Four steps to getting your life back on track during the Pandemic.

We are months into the pandemic with no signs (well maybe some signs) of it letting up. I want to start this off by saying your pain is valid, real, and personal. The pandemic has reminded us what's important in our lives, has forced us to take pause. But sometimes the silence is deafening, the pause has forced us to confront our demons. Forced us to deal with what's going on rather than burying our heads in business, pleasure, and overall distraction. I can't solve your problems, heck, I've got enough of my own, but hopefully, these insights will help you through the darkest nights, and remind you that the sun will rise again. Or, at the very least, get your mind out of the darkest corners during the quarantine.

1. Identify and accept your pain. Yes we live in the 21st century and yes there are things such as "first world problems" but don't minimize your pain. Saying don't be sad because someone has it worse is like saying don't be happy because someone has it better. We are individual beings having an isolated experience. While I'm not doubting the existence of shared consciousness, to this date, I haven't experienced it. We must identify our pain, no matter what level of serious society has deemed appropriate. Once we identify our pain, we can build solutions around it. Now let me be clear, I don't think a painless life exists, so striving towards such an idea is foolish. This something I struggled with for a long time. How can life be less painful? I turned to frivolous experiences for momentary joy or numbing agents to combat the harsh environment. What I should have been striving for is how to become more resilient, caring, nurturing, strong, empathetic, and competent. How do I look directly at pain and smile? How do I notice pain, and hurt, and discomfort without crumbling? Well the first step again, is noticing and accepting that you are human, and your pain is real and that it matters. What can you do, today? Get a journal, open the notes app on your phone, a google doc, whatever you want. List what is bothering you and why. Admit you are feeling what you are feeling. That's it, freeform what's going on. Externalize your situation.

2. Gain perspective, but inside and out. So let's start working on solutions right? Nope. Let's take a step back, let's try and remove ourselves from the equation for one simple reason. Perspective. I see perspective as simply gaining information. Learning. Before we solve any problem we must do our research. Do I know of anyone going through something similar? Can I read about someone who went through something similar? In this perspective phase, wonderful things can happen. We may find out we don't even know how to solve our own problems, and we need to be willing to accept and be okay with that. For the first time in my life, I went to therapy. I tried and tried to fix the problem ahead of me. Unfortunately, I fell short, and I needed help. I needed perspective. We need to gain the knowledge and skillset to solve our problems. Maybe when we begin to do our research, we learn our problem is actually something else in disguise. So not only should we seek others' experiences, but we need to think introspectively. When did I start feeling this way and why? What were some times in my life when I didn't feel this way? Times when I felt this way all too often? So first let us truly identify the problem through perspective and introspection. What can you do today? I booked an appointment with a therapist. So reach out for help, go buy a book, read an article. Action, action, action. Just get started on your journey to resilience and understanding.

3. Take responsibility and be realistic. I don't know about you, but for a while, I was following the silver lining advice, be positive. Every situation is about mindset, is about being positive, law of attraction. While I think that is extremely important, and what sort of mentality you have is crucial. Blindly following the be positive at all cost culture, in my opinion, doesn't help you deal with the problem. now I'm. I think what is more important than "being positive" is taking responsibility for what's going on. It may not be your fault, but it is absolutely your responsibility. Read that twice, the horrors your face may not be your fault, but the immutable fact is that it is your responsibility for what happens next. If that means you need time to heal, then, by all means, take it. I don't say this to create a hyped up call to action that if you aren't moving forward you aren't making progress. In nature, nothing is constantly growing, there are cycles of growth, decay, re-birth, etc. Nothing is always growing and nothing is always declining. My best advice is to do your best to heal in a healthy way. Rather than drinking a fifth of jack, maybe you have a lord of the rings or harry potter marathon. Rather than partying all night to forget what's happening you take a bubble bath or get a massage. I think it's important, especially while we're in pain, to remind ourselves what makes life so great. Treat yourself to a delicious dinner, go see a comedy show. By taking responsibility for our health and well being we are consciously and subconsciously sending messages to ourselves. Positive ones. We aren't trying to neglect our pain, hide from our pain, or numb our pain. We are deciding to take responsibility for our pain. The reality of the situation is there's no such thing as moving on. We never leave our pain behind. Instead, we learn to live with our pain, our pain teaches us lessons. We become divine empathetic beings because we've lived and we've erred and we've bled and we've cried. We certainly didn't "move on", we grew taller and stronger and braver. We love because there's real suffering. We dare to do good because there's real evil in this world. So what can you do today? Take responsibility for your situation. It may be a horrible one. If we take responsibility, it means we can do something about it. It gives us power. The power to make a change.

4. You need vision, resilience, and hope. And unfortunately, it can be a process. What terrified me the most was not my problems. It was that tomorrow would be no different from today. I would be lying to you if I said I've never drunk to get drunk because, on that particular day, I couldn't take the pain. I couldn't take the long road ahead. I was, at the time, afraid I would never heal, and that something was wrong with me. I was wrong, but it did take two years. I had a vague fleeting vision of what I wanted my life to look like. While we must find a way and create a vision of a better life. We must not forgo our current circumstances. This is the ultimate balancing act and the "hustle" for a better life. It is no easy task. This is where mental fortitude and resilience comes in. Be prepared to fall on your face, and when the world wipes the floor with you. Don't break eye contact, don't hide or cower, for I. will. not. yield. What can you do today? First, write something down that you accomplished in your past, no matter how small. Remind yourself, you have worth and you have strength. Second, create a vision for how you want your life to look like. I think this is where people get tripped up. A lot of people talk about creating big audacious dreams, and that's phenomenal. But why not start with something small, something that you know will have a hugely positive outcome in your life. For regardless of the size of your dream, you still need to take it one step at a time. What is one step, one goal you can take towards bettering your life?

So, identify your pain, write it down, externalize it. Give it life, for we can't defeat something we can't identify. Reach out for help, buy a book, talk to someone. Begin to gain perspective around your issue, figure out what others have done in your situation. Action, action, action. No matter how small, is important. Take responsibility for your situation, while it may not be your fault, no one is going to be able to make changes but you. Taking responsibility gives you power. Gives your strength. Write down a vision of how you want your life to look, and get specific. Or write down one goal that you know will have a positive effect on your life. Use that and refer back to that when things get tough. Always remember your why. While there are many many, positive steps you can take, I hope this list at least gets your started. Hang in there, friend.