Compliment Like a Gentleman

But in vain, because both men and women love to receive well-deserved praise. Even if they pretend they don’t like it. Therefore, away from prejudices and fears, we learn to say compliments correctly, because “a kind word is also pleasant for a cat.”

Of course, “you look great” is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word compliment. But not all compliments are about appearance, there are others. For example, you can praise a person’s personality: highlight a character trait, deed, achievement, hobby. “You play an interesting sport” or “your joke yesterday hit the office on the spot” and even “I sincerely admire the fact that you are working as a volunteer.” You can praise almost anything that you think is worthy of a compliment.

What not to do:

Do not turn a compliment into an occasion to discuss your loved one. For example, “You did a great job at the conference: you were confident and didn’t even look at the text. I would never have been able to do that, I would immediately begin to stumble. It is better to say only the first sentence and do not transfer the conversation to yourself, in the hope that the person will crumble in reciprocal praises.

Do not invest hidden meanings and hints in a compliment, especially if you make it to a stranger or colleague.

Don’t generalize. Come up with a compliment similar to “you look good for …” — keep it to yourself and do not say it out loud. Otherwise, it will turn out: “you are very well-read for a taxi driver” or “you dress stylishly for a girl from Orenburg” — they seem to have been praised, but also insulted at the same time.

Don’t “blubber out”. And easier — make no mistake with the moment for a compliment. For example, you appreciated the appearance of a colleague after she gave a presentation. And this belittled the value of everything that she had just done: they noticed not the report that was being prepared for a week, but the dress.

Faces of colleagues after you praised the blouse of the commercial director from the client at the meeting.

Don’t flatter. Some people think that flattery and compliments are the same things, but they are not. Flattery is an obsequious, often not entirely truthful, praise of a person in order to gain his favor. The compliment must be sincere: you just honestly emphasize the dignity of a person.

How to do it:

• Personalize the compliment. Don’t say general phrases like “this sweater suits you”, rather “this sweater perfectly emphasizes the color of your eyes”.
• Praise the person, not the inanimate object. For example, “You made a good presentation” is better than the impersonal “That’s a good presentation.”
• Give compliments, don’t plan them. If you think that a colleague has ideally conducted negotiations, tell him so without delay.
• If you want to praise someone, try to understand what is important to him. For example, your girlfriend looks sadly at a friend and says that she cannot dress so stylishly. Say you like the way your girlfriend looks and you didn’t even notice the other one.
• Praise for the effort. If a colleague spent a lot of effort on a report, note the good quality of his work. A friend is trying to lose a couple of kilograms — praise her for her determination and hard work on herself.

Give natural and non-awkward compliments.

Smile. Do not violate personal space if you compliment a colleague, stranger, or unfamiliar person. Try to look into the eyes of the interlocutor — this will show that you are saying what you think, and not flattering, lowering your eyes to the floor. Speak briefly, without florid distractions and lyrical digressions.

They smiled, said a sincere compliment, looked into their eyes, and wait for an answer — everything is simple. If you are shy and in doubt, practice with friends.

Compliments at work:

An awkward compliment to a colleague can cause misunderstanding, disapproval, or even create problems at work. Therefore, watch out for the frankness of your passages, which should not turn into flirting. To see if a compliment is appropriate, use the Granny Test: if you can’t say it to your grandmother, then don’t tell your colleague either. For example, instead of the vulgar “chic neckline, I can’t even concentrate on work,” it’s better to say the banal “you look great in this dress.”

In order not to be afraid to go too far, make compliments related to work achievements — it is always a win-win option. If possible, praise the person in front of your boss: this way you will show that your colleague deserves even more praise.

You can praise higher-ranking employees, but do it in moderation and without flattery. Do not say “your comments on the report helped achieve the desired result” if you think that the boss intervened in vain and only ruined everything. It is better to praise when he really deserves it.