Freedom

Chains that bind us. It begins before birth. The umbilical cord, the one thing that binds us to another human, is the first chain. Throughout our years on this earthly plane, we are given many chains. Things that hold us down or back, things that restrain us or keep us under control, chains that stop us from moving completely or only allow us to move very little. Rules and laws set forth by others. Some are chains of choice, whereas others are forced upon us. When you think of chains you think iron or metal, sometimes even plastic but rarely do we ever acknowledge the mental chains. The ones that are seldom seen but always felt by the wearer. There are many tools to cut the physical ones but the mental chains are much stronger and more difficult to remove. Those are the ones that only we can cut loose from. A stranger could find you bound in physical chains, get a bolt cutter and release you, that same stranger could find you bound in mental chains and still help to release you but using a different method.

Mental bondage, much like physical, holds us down, restrains us, keeps us under control and sometimes stops us from moving forward altogether. It is just as painful, if not more, than being bound in actual chains. It is a restrainment that can last a lifetime. For some, it seems to be a repeating occurrence in a never ending cycle. The scars it leaves behind may be quite unnoticeable to most but are seen by the wearer, with every glance in a mirror. It is an “ugliness” that takes up residency and firmly refuses to move out. We may serve eviction papers but that only means it may continue to stay for at least 6 months rent free. Those chains seem to be unbreakable and without mercy. We didn’t ask for them to be here but yet here they are.

By now, if you are still reading, you are looking, almost begging for a solution. I have none! No answers to your questions. Just suggestions. I can tell you what I did and how I did it but that doesn’t mean it will work for you. I can tell you that years (yes years!) of therapy was not MY answer. I can also tell you that medication was not either. I can tell you that the sad outweighed the happy most of the time. That the tears felt like continuous rain. That dying WAS an option. I can honestly now admit that I just plain hurt (all the fucking time) and that no one understood. I worked diligently for years, to break the mental bondage that was caused by both sexual and physical abuse inflicted upon me by so many others. With little progress. When I felt I was at my lowest and it couldn’t get any worse, I looked up and saw him.

He knew nothing of the things I had gone through. His was a good upbringing by a loving family. He knew nothing of abuse, of any kind. Yet somehow, something told me HE would understand. When I had opened up to others the consensus was that I would “get over it eventually” I wasn’t sure I could trust this new person with any of my history. Once again the chains tugged tight and held me back from expressing what I so desperately needed to talk about. I just needed to talk about it! I needed to cry and scream and hit something and be held and comforted and understood. HE did that for me! No judgement, no words, no comments, just a listening ear.

The years have passed and HE is my therapy, my medication, my reason for wanting to live every day. Just with that one unselfish act of listening to my horrifying past, he helped me break the chains that imprisoned me for so many years. My confidant, my very best friend. The one who sees the beauty in me even if I don’t. The one that makes me comfortable in my own skin. The one who loves me when I don’t love myself and with whom I am so happy to share my life with. He sees my scars(even the internal ones) and is unphased. HE is my person! (Grey’s Anatomy)

My advice: Find that one person, the one you truly trust, the one who will not only hear you but will listen. The one person who will not judge you or see you differently, that will always be there for you at any time. That will have your back and love you unconditionally. Talk about it, ALL OF IT. Get it out. Cry, scream, punch something(preferably soft) and break down completely. Let it go! Don’t ever stop talking about it if the need hits you. Know that they are there and always will be. Believe them when they tell you it will be alright, because it will be, and know that you are strong enough to do this. You and only you can break the chains that have held you for so long. It’s not easy and it takes time but when you have someone you love and who loves you, in your corner, it becomes so much more bearable. Above all: love yourself. Enough to know that you are worth every effort you put into escaping your bondage. Never let anyone chain you down!

Much Love Always, G.