts. I let myself cry. I take time out and just sit in silence. Bottling up the pain does more damage hence why I release the pain.

One thing I always tell myself is: YOU CAN DO IT! I have overcome bullying, being fat and insecure, losing friends who meant the world to me, family troubles, and career difficulties. I can achieve anything I put my mind to. I keep reading quotes relating to people either staying in your life to teach you a lesson or to grow with you. I learned how to face my problems. Most importantly, I learned how to let myself feel hurt until I physically cannot cry anymore. That way, I have no choice but to move on.

When you feel like giving up, let yourself hit rock bottom. Feel every emotion possible and release it through workouts or meditation. At the same time, you are releasing the tension through benefiting yourself. What have you got to lose? Once you are at the bottom, the only way you can go is up. It is normal to give up. There isn't a single person on earth who is happy 24/7. Everyone is facing at least one battle. Just keep fighting and plough through. It will all be worth it in the end. Always remember how far you have come and try to think about the positives in your life. Learn how to love yourself and conquer the world.

Thank you for reading.

Jas x