Don’t get comfortable, nothing is going to stay the same....

It’s very strange to to experience, almost in tandem... the evaporation of, well I was going to say two things I love at the same time. However I realise that in one case I am long overdue an overhaul and if I’m really honest … I’m not sure I loved it any more.

But what of the one I’m sure I love..? Acting. I have to admit It’s a fairly newish love... and I’m old I suppose, but it’s only been around for me for a very short time. But I realised in the past four years.. it’s just “me.. “ I should have been doing it for years. I obviously don’t look upon it as anything other than a love... if someone will pay me for my input that will be fantastic... it’s not an absolute requirement...if quite a few people see my stage plays and film appearances that’s so wonderful.... I wasn’t intending to be heading for Hollywood... I’ll be doing it regardless...

Why in earth did it take me so long to get here? Confidence people... or rather the lack thereof ... stopped me from trying. I knew I hated drama games too... I’d tried acting classes when I was younger and they put me off… I really felt uncomfortable and I wasn’t a fan... I finally found one that is actually just “doing” and how do we learn best...? but had to go through some awkward, painful hoops to get there...

I was bowling along quite happily in the acting world along with so many others... when covid threw the performing arts scene under the bus. I keep on going ...with zoom performances, zoom script readings and zoom class. All of these things just seem like a cardboard cut out of the real thing... marginally better than nothing... but only marginally

It was very unexpected as my employment status was supposed to be secure, but while all this was “not happening” or happening under lockdown conditions I found out that I was surplus to requirements in my day job. I wasn’t alone but I could help but feel to be cut adrift at this stage in life was a bit scary....In many ways this idea of being surplus is nonsense... I know that I’m not, as it’s a job that requires all hands on deck, to run smoothly... the weight that is going to be bearing down on those left behind, is a very hefty one. As with everything... it’s about money. But hearing this news did not crush me, I’m choosing to look at it as the push I need to work with the qualifications I have, rather than accepting, as I have been, the minimum wage...

If covid wasn’t happening I’d be glad to be working for one day to earn what I’d usually earn in 3. But this is by no means certain, as it would have been a few years ago. There is no certainty in any job market… and given that I have not kept in the loop… well not fully.. I have most certainly acquired very transferable skills but if this coupled with my advanced age… I have to say I’m not feeling as certain as I might have 10 years ago or let’s be honest 20 years ago!

All I can do is keep on going ... putting one foot in front of the other...sprucing up the CVs,... creating resources that will support me in what I hope will be my new day job... and of course writing scripts, collaborating and keeping in touch with fellow actors and planning for normal... whatever that is going to be.