Expectations vs Reality

" Expectation is the root of all heartache" , William Shakespeare

The setting that I grew up in, didn't allow much room for expectations, rather; from an early age I learnt to be very careful of everyone. For me the only people, I ever expected anything from was my immediate family. So when it came to things such as Love; loyalty; faithfulness; support and trust, I only ever expected it from my family. Any other person that fell short in these areas, I would be okay to easily let them go as I didn't expect much from them anyway.

Growing into an adult made that a little more difficult. When I began to make close friends, building relationships with people that felt like family, my expectations of them grew to be the same as the ones I had for my real family. So if I loved them, I expected them to love me back. If I was honest and outspoken with them, I expected them to do the same with me and if I trusted them, I expected them to trust me. But life quickly found various ways of showing me that, that was not the case. As friends began to disappoint, betray and let me down, I quickly learnt that just because you view someone as family, doesn't mean that they see you in the same light.

However, the expectations that I have truly struggled with were the ones that I have set for myself. Every child is encouraged to develop some form of expectations of whom they want to be when they grow up and so did I.

I remember wanting to be a doctor, serving in my Church, being married to a tall handsome rich man, and just raising my beautiful kids in the same neighbourhood as my childhood friends in Congo. And I wanted to achieve all that by the age of 27.

Fast forward, I m 25, still single, not quiet a Doctor yet, Now living in England, haven't seen my childhood friends in over 13 years but at least I m serving in a Church.

Well I guess it is fair to say that my expectations have not exactly meet up with my reality. In between my childhood expectations and now, my self-expectations have changed greatly and are still changing. I am sure you have experienced that as well. I m sure if you were given a dress you loved 10 years ago, you probably would not want to wear it today. And that's okay; because as humans we have the ability to change our minds and adjust to new situations.

You may find it useful to develop a mindset that accepts that you may not Always be able to meet up with your own expectations; friends and family will not always meet your expectations and that's ok too.

Here are a few tips, I try to keep in mind when it comes to expectations and trying to avoid disappointments:

1. Being grateful

I'm always grateful for the wonderful parents I have, who never cease to support me no matter what.

2. Being open minded

Try not to be too focused on doing things a certain way or wanting things to workout in a particular way. Life Is Not That Predictable.

3. Forgiveness

I have come to learn that sometimes you forgive people not because they deserve it but because it frees you from an invisible burden .

4. Have a good sense of humour

We Africans do not struggle with this one because we turn everything into a joke, which is good because laughter is the best medicine for an aching heart.

5. Being Honest

If you expect something from someone tell them. Don't expect them to "just know", they are not mind readers.

6. Letting go

Don't just cut people off, let them know why you are disappointed with them. The good ones will learn from their mistakes.

7. Self acceptance

Accept that you are human and there is only so much you can control. Don't spend your life trying to be in control when you should have been LIVING.