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For The Heart Broken

Convinced that I still miss her. Hate that I still love her

By Carlos GuerraPublished 2 years ago 5 min read
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To the person who is kept up all night by thoughts of the person who left you, the ones who invite death to stop your pain. It's okay to feel that pain but never let it put out your flame. Your worth it.., someday the hurt will help you see that.

-Carlos Guerra

Have you ever tried to fool yourself into believing your okay? You know.., when you try so hard that you're even successful at fooling most of those around you but there's a voice deep down inside screaming to you that it's all a lie. I've been on that road and I should warn you that it can be extremely dangerous, fatal even.

I know your story. Yeah, I'm sure that the specifics might be different but the end result is still the same. They left you... They're gone and deep down you're scared that you'll never get through this. Not only do I know your pain but I know how important it is to you not to let anyone else know. I know the massive amount of effort you put into preventing that as well. Even with all the knowledge we both share, there are some things you may not be aware of yet. One, pretending to everyone that you're okay is only going to make things far worse; two, I'm sure this may be hard to believe right now but assuming you don't do anything stupid, you're going to be alright.

Now I'm not saying that your pain is going to go away because then I'd be a liar. However, if you can manage to allow yourself to stop trying to convince the entire world that you're fine, eventually that pain will numb a bit so that it's bearable. Once that happens... you'll finally realize some important facts about your predicament. These facts are hard to accept for many and that can be motive enough to keep on pretending. However, if you're going to recover then acceptance is the only way forward. The first thing you'll realize is that as much pain as you've been in, they're fine. They're happy living their lives while you've been up every night depressed about them. This will most likely make you angry early on but in time you'll grow to be grateful that they are happy. Well.., at least if you truly love them you will.

This next part is extremely important. Another thing you'll realize is that you should be living your life too. That doesn't mean to go back to performing an act for everyone you know. In fact, it means exactly the opposite. You're in pain, that's the way things are and that's okay but it won't always be that way. I'm not saying things will just automatically get better. I mean, if your lucky, they might but most likely that won't be the case. Now it's okay to rely on your friends to escape the pain but in moderation. They're not going to be with you 24/7 and even if they were it wouldn't matter. At the end of the day no one else will know how you feel but you. This means that you need to be okay with being alone and when the pain of missing that special person surfaces.., feel it. Let it hurt, it's just like the pain that comes from having blisters on your hand. Your damn right it sucks at that moment but with time those blisters turn into calluses. Just how calluses make for stronger hands, feeling that pain will make for a stronger you.

There is a quote from Harvard's former professor of philosophy, Jordan Peterson, that perfectly explains what I'm trying to say.

You have to go into the cave and deal with your dragons eventually in life. If you have to fight the dragon, it is better to face it when it's still in its egg. It is a lot more dangerous to allow the dragon to hatch and grow to be the fire-breathing beast that is destined come burn down your village.

-J. Peterson

Listen to songs that make you think of them, look at old pictures that make you want to cry. If there is anything that you take away from reading this, I hope it's that it is okay for you to cry. Believe it or not, crying is all a part of slaying the dragon. Bottling those emotions is how you let it grow to burn down your village. Regardless of when your battle with the dragon takes place, something positive can come from the fight altogether. You see when your fighting to slay that dragon, you'll be surprised to learn that your flame is just as powerful.

I know how much it hurts to be left with a broken heart. I know because it happened to me and it almost killed me. It almost left my daughter without her dad... her real dad. I pretended I was okay instead of dealing with my pain head-on and then 3 years down the line not only was I still pretending but my life gradually got 10 times worse. I don't want you to have to go through the same thing that I did, learn from my mistakes. Please listen to what I'm about to say next very carefully. You're not alone, not at all, but more importantly, your heart will heal. If you live your life for yourself then you'll become stronger and eventually, your flame will become so bright that your next love will find you.

healing
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About the Creator

Carlos Guerra

Born on 09-07-95 in Miami, Florida.

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