Dear 24-Year-Old Talia

On Monday November 8th 2021, I will be 24 years old. While I'm still 23 years old, I want to make the best of each day, and most importantly, not being hard of myself if I don’t have the best day. I also want to write this letter to remind myself of how and who I want to be when I'm 24, as well as the things I want to do to make me feel joyful and worthwhile everyday. I also want to write this letter to remind myself of my past accomplishments and failures I've had for the last few years.

Dear 24-Year-Old Talia,

I fully understand that life isn’t perfect, nor will it ever be. I’ve tried so hard to become better and live each day happily, successfully, meaningfully, healthily and magically. Despite the challenges I go through every day, I deserve to be just like everyone else. Just because I have a dual diagnosis, it doesn’t mean that I don’t deserve to be like any other human on this earth. Autism is just a label. It doesn’t define who I am. Anxiety is just a condition. It doesn’t mean that I can’t heal from my inner wounds.

For the last two years, I’ve had the chance to reflect on my mistakes and celebrate both my accomplishments and the uniqueness of who I am. Yes, I’ve been forced to stay home and limit my time outside, but that didn’t prevent me from looking after my well-being and working on my long-term goals. I came to the realization that home is a great place to be in. I can’t always rely on the community to give me fulfillment and pleasure. I also have to rely on what I have at home to lighten up my days. Several COVID-19 lockdowns have taught me this important lesson that I wish to recall for the rest of my life. I also tell the exact same things I realized and learned to my friends, family members and people I want to inspire and support. I began to mature and understand my foibles a bit better. I’ll never be perfect like a well-baked pie, but I also can’t live like a dirty critter. Life is not meant to be colourful, but it’s also not meant to be black and white.

I only have a couple of months left of my post-secondary career, so I want to continue working as hard as I always do to graduate. I’ve gotten a couple of President’s Honours Awards during my college career and my goal is to finish my diploma with one. I think I’ll be able to achieve it because I’m only taking 3 courses. There will be days where I won’t want to go to class or do my work, but I’ll do my best to push myself, because it will benefit me at the end. I can’t let my mental health issues meddle with my academic achievement. It will be a month after my birthday when I finally graduate. I’m having some mixed emotions, but I also have faith in myself.

I've also had the chance to reflect on who I am as a person. Besides being goal-oriented and dedicated to both my education and career, I'm also a beautiful, intelligent, creative, caring and kind person who values the importance and beauty of life. I'm always there for the people I truly love and care about, and that will never change. I love keeping myself occupied with meaningful pastimes like painting, reading, creating music and writing which will stay with me until I leave this planet. I sometimes feel depressed, angry and frustrated and it can get the best of me from time to time. That being said, I know who I truly am and I know that I'm not a diabolical or worthless person just because I've done and said things that people didn't agree with or just because I've had some rough patches. Everyone makes mistakes and does things people aren't a fond of, so I shouldn't be any different from anyone else.

I want to finish 2021 by not just successfully finishing my college diploma program, but also by writing lots of poems, listening to and creating more music, learning and mastering some B-A-G recorder songs, doing more abstract drawings, complete a few more abstact paintings to display in my apartment, improving my Hebrew language skills and continuing to stay fit. I don't want to throw my weight loss down the drain, after working so hard at losing and maintaining a healthy weight.

Furthermore, I wish to begin 2022 by entering the workforce after being out of the workforce for 2 years due to COVID-19. I want to continue my career in the recreation field as a program instructor, as well as a Vocal health/leisure/tourism/wellness writer and poet, before reopening my home-based bakery in June 2022. After reflecting on my challenges and long-term life goals for the last two years, I also want to appreciate the little things that life has to give me. Yes, I'll always love exploring my community and going out and about however, I also wish to appreciate the things that I have in my home to give me a feeling of satisfaction. There will be days where I can't travel or go out and about to make myself happy and kill boredom, so I want to think of being home as a "chance to take space and appreciate the small things" instead of thinking of being home as a "form of imprisonment" and a "way of feeling depressed and alienated". I also look forward to visiting my brother in Israel and taking a trip to Russia with my brother. We still have to confirm the travel plans, but it's on my list of things to do and enjoy in 2022. I want to be by myself, but I also want to be open to being around people more, because I realized how much I missed some of my loved ones during COVID. I don't want to take anyone or anything for granted after what COVID has taught me. I hope to remember these lessons I've learned and apply them into my daily practices for the rest of 2021 and the year of 2022.

I'm grateful to be on this earth and I'm happy with whatever life will provide for me. I'll live everyday magically, beautifully, healthily, meaningfully, joyfully and successfully. If it wasn't for my teachers, therapist, family, friends, all the inspirational people I've discovered and met and my hobbies that keep me sane, I don't know how I would survive. My life would be as boring as a desolate forest and I wouldn't have anything awesome to give or receive. I'm glad that's not even the case.

Every day can only be better, not perfect. Just remember that I can do anything I wish to accomplish and do each day. My disability doesn't define me. I won't take my mind seriously, because it can play games with me. I won't let anyone tell me who I am. I'll do whatever is possible to fight for my happiness and health.

I love myself and will always love myself.

Sincerely,

23-Year-Old Talia

Thank you for taking the time to read my first letter to myself. I never got the chance to do this, until I saw quite a few self-letters people wrote on Vocal. I'm so glad I got myself to write this letter before my birthday. I hope you enjoyed reading this letter I wrote, just as much as I enjoyed writing it. If you found this letter inspirational and fulfilling, please give it a ❤️, share it with others and don't hesitate to send me a tip to show your appreciation, love and support. To find and read more of my Vocal works, subscribe to me and visit my public profile at any time. Feel free to follow and connect with me on Instagram.

Remember, you are enough. Do what you can while you're on this earth. Be strong and stay sane!

IG Account: @naturalbibliophile22

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