Does My Happiness Exist?

I have always wondered while wandering if true happiness exists and if I'll ever find it. As I looked around, keeping to the ground as whispers and experiences poison my naïve view, even the most happy people can be misleading. "Always check on your most happiest friends" seemed to be the thing to believe in to a point I've always caught myself in thought, am I the conditioned one? I never wanted to believe so much I kept pushing forward as if being happy was my only setting, however, ever since I was 6 years old it's never been the case and I have been kidding myself all along.

There are many theories behind what true happiness can be and how it's achieved though I've never found any of them to be remotely fitting; my therapist once said, "Happiness is only obtained from within and if you can't find it where you are, you will never know it elsewhere." I can believe that for a second, and a few more. More so, I believe if you are not working on bettering yourself, falling in love with yourself, and creating a life and environment you are proud to call home, you will never be close to the happy goal no matter how much money or things you have. I've always been fortunate in this arena. My family started out wealthy, went to middle class, and ended up poor by the time I was able to work for my own money, and there was never a moment where I'd call my existence truly happy. And as I got older, the stronger the sinking feeling of despair settled, and to me true happiness didn't exist.

Happiness is an emotion just like being angry or sad and somehow along the way, we all forgot that. The expectation of always being the light in a dim room manifested to push out our natural cycle, and range of emotions, we shall feel on any given day. And as I observe more, it seems that an entire generation has been stunted and closed to feeling our natural cycle of emotions, that when someone tells you to find true happiness, it's like learning a foreign language using only pictures.

Don't be confused, happiness does exist; not in the concept everyone is preaching. The beauty of being able to live and cultivate anything we desire in this world, has joy and the feeling of bliss already existing within it; because you are doing it. We create our own moments and rush through the things we work towards, through learning, through our passions and jobs, and in anything that could bring us closer to loving ourselves. That is why I love creating, writing, and meditating. Because each activity is bringing me closer to being comfortable in my own skin and life.

The sound of scissors and their shivering glide with the sound of breaking paper filling my ears, is a moment and feeling I won't forget. I was 10 when I first dabbled into scrapbooking and it filled me with a particular enjoyment that has stayed with me into adulthood. And it's the only moment in my life that has connected in such a way, I look for that feeling in anything I do. I owe this moment to finding my passion in writing; poetry, articles, and even short essays, to singing and being able to freely express myself in acting and drawing what I see. If what you're doing doesn't bring you long term joy and happiness, then I encourage you find something that does.

Manifesting your future through mosaic boards of imagery, is a great way to get started; grab your pair of scissors and get to work finding what brings you that spark to keep going. Writing and producing music is my new found joy and a path I'm staying persistent. Pure enjoyment and the happiness we are all chasing is not from a magical source or supplement, it is from the positivity towards us in others, and following a path that feeds you. This is what we all should be striving for because for that, is where true happiness lies and will always lie.