Don’t Let The Negative Ninnies Get You Down

I’m the worst person for dwelling on negative comments, despite trying hard to have a positive outlook on life. I think it’s part of our evolution. I once read that negative experiences have a greater impact on us emotionally, so we remember to avoid them in future. It’s part of the evolutionary survival mechanism that made us a successful species.

So how’s that translate to the modern world? Not so well, sadly.

Bad book reviews

When I got one bad book review, I spent weeks wondering whether the 30 good ones were wrong. I wondered whether the one insightful person who thinks my work is a pile of shit, is actually the only one telling the truth!

OK, perhaps that’s an exaggeration, but it did make me wonder if the others were just being polite!

It didn’t help that the reviewer was tweeting his review every day for about two months. Talk about overdoing it. I got the message the first time, thanks!

It also made me seriously question whether the advice I took from a best-selling author and a writing tutor, to increase the amount of dialogue in my book, was bad advice. But I’ve never had fiction published before. They’ve sold tens of thousands. So I followed expert advice. And until I saw that bad review, everyone loved it!

It just goes to show that you can’t please everyone!

In fact, the best thing that helped me get this guy’s comments into perspective, was reading his book, which to my mind, is truly awful and virtually unreadable.

So, we are obviously at completely different ends of the literary spectrum and have wildly different tastes. That provided me with a huge amount of comfort… while I still ponder whether I should turn some of that dialogue back into narrative!

Onto social media

In another example, I typed something that I thought was great, showing how to see the upside in bad situations. I shared it on social media, got 100 positive comments and a few negatives. Then spent weeks wondering whether I should not have said something that was supposed to be positive, helpful, encouraging, good… because a handful of people decided to take offence.

So I tweaked my blog. But I feel we live in a free country, where I value freedom of speech, and if I want to tell people what has helped me, I’ll do that.

The approach may not work for everyone. But sleeping aids don’t work for everyone either. That doesn’t stop a lot of us trying them when we’re having a rough spell.

The covid vaccine is only 90% effective, but we’re still rolling it out around the world. Because sometimes, there’s merit in trying something that doesn’t work for everyone. Because it’s better than dying from covid, lying awake all night, or wallowing in a pit of negativity.

Which leads me to the question, why are people who think positivity is toxic, reading articles on positive thinking anyway?

Misunderstandings

Some people seem to be primed to be negative, and if you’re on the receiving end, it’s easy to get dragged down by them. Someone took a pop at me yesterday, because they’d misread a comment that was intended to be helpful and positive. *They misread it!*

I got a series of accusations hurled across the internet, eventually followed by an apology, after I pointed out that they’d *misread* my comment. I managed to enjoy the afternoon, but the campaign of hate ruined my morning.

Then there’s the sensitivity

Personally, I find it quite hard not to let the negative ninnies bother me. I’m a sensitive soul. However, in all honesty, although it touched a nerve, the book review is fine. It’s his opinion and we’re all entitled to an opinion. It’s good to have some diversity of opinion in the reviews, but I still wonder whether I made a mistake in my editing. I can learn from that.

It also makes me wonder whether I should stick with non-fiction, my strength. But is that wrong? I’ve never been one for giving up. But I’m not sure I have another novel in me — the last one hasn’t sold well.

I’m rambling now… so I’m going to sign off with the following words…

Don’t let the negative ninnies get you down!

It’s hard! I know. But when I write on topics like this, the advice is as much for me, as it is for anyone reading it.

Let’s look on the bright side. I’m trying to focus on the little girl who loved my book so much that she took it to school and showed it to all her friends.

And I’ve received lots of positive responses to my writing, blogging and other work. It certainly helps me, to see these things in their broader context. Even if getting a broader perspective doesn’t help everyone!

Good luck fellow writers! Be nice to each other!

If you’d like to check out my novel, click here: Pestilence.

(c) Susie Kearley