Five Challenges To Let Go & Stop Being A "Control Freak"

Do you like to plan everything, to the tiniest detail?

Do you hate surprises and unexpected events?

Do you need a heads up or to be notified days before any visit, date or meeting?

Being a “control freak” can have serious repercussions on our lives and that of others around us!

More important, it can suck the joy, spontaneity, and excitement out of us.

Our quest for perfection deprives us of beautiful experiences and imprisons us in a state of anxiety.

So coming from a real “control freak”, here are 5 challenges to be less controlling and leave more room for spontaneity and pleasures in your lives.

1. Recognize your triggers

Everything starts with acceptance.

Though it may be hard to admit that you are obsessed with control, the road to learning how to let go starts with this simple step.

Action: note in which areas you are controlling and what are exactly your triggers. What do you always need to control? And why?

Could be for example that you simply hate being invited at the last minute even if it’s to a place/activity you enjoy and with people you love.

Your control area is social.

Now ask yourself why? Why do you always need a heads up? Why are you even willing to miss out on the fun?

If I was to answer this, I’d probably say it’s because I love to always look and feel my best before socializing!

An obsession with control generally hides much more than what is obvious, And digging into it with this step can reveal so much, that you’d be surprised.

2. Delegate

One symptom almost all control lovers share is the desire to do everything by one’s self. This way you can control and inspect that everything is done exactly as you want it, which is unrealistic and exhausting in the long term.

There will always be things out of your control!

So while it’s not easy to delegate it’s essential to your wellbeing.

Delegating will teach you to have more faith and trust in others, but also have more trust in your instincts! I mean look at it this way, you’re still the one who decides who you delegate to and what you delegate.

Action: start with tasks or areas that are less upsetting to your desire to control and make sure you’re not continuously trying to monitor whoever is doing the task for you.

3. Say goodbye to “working like clockwork”

Do you plan every hour and every minute of the day?

Do you need your days and your life to run like clockwork for you to be calm and not anxious?

If the answer is yes, then it’s time for you to reconnect with spontaneity!

Forget about trying to “control” your schedules and everything going on according to your agendas. You have to relearn how to deal calmly with unforeseen events and surprises.

Action: resist the temptation to plan some things too far in advance and fill out every box and every hour in your agenda with something to do.

Start by keeping a few hours free for yourself to leave room for spontaneity.

4. Notice your losses

Being a control freak generally accompanies perfectionism and the fear of failure, so when we avoid having certain experiences or trying new things because we are afraid of not being perfect, we are basically self-sabotaging. We’re hurting ourselves by simply preventing ourselves from living.

Action: try to focus on the pleasure felt instead of the performance.

Focus on your senses instead of the voices in your head.

Remind yourself that there is no competition. Refusing to try for fear of not excelling or failing will make you, in the long run, very unhappy. Try to write this down and remind yourself of it constantly.

5. Practice Humor

Humor can help us overcome our desire to control everything and also allows us to make amends when we realize that we are still a little controlling which can be super annoying and frustrating to our loved ones.

Action: if you let slip a comment, in the kitchen, to your lover to better “guide” him about the messy job he’s doing, try to treat the situation with humor instead of getting angry and apologize for having fallen back into your bad habit of correcting.

You can use this technique even when you’re alone. With humor, you’re less likely to be hard on yourself about your controlling habit which in return makes it easier for you to be less sensitive and more open to any ways you can learn to let go.

This last one is my own personal favorite, and probably the one challenge and action I found the easiest to apply in my journey of trying to fight my obsessive desire of control.

I hope you took some value from this post and stay tuned for more wellbeing and personal growth posts!

Source: originally published on Simily