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Emotional Unavailability: The Red Flags and How to Deal

by Sarfaraz Ali about a month ago in advice
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Emotional Unavailability: The Red Flags and How to Deal
Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

Let’s talk about emotional unavailability. You’ve probably heard of it before, but what does it actually mean? And more importantly, how can you spot if someone is emotionally unavailable? Well, I’m going to share the telltale signs so that you can protect yourself from getting involved with an emotionally unavailable person.

What Is Emotional Unavailability and Why Should You Care

We’ve all been there. We meet someone who seems perfect for us, only to find out that they’re emotionally unavailable. If you’re in a relationship with someone who is emotionally unavailable, you may find yourself feeling lonely, neglected, and unimportant. It’s a frustrating and painful experience, but it’s one that we can learn from. After all, emotional unavailability is often a defense mechanism that people use to protect themselves from getting hurt. By understanding why someone is emotionally unavailable, we can often find a way to help them open up and connect with us on a deeper level.

So, what is emotional unavailability? Essentially, it’s a person’s inability or unwillingness to connect with others on an emotional level. This can manifest in many ways, from being unable to express emotions to being afraid of intimacy. This can be due to a number of factors, including past trauma, anxiety, or simply a lack of experience. Whatever the cause, the result is the same: an inability to form deep and meaningful relationships.

While emotional unavailability can occur in any relationship, it is especially common in romantic relationships. If you’re in a relationship with someone who is emotionally unavailable, it’s important to understand that it’s not your fault. Often, they’re simply unable to express themselves the way that you want them to. With patience and understanding, however, you may be able to help them overcome their barriers and create a more connected relationship.

The Red Flags That Indicate Someone May Be Emotionally Unavailable

If you’re suspecting that your partner may be emotionally unavailable, there are some red flags to watch out for:

  1. They’re often guarded and avoidant. Emotionally unavailable people tend to be afraid of intimacy, and intimacy often makes them feel uncomfortable or even threatened. As a result, they may keep their distance from others or build up walls in order to protect themselves.
  2. They’re inconsistent. One minute they may be hot, and the next minute they may be cold. They may be distant and aloof, or they may be clingy and needy. It’s never quite clear where you stand with them, which can leave you feeling off-balance and confused. This inconsistency can make it difficult to build a lasting connection with an emotionally unavailable person.
  3. They’re often self-centered. Emotionally unavailable people tend to be more focused on their own needs and desires than on the needs of others. This self-centeredness can make them seem insensitive and uninterested in the feelings of others.
  4. They’re often uncommitted. Emotionally unavailable people tend to shy away from committed relationships, or they may start out hot and then quickly grow indifferent. They will often make excuses for why they can’t commit to a relationship.
  5. They divert personal conversations. Emotionally unavailable people might divert conversations away from anything personal and fail to listen when you’re trying to talk to them.
  6. They put little effort into the relationship. If you’re feeling like you’re always the one doing the work in the relationship and your partner isn’t meeting you halfway, it could be a sign that they’re emotionally unavailable.
  7. They have unhealthy relationships with others. Because of their inability to connect at a deep level, their relationships with other people are often tumultuous and chaotic.
  8. They are often busy. Emotionally unavailable people may be compulsively busy or always on the go, making it hard to connect on a deeper level.

How To Deal with The Discovery That The Person You’re Interested In Is Emotionally Unavailable

If you’ve recently discovered that the person you’re interested in is emotionally unavailable, it can be a tough pill to swallow. You may feel hurt, disappointed, or even angry. However, it’s important to remember that this isn’t necessarily a reflection on you. There are a number of reasons why someone might be emotionally unavailable, and it’s important to respect their boundaries. If you’re interested in pursuing a relationship with someone who is emotionally unavailable, there are a few things you can do to try and build trust and intimacy.

  1. Try to be patient. It may take some time for them to open up to you.
  2. Make sure that you’re honest about your own feelings and expectations. This will help them feel more comfortable sharing their own thoughts and emotions.
  3. Try to understand why they are emotionally unavailable. There may be a valid reason behind it, such as past trauma or a fear of intimacy.
  4. Respect their boundaries. If they have told you that they aren’t ready for a relationship, it’s important to respect that. Pushing them will only make them withdraw further.
  5. Focus on your own wellbeing. This situation isn’t about you, so don’t beat yourself up over it. Instead, focus on taking care of yourself emotionally and mentally. Spend time with friends and loved ones, do things that make you happy, and focus on self-improvement.

With time and patience, you may be able to build a strong and meaningful relationship with an emotionally unavailable person.

What To Do If You’re Already in A Relationship With An Emotionally Unavailable Person

If you’re in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person, you may feel like you’re never quite sure where you stand. Your partner may be difficult to reach, or they may withdraw from intimacy when things get tough. As a result, you may often find yourself feeling frustrated, hurt, and alone. While it’s not easy to be in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person, there are some things you can do to improve the situation.

  1. If you’re in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person, it can be tough to manage your own emotions while also trying to support your partner. Here are a few tips to help you through this challenging situation:
  2. Accept that your partner may never be as emotionally available as you want them to be. This doesn’t mean that they don’t care about you; it just means that they may have trouble expressing their feelings.
  3. Try to create opportunities for emotional intimacy. This could involve sharing your own feelings and thoughts with your partner or doing things together that make you feel connected and close.
  4. Be patient and understanding. They may need time to work through their own issues before they’re able to open up fully. It takes time for some people to open up, so don’t force your partner to share their emotions before they’re ready.
  5. Seek professional help if needed. If you’re finding it difficult to cope with your partner’s emotional distance, it may be helpful to talk to a therapist or counselor who can offer guidance and support.
  6. Consider your options. If the situation is unmanageable, it may be best to walk away.
  7. Finally, make sure to take care of yourself emotionally and physically. It’s important that you nurture your own well-being so that you can be strong enough to handle the ups and downs of the relationship.

How To Heal from An Emotionally Unavailable Relationship

If you’ve been in an emotionally unavailable relationship, you know how painful it can be. Emotionally unavailable relationships are more common than you might think. And if you’re struggling to heal from one, know that there is hope.

Breakups are never easy, but when you’ve been in a relationship with someone who is emotionally unavailable, they can be even harder. If you’ve spent months or years trying to get your partner to open up without success, it’s only natural to feel hurt and rejected. However, it’s important to remember that being in an emotionally unavailable relationship is not your fault. There are some things you can do to help heal from the experience and protect yourself from getting involved in another emotionally unavailable relationship in the future.

With time and patience, you can start to feel better. Here are a few tips to help you get started:

  1. Give yourself time to grieve. Just like any other loss, the end of an emotionally unavailable relationship can be incredibly painful. Allow yourself to mourn the loss of what could have been. It’s okay to cry, to feel angry or bitter. Just don’t get stuck in that place. Eventually, you’ll start to heal.
  2. Allow yourself to feel all of your emotions, but don’t dwell on them for too long.
  3. Take care of yourself. When you’re grieving, it’s easy to let your self-care fall by the wayside.
  4. Take some time for yourself. Spend time with friends and loved ones, do things that make you happy, and focus on taking care of yourself.
  5. Take time to reflect on what you want and need in a partner. What qualities were lacking in your previous relationship? What did you do to try to make the relationship work? What did you sacrifice in order to stay in the relationship? Answering these questions can help you avoid getting involved in another emotionally unavailable relationship in the future.

Emotional unavailability is a real thing, and it can be really tough to deal with. It can be difficult to spot, especially if you’re not familiar with the signs. But once you know what to look for, it becomes much easier to deal with. If you find yourself in an emotionally unavailable relationship, there are steps you can take to try and heal the damage. No one deserves to be in an unhealthy relationship. Thanks for reading!

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About the author

Sarfaraz Ali

A Psychologist, Writer, Animal advocate and Human Rights activist. My blog is about finding the balance in life and encouraging others to be their best selves.

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