Finding Myself

by LeAnn Murch 2 months ago in happiness

Am I really lost or did I just forget who I am?

Finding Myself

When we're little we're constantly being asked what we want to be when we grow up and we always have random, sometimes silly ideas but most people don't grow up to be anything like they stated in their answers. Every year we change and grow into our personalities. We find new interests and discover new talents and things we're actually good at. We never really know what we plan on doing as a career until the 2nd year of college. We go 20 plus years not knowing who we are or what we like, we're constantly changing and trying to figure out who we actually are.

My whole life i was set on being in the military so I could travel the world. I never wanted to settle down or have kids, ever. My plans were always to travel and see the entire world, that was my dream and everything I wanted. I always compared myself to a bird, I was jealous of them and wanted to be one so bad. They could fly above everyone and everything, they could see the entire world from above. Anytime they were uncomfortable all they had to do was spread their wings and just take off to a new place. I wanted that so very much.

My plans changed when I became a mom at 18 and had a husband. Then 2 more kids later I was a stay at home mom of 3 kids and a wife to a man I didn't love. I hated my life in its entirety. Don't get me wrong I absolutely love and adore my children but it was not the life I had ever wanted or could have imagined for myself. Then it was all stripped from me when I left my husband and he won custody of my kids. You would think I'd be ecstatic to be free and do as I wanted but I wasn't happy at all. For 9 years the only thing I had ever known was to be a mom. I didn't know who I was outside of being a mother. So I had to find myself all over again.

At the age of 24 I was divorced with 3 kids and living in an empty apartment. I took any job I could get but nothing ever stuck because I wasn't happy and it was never what I wanted to actually do.

I threw myself into writing and working out, those were my passions and things that made me happy. I kept wanting to find a job in either field but they both require schooling or certifications of some sort. So those career paths were out of the question.

I started hopping from job to job, learning as much as I possibly could. I figured since I can't afford to travel the world then I'll just learn a ton of different trades. Give myself a ton of experience so when I finally do settle on a career I'll have lots of different experiences under my belt. But that doesn't work out so well because all it says to employers is that you're fickle and very unstable. Nobody wants to hire someone who leaves a job after just a few months of being there.

Now here I am in my 30s and I'm still unsure of who I am or what I want to do in life. When I think back on my past all I can think about is how the dreams I use to have are still very much the same dreams I have now only with more details added. We might not think we know who we are as young children but we do it's just life experiences that alter those dreams. When we go through life and say we need to find ourselves I don't think it means we don't know who we are I think it just means we've lost the dreams and passions we had as children. I think we need to just find that child again and bring back our love and excitement for what it is we really want out of life.

We never really lose ourselves we just get lost in the chaos of life and other peoples opinions. We can't let other peoples ideas stop us from wanting to achieve our childhood dreams. People tell us what's right and wrong our whole lives. But once we're adults we are in control of our own destinies, we can't let the opinions of others change our minds. Just because someone doesn't agree with our choices doesn't mean we shouldn't do what makes us happy.

Stop letting the world shape you and decide for you. Be your true self and do what truly makes you happy. That's the only way you're going to find yourself and who you really are. In the end it's just you in this world, people come and go all the time so don't alter yourself to please them and hide yourself. Do what's going to make you 100% happy. Continue to fight for your dreams. If you're passionate about something change your life to make room for it. We're only here for a short while so make the most of it. Become who you've always wanted to be. Screw what anyone has to say about it because at the end of the day you have to answer to yourself and only yourself.

Think of it this way, if your 10 year old self came to you and asked why you're not who you said you were going to be what would you say to them? Don't let that inner child down, be what you want. Achieve those dreams, accomplish every goal you've ever wrote down. Complete everything on your bucket list, don't get old and have regrets because you let someone else's opinions stop you from being who you truly are. You're not lost, your true self is there, you just gotta let him/her out.

LeAnn Murch
LeAnn Murch
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LeAnn Murch
Just a crazy woman trying to survive the madness of life.One bossy bitch with lots to say. Tattoo and music junkie. I'm socially awkward so I do my best speaking through my finger tips.
See all posts by LeAnn Murch