Deciding to restart.

As a 22 year old...I can say I’m young. Alot of people my age seem to think, omg I’m SO old now. Yeah you‘re older than you were but you’re not OLD.

The point of this story is that I’m still figuring out stuff and THAT’S OKAY!

In high school I decided I wanted to go to art school, only because I knew it would be easier to get a scholarship, prior to my art school desicion I was dead set on being a Holistic Doctor and go to Bastry University. The tuition was crazy high so I had to make a decision. Money...or Passion. This is a very hard choice. Why should I hold back what I want to do just because I have no money and that being in debt is very scary. WHY?! WHY SHOULD I! Well, I guess those reasons really did scare me and made sense at the time.

I ended up getting accepted into SMFA at Tuft University. OMG yay...so cool. I really didn’t care. At that point I was just doing something to do it. Art is fun and I appreciate those who have passion for it. You can tell when they do...I do not. As a back up plan I was also looking into culinary school but the living costs and tuition was a problem. My brother lived in Boston attending Berklee so I thought SMFA made sense at the time. (Also, I live in CA)

Before I go alllll the way to art school, I said to myself hey gurl, you need to save money AND you should learn what it‘s like to live by yourself...I’m 17/18 and have a little time left to graduate. Luckily for me my parents wanted to move back to Hawai‘i. I sternly said, No, I’m staying here Graduating with my friends, blah blah. They let me live in they’re now old house and pay rent, PG&E, WiFi...ALL THE ADULTY THING. I can honestly say this was a great experience. I had a great job at Top Golf and made about 3-4 grand a month, mostly off tips. For someone my age it was pretty good. I did this for about a year and during that year I made a decision that changed everything.

I quit my job. Right out of nowhere, made no sense at all.

All of a sudden I was freaking out. Didn’t know what to do and didn‘t want to go back to my parents for help for some reason. (probably pride) I did call my mom though, sobbing. Telling her how I have no idea what I want to do. I told her I don’t want to go to art school I don‘t want to do that for the rest of my life. (Thinking I go to one school and that‘s my career forever) All of this is going down at the end of March.

My mom said, “Then don‘t go. Do something else.”

YES. This made sense. So for I decided I’m gonna go to culinary school. (There are reason as why, but that’s another story) I had one month to apply and get accepted and enroll. I had a great enrollment advisor and she really helped me out to get it all done in time. Doing all of this in less than a month actually! Crazy!

So now it‘s May 2017...and I’m officially a CIA student at The Culinary Art Insitute of America-Greystone Campus in St. Helena, CA. This experience was amazing. Absolutely loved it. I got a ton of scholarships through sweat, insomnia, and lots of tears. So, I didn’t have a lot of loans left over. This journey was a brutal but worth it; another story for later. Fast forward and it’s Dec 2018 and I’m graduated. Now I need to figure out what the flip I’m doing, gonna do, where I’m gonna do it, and how.

OMG...not again.

It’s okay. Yes, I’m broke. Yes, I have to find somewhere to live. Yes, I was right debt is daunting. Fortunately I have pretty supportive parents. I decided to go live with them in Hawai’i. Back to the islands. I was reluctant, It’s not what I wanted. But, I don’t have to pay rent and free food is nice. So, this made sense.

Unfortunately living here as an adult is completely diffrent than the small times. 2019 was probably the worst year of my life. So bad I got a Therapist, whom I am extremely grateful too. To summarize: two car accidents, underpaid jobs; resulting in 2-3 jobs at once, double shifts and, only one day off to go to therapy, physical therapy, chiropractors, neurologist, and my primary, dealing with insurance, gaining a new pain that I’ll have for the rest of my life, being thousands of miles away from my best friends and partner; YES LIFE IS SO GREAT...I LIVE IN “PAaaRraaDiiissee”!

No, living cost is high, milk and bread each cost $7-$8 and everyone and their grandma has 2 jobs.

I can tell you my Covid-19 story but that‘s a rant I can save for my future vaccinated children. Thank you.

After all these things happened, I decided to trust my heart. (Yuck, sorry) I knew I wanted to stay in CA. I knew I had a love for health and holisitc medicine. I knew that my food passion could be applied to both of those!

So, its Jan 2020...I decide to start over. I’m going back to CA. I’m going to get certified as a Master Nutritional Consultant in holistic, weight management, sports and wellness. I’m going to get certified in Herbalism and I’m going to start my own business. I don’t care if my obsessive negative thoughts want to but in. I’m gonna kick them in the face ad actually do what I want. Even if it doesn’t make a lot of sense right now. I booked my ticket, and found my classes. I’m ready.

In May I will restart my life to do what I want to do and not let fear and doubt consume me.

In the mean time, i’ll write my stories, blogs and record videos. I hope it might help some high schooler or 20 year old realize...its not scary to start over if you need to. So don’t freak out. It happens to most of us!

Thanks for reading my post! I’m opening a Blog and Youtube channel this Saturday 05/16/2020 9pm HST. All under @Onigiraffe (also my instagram) :) Lots of love always.