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Days Gone By

Finding yourself midway

By RexPublished 4 years ago 3 min read
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Life gets so familiar, so predictable, so… boring.

You wake up in the same bed with the same person next to you that you made love to in the same position. You eat the same meals on the same days of the week. You hear about the ramblings between your children on the same old disputes days on end. Your partner whine about the same inconveniences about their petty job and shitty attitudes of their irritable boss. Everything just started to jumble up into a blur. You become spiritually catatonic. Everywhere you turn, standing on your lawn looking around, there are the same neighbours with the same nosy stare looking out of their windows. You go down the same grocery store greeted by the same dispassionate shopkeeper with the same obnoxious hairdo. Every day, you wake up, you repeat what has been done yesterday like glitches in the Matrix.

You wondered what it would be like if things happened differently, now you could be with a different partner, different children, house, income, career. You wonder just how much the unfulfilled potential there is that has been neglected during the years of merely busy making a living just to put food on the table and pay the damn bills. Sometimes you wondered about going somewhere new, doing anything, anything at all to break the cycle, get out of this rut. And yet, you don’t know what to do.

No, that was a lie. You do know what to do but you just couldn’t. You get used to the convenience of routine, familiarity, safety. Besides, you are too old and it’s too late. It’d be inconceivable even just to think about the consequences, what would your family, friends, colleagues, everyone that knows you and knows you not but will surely be hearing about you as a gossip pastime. Fear, fear of judgement along is enough to stop you right in your track, not to mention other challenges. It’s just too much, too much hassle in the reality to tackle for your lofty dream.

You wish that you were able to turn back the clock but knowing what is done can not be undone makes any regret futile practice. On top of that, aside from other morally righteous preachers trying to mould your thoughts, you guilt trip yourself every day, telling yourself that what you’ve got is not bad and although it’s not perfect, what is, right? You should get used to it, be a responsible mature adult and be happy. Get numb, if it bothers you. Because, that’s would be the right thing to do, and you are all about doing the right things, right? Right? You try to regulate your thoughts and feelings, block out the flights of fancy, whatever happens in the mind, stays in the mind.

And yet, sooner or later, the discontent of the heart bubbles up to the surface into a myriad of random symptoms that you have no clue where they all came from all of a sudden. You decided to make a move, nothing too drastic, something subtle and won’t be harshly judged upon by others as being irresponsible. Perhaps learning a new skill, developing a new hobby of some sort, doing volunteer work or making a new friend.

But irreversibly, you diverted your energy into this new purpose, soon, your new endeavour has blossomed into a relentless quest of setting personal best records one after another, upscale your hobby into an extravaganza that eating your savings away worse than a gold digger, playing the online games with cyber friends 24/7 with dirty dishes in the sink, developing your meatspace friendship so far as turning into a bromance. In any sense, you are living in denial. However much you still think you are operating within the parameters of moral acceptance, you know there’s no turning back, your heart has departed. The mere thought of going back to the routine before is enough to cause discomfort and anxiety.

And after all that wild circus, you tire yourself out and return to default. You call your little whirlwind mid-life crisis. But what is mid-life crisis phenomena? Many say it’s not even real. Which left you to ponder, if it isn’t real, then what exactly is it? So, what is it?

But you don’t know. And that’s okay. In fact, as terrifying and confusing as it sounds, it is nevertheless exciting, full of possibilities and potentials. For those who say they know or have what they want are already dead.

humanity
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About the Creator

Rex

Everybody knows Rex!

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