Okay... so looking in the mirror isn’t my favorite thing to do. It’s something that I find rarely tells me the truth.
I mean, if it had, I would have made some changes long ago. Seriously, I would have stopped ordering the number two meal at McDonald's. I would have controlled my desire to eat three baskets of tortilla chips before my Mexican dinner. I would have stopped buying new clothes and cutting off the size tag so I wouldn’t have to face the number of several “X’s” in front of the L. Heck... I may have even started exercising!!!
For some reason I didn’t see how round my face... well actually, my entire body had gotten! Okay... so I knew what the number on the scale said. I knew I was buying bigger clothes. I knew moving in general wasn’t quite as easy as it once use to be. But when I got dressed and looked down at my clothes, things didn't look so bad from that perspective! I didn’t feel so round! As long as my hair was looking good... I was good!
But then it happened... hesitation. It was a feeling I didn’t really know well, but all of sudden it was my best friend. Hesitation was with me everywhere, like a bad penny! It just keep showing up!
And when I say showing up... I mean showing up.
Do you want to go to a music festival? Of course I want to go. Hesitation would whisper to me "Will there be a lot of walking? Will it be too hot? Will you be able to keep up?”
“Aunt Kristen, do you want to play a game down here on the floor?” Hesitation would speak up, “Be careful getting down on the floor. It’s not gonna be comfortable. It will be hard to get up.”
“Aunt Kristen, will you play baseball? Jump with us at the trampoline park? Go for a bike ride?” Hesitation would practically scream at me “Ummm... what are you thinking! You are going to kill yourself, or at the very least seriously injure yourself!”
I mean, if the mirror hadn’t lied all those years, I would have stopped the extra 80 pounds from becoming a part of me! I never would have had to meet Hesitation! But the mirror did lie and I did meet her... Hesitation!
My husband and I went to Thailand for three weeks in 2018. It was there, my most loved country, that Hesitation and I had a showdown and I woke up!
I found myself so afraid I couldn’t walk a certain distance. I was worried about walking up all the stairs. What if I couldn’t fit into the sea kayak... or worse, it sank. I want to snorkel, but getting in and out of the boat... may be too hard. And the list goes on!
After the trip...it took me a few months, but I finally decided I needed to break up with my psycho stalker friend Hesitation. I was 48 at the time, and I wanted to live life! After all, I needed to be ready to celebrate turning 50! So I decided to make some changes.
So heard the deal... I love change. But these changes... honestly sucked! Let’s be real... adding the 80 pounds was A LOT more fun until Hesitation joined the game! My “why” for the changes I was about to make was very simple... DESTROY Hesitation to enjoy life!
I joined a weight loss group. I attend meetings weekly to stay focused. I lost 25 pounds in the first three months. I then started exercising because I felt better. Thirteen months after starting I have now lost 61.2 pounds. Yes... that .2 is important!! Hesitation is 85 percent gone, and now has a very faint voice. I’ve jumped at the trampoline park, I don’t hesitate to do stairs, I exercise five times a week, I play on the floor, I run around playing baseball, and I even tried indoor skydiving! Not to mention I eat healthier... heck, my total cholesterol improved 16 points!
Yet... the mirror still lies. But it’s different now. Now I only see the round girl who was 61.2 pounds heavier. People tell me all the time, “You look great” or “You’ve gotten so small,” but now all I see is the person I couldn’t bring myself to see before.
Although I need to keep killing hesitation, my new "why" as I lose the last 20 pounds: To merge the girl I see in the mirror with the person I am.