Even the Best Changes Can Be Scary
The difference between fear and wrong for you
I love home improvement shows. I think it's because they take space that isn't working, or sometimes hideous, and they transform it into functional beauty. I've always thought I'd be amazing to have someone come in and transform my house into something designed for me (of course I need to buy a house first).
I'd be great on one of those shows because I love that kind of change. There is nothing scary to me about colors, layouts, furniture and design. Of course I'm also the girl that painted every wall in my first apartment a different color (green, yellow, orange, & purple).
Changes, even the best ones, can be both exciting and scary.
Even when you want change, getting it can be overwhelming. That's why a lot of hairstylists, designers, and even coaches will give you a watered down version of what you say you want.
In my opinion they do that more for them than you. They don't want to have to undo all their hard work.
Too often people say they want BIG dramatic change, but as soon as it starts to show up or they can see it as real, they Freak Out. Gut reaction is to want things to go back to how they used to be because that is comfortable and comfortable equals safe.
Have you ever worked really hard on something and then almost immediately had to undo it all? It can feel soul crushing. Or you get angry for basically wasting your time.
When I first started dying my hair purple I had to go back twice after because I was so disappointed that it wasn't purple enough.
The first time I had it done I went in and showed her pictures of girls with vibrant bright purples. That night I went to work & no one even noticed. I went home and sobbed in front of the mirror. I didn't want to call my stylist to complain, I'm not a complainer. Technically it was purple, a very safe respectable purple. The kind of purple that, unless you were outside in the middle of the day, looked like a normal dark brown.
One week later I went back. This time I told her "I want people to look at me and say f*ck her hair is purple!" Once she knew I wouldn't freak out, we got to the point where she wouldn't even tell me what she was doing or what colors.
I'm fearless when it comes to dramatic changes to my hair or house. I think it has a lot to do with my belief that everything is fixable.
Changing careers, ending relationships, and changing my routine are changes that I used to overthink(that's code for they freaked me out because they have the potential to change my life).
I used to think about them forever before I did anything about them. There was a lot of start and stop and start over. There was this feeling that I had one shot to get it right.
Even when you really want change there's a good chance you'll hit a spot where you start to panic a little and get the urge to leave things as they are. No worries, it's natural to get those feelings. What matters is what you do next.
Now is when you have to get brutally honest with yourself. What's freaking you out about the change?
Is it that you're realizing you don't actually want it? I used to work with a woman that was in constant competition with her friends. Her friend got a BMW so she worked her ass off to get a BMW. Finally she traded in the car she absolutely adored for this new car that, if we're being honest, she hated.
If you don't want it, stop. No guilt.
Does it feel like you're going down the wrong path? I worked with a coach that kept pushing me to focus my business towards helping other people figure out their businesses. I tried to go with it, but honestly that's not what excites me. I love it as part of the whole, but if I had to talk business all day I'd get burnt out real quick.
Adjust your path. Keep the changes you're liking and redesign what isn't you.
Is it just part of the process? Sometimes when you begin to see the change becoming real you freak out because it's different. It's like when you get hired at your dream job and before you start you worry that you won't be good at it. What if you don't like who you work with? What if you're not qualified enough? What if you screw it up and they fire you? (Maybe that's just me)
If you're just scared because it's different, keep going. You deserve good things!
Create change that excites you.