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Five Self-Care Tips We Are Never Taught

Shared from the experiences of an altruist

By Elizabeth TebbPublished 4 years ago 7 min read
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Maybe I should begin by saying that self-care was never high on my list of priorities. I've been teaching for over a decade, I've normalized "holding it" for the whole morning and worked straight through lunch regularly. Once, I worked for a charter school that gave us five days off a school year. And paid us bonuses if we didn't use them. But self-care is a real thing that some of us millenials forgot to learn in our eagerness to get ahead. Or, if you graduated right around the recession like me, you did just to get a job at all.

Until recently, I was very much a "I can take it, I'm not a baby" type of person when it came to work. Teachers don't make much, and it's not cheap to live right outside of Manhattan. So, how about a second job? A third? It wasn't really until my surgeon called my husband on the phone in front of me and told him, "she's suffering, she has no quality of life" that I even considered how I'd actually lost independence, not gained it, by living this way. I am really sick, and I made it worse. I didn't take care of myself until surgery was the only option left. So, here are five things I have learned to do over the last year that I should have been doing all along:

1. Expect Consequences

If you're a millenial like me, you've been spending most of your life thinking you're invincible. Student debt? Not a problem, you live a lifestyle and you're growing a brand. Healthcare? Totally paid for and you never have huge expenses anyway. But it's easy to use that mindset to shrug off meals or a good night's sleep, too. "I'll go to sleep early tomorrow, I'll have a big dinner," you tell yourself. But whether you actually follow through or not, you will have to live with the consequences. By skipping meals or not getting enough sleep, you deprive your body of things it needs in order to function optimally. That can lead to weight changes, poor absorption of nutrients, skin blemishes, mood swings, and susceptibility to illness. Small problems can become bigger the longer you stretch this mentality. Whether you think the cost is outweighed by the benefit, just remember that there will be a cost. And it will be directly proportional to how much you wear yourself out.

2. You Have Paid Time Off For a Reason

I can remember telling myself, "it's not that bad, I can go to work." In part, I gave myself this pep talk because I knew I was sick on a "blackout" day. A day in the school calendar that us teachers were not aloud to miss. I was six days post-op from my second fistulectomy, and I truly thought I had no choice but to go to work, despite still being on pain medication. So I went. And because I with small children, I took Tylenol all day. By the end of the day, I was shaking when I moved. I could barely walk. And for what? Two weeks later, the internal stitches busted open and the tunnel that my body had dug itself between two of my organs was wide open. Sadly, the mentality to just keep going is big in education. But I'm not alone. Lots of jobs are physically demanding, and sometimes getting ahead means putting in the time. But, that can harm you or others around you when we refuse to rest. For example, would you congratulate your still-contagious co-worker for their perseverance when, a week later, you're running a fever? Worse still, it's possible to make sickness worse when we don't take the time we need to recuperate. I once worked with a teacher who got pneumonia his second week of student teaching. He refused to miss school for more than a couple of days. After all, he needed to graduate and couldn't afford to repeat a semester. But over Spring Break, he spent a few nights in the hospital with broken ribs from coughing so much. And while I always worried that people would be mad at me, or there wouldn't be enough substitutes, or I'd miss teaching something important to the kids, I have learned that it's okay to go back only when you're ready. Or, hey, take a personal day and get a massage.

3. It's Only Vacation If You Stop Working

You've done it. We all have. You opened your work email to look at your inbox, maybe even replied to a few, maybe felt compelled to work on a task or project after seeing some chatter about it while you were supposed to be on your vacation. Well, now that you've done that, you're back in work mode and you are definitely not relaxing. And what's more, your co-workers or even your boss now have the idea that you are completely available. So it keeps on coming. By refusing to relax, you also deny yourself the head space to rejuvenate and bing down your stress level. Stress is a big part of life, and it's unavoidable. But take it from someone with both anxiety and several autoimmune disorders, it can really affect you long-term. Stress is external stimuli that cause you feelings of urgency, frustration, and fear. Your body's response to this is determined by its immediacy. When we struggle to balance stress long-term, our bodies react by producing hormones and inflammation. We're more likely to sleep less or change our diet, we're less likely to engage in quiet activities or make time for other things that have less urgency. But when we do prioritize our stress over taking time for ourselves, less urgent things like our relationships or our own wellbeing eventually feel the shift as well.

4. You Can Say "No"

I'm such a people-pleaser. I hate disappointing others or causing problems. I've fainted and apologized for it. So while it seems obvious to some of us that we really do have choices, I'm sure I'm not alone when I say that I have often felt like I had to do something, even when I knew I couldn't. I've been given deadlines and thought, "I'm going to have to work late to finish this." Then proceeded to do that for a full week. At some point, my husband asked me to quit a job where I worked twelve hour days and then came home and kept working. But he was right to ask me; I clearly did not know how to balance that job with my life, and I've also learned that jobs won't exactly help you to do that. No, they'll take as much as they can with very little regard for whether that makes you happy. It's up to you to advocate for your own happiness, your own balance. When you say "no", you're saying no to create boundaries, not to destroy your chances of advancing or keeping your job. Much like in a relationship, you need to communicate what you're comfortable taking on.

5. You Can Leave

I'm not suggesting you quit everything when things get tough. The best things in life take the most effort. But, there are other things that refuse to get better even when you find yourself making those little sacrifices that you know will eventually cause you real harm. I learned this last, and I learned it the hardest. Being a teacher, you don't want to leave kids mid-year and upset the routines they have while they are trying to learn. But, I did. I left them when it became obvious to me that I was really and truly sick, and in an environment that would not allow me to get better. I worked on the only floor of my building with no adult bathroom at a time when I was battling Crohn's Disease and a vaginal fistula without having half of my intestines. I had one prep period a day and often, duties that kept me on my feet while I was in charge of a hundred kids. I was never going to prioritize my health while I was there. The kids will be fine, they're awesome and flexible. But me? I am going to finally focus on being healthy.

self help
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About the Creator

Elizabeth Tebb

I'm usually narrating books for Audible or writing romances, but writing in any form is my passion. My hobbies are focused on the written word. I also love to cook and travel. I live with my husband and two kitties in Hoboken, New Jersey.

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