Cheers & Farewell to: OMG I'm Not Young Anymore, My Life Is Over!

I usually tend to write about subjects I read about, while doing my daily routine but funnily enough, this particular one showed up during meditation. Maybe somebody out there is in need of these words right now.. who knows.

I am smiling as I write because, I have always been a "LATE BLOOMER"—yes, the capitals are there on purpose—I still remember how clear and defined the set up of my goals was: the inner-chat would basically goes like this: I am now on a phase in my life where I have to get X, so if I don't achieve it by X years old, I will do this or that instead, or I will use plan B, etc. And funnily enough, I never seemed to achieve things within the deadline, but years later.

So as an example, my twenties consisted in running up and down between exciting jobs, boyfriends and countries while in the other hand, my thirties brought me the most exciting and incredible opportunities. Opportunities that I never seemed to benefit fully from, due to an old set of self-sabotaging behaviours of mine, caused by unresolved past issues. Now I am glad that I did not make it back then, only because I am 100% sure that I would have ended up badly crushed.

The truth is I was not ready. For starters, I had spent my entire youth not only being completely oblivious and disconnected from myself, but driven by external standards and goals, while never paying attention to the person within. I was basically a stranger to myself, my self-esteem was completely inexistent and on top of that, I was also carrying a gigantic bag of issues.

Should I had made it big within the music industry—I was a singer and songwriter at the time—it is likely that I would have ended up being abused, manipulated by the industry sharks, maybe depressed or even worse. And all due to my addiction to getting external approval and validation at all costs—oh, that reminds me: parents if your kids are creative talents, make sure they leave the house with a healthy amount of self-esteem, knowing who they are and how to assert themselves too.

I guess you now understand why I think, that putting pressure on yourself for not being labeled as young anymore, is utter nonsense. Obviously I am only talking based on personal experience, the same one that led me to realise how each of us has a unique life purpose; I really like Dr. Wayne Dyers's concept of each person having their own music playing inside, if you will. Every single one of those melodies are different from each other, therefore, it seems pointless to try to impose deadlines or compare one to another.

It may be tempting while you are having a rough time, to be dazzled by a 27 year old self-made millionaire, or a 22 year old music star that "seem" to have everything you want at that moment. However, let us not forget that like you, these individuals are going through a learning phase in their lives, and we don't know what they have been or they are going through, and especially, how this phase will develop for them—if they are balanced and grounded it might go well, but if they are like my younger self, well.. Just remember that when you are famous, there is nowhere to hide your life lessons aka f.. ups, excuse my French.

What I am trying to say is that, all situations are temporary, and as long as you keep working on yourself, and keep listening to your heart's guidance, you will get there at the right time, and at last everything will make sense.

In this case, my life purpose required way more time than other people's, since there had to be a serious amount of previous spiritual cleansing, self-healing and self-reflection. I had to become a clear channel, so I could pass inspiration and assistance to others, as well as producing healing art, all in co-creation with Source. Most importantly, doing it without the interference of fear, unhealed past scars or wounded-child patterns.

My heart and intuition rule these days and I feel successful when I accept divine guidance, and take guided action, as opposed to repeating my old pattern of having an idea and try to make it work through all means possible, and eventually ending up feeling exhausted and defeated by the great effort, but lack of result.

That said, there are other aspects of this subject worth mentioning that really terrify people. For example, dreading not being young because you are scared of not looking young. I think that there might be two underlying reasons generating this fear:

1—Maybe you think that men only desire youth and innocence. This can not be more further from the truth, and so I wonder if it could be possible, that the main reason why you want to be young/beautiful, might be because what you really are after is nothing else but to feel loved and accepted—flaws and all. If that is the case, the next time you are rejected by a man of your age for that reason, let it go straight away, because it is a good thing and I tell you why.

That rejection, might be a sign about his inability to handle an equal partner for example; It is possible that if he does not feel good enough, he might need somebody way younger to impress, that in his mind, would represent less work, less demands, less comparisons, less pressure, etc. It can also be a case of wounded-child issues or maybe he simply has a fixation with a specific type, because this is what in his opinion, will make him feel a certain way.

There are also men who think like that because, their lives are ruled by a belief system, where the concept of mature women equals bitterness. These generalisations and misogynistic lines of thought, are remaining of an old era where unfortunately, a woman's value was solely focused on her external appearance, and how docile she conducted herself in public. They basically tried for women to fit into good girl/doll stereotypes, when in reality, a woman is designed to be a "spiritual badass."

One just have to pay attention to the resilience when it comes to face the excruciating pain from periods and childbirth; the capacity of suffering the most horrendous situations and abuse in absolute silence while still functioning, and taking care of everybody, the natural kindness and courage to nurture and protect others, and the sharp perception and sensitivity to see what is beyond the obvious. Those are just some gifts and tendencies that women naturally have, and we all know it. It is just a matter of stopping to overlook who we are, and give ourselves the credit we deserve.

See, men have been experts from the beginning about this subject, since they have always been outspoken about their inner-strengths, as well as the type of value they feel they bring into society. So now that we have finally woke up to the realisation that women matter too, I think it is due for us to let go of the "silent sufferer" type of role, and start following their lead in that regard.

Anyways as I was saying, there are plenty of reasons why a man might reject you because of your age, and none of them are anything to do with you, your type of beauty or your value as a woman/human being.

2—You might be scared of not looking young "because everybody knows, that only young people are beautiful," or so they say. Perhaps this idea might be the result of you judging yourself as an old, non beautiful woman; and all without even having taken the time to get to know who you truly are.

You are judging your persona as if only the external layer was important, but have you ever tried to reach deeper and discover how wonderful you really are? Nah, I am definitely not saying this as a cliche, since I had to do the work myself—how wise, courageous, kind, strong your spirit is? And how many other wonderful qualities you have, all waiting to be discovered and acknowledged by you?

In case you did not know, you are a walking miracle! and if you had only taken the time to get to know yourself instead of believing the labels placed on you by perhaps, close people who might love you, but are completely clueless about who you really are, and most likely, tend to judge others based on their own limitations—you would have understood how unique your beauty is by now. Only through self-awareness and self-acceptance, we will be able to feel worthy of respect, eventually, finding the partner we truly deserve. Somebody that will acknowledge and honour their worth, as well as they honour ours.

We need to realise that it is insane to think that only one beauty/age standard should fit all, because diversity is directly linked to us all, and thanks God for that. Could you imagine if Fashion Designers suddenly started to follow the beauty/age standards from China or Korea for example? Then the rest of us women around the globe, would probably end up very discouraged Umm.. now that I think about it, their current beauty standards are sometimes as shocking if not more.

We can not deny that external appearance is perfect to grab instant attention, however, your emotional and spiritual traits are the ones that will keep that attention focused on you, and the main reason that will make a person stay. Lastly, let us not forget that a genuine, beautiful and kind soul, is going to shine from the inside out regardless, otherwise just think about stunning, ageless goddesses such as a mature Audrey Hepburn, Kris Carr, Portia de Rossi, Danielle Laporte, J.K Rowling and many, many others.

Beauty is a matter of perception and unfortunately, the one that rules nowadays seems to have been created, by the few wealthy/influential individuals of past times, whose inner-wisdom was obviously clouded by fearful judgement. Basically, we have been manipulated by the perception and the agenda of a few.

This situation has lasted way too long, and unfortunately it has also brought vast consequences. Among them are the perpetuation of shame and mental health issues for both, men and women; the aggravation of gender inequality; the objectification, negation and isolation of women in general; the panic leading young girls to believe, that they have to be enemies due to the fierce competition. And although there are many more examples, the one that saddens me the most is the one where women feel they are not worthy and so they keep themselves small, imprisoned by their own insecurities.

It has gone so out of control, that it is the norm nowadays seeing generations of young girls and women, literally hating themselves when they are in front of a mirror!

So how do we change this cultural beauty stereotype? by changing ourselves first. I have learned, that nobody is going to validate your worth and accept you until you do, therefore, our homework now is learning to know, to love and to cherish ourselves, and help the other women in our life to do the same thing. Let us accept even our ugliest scars.. they are nothing else but a testimony of strength and resilience. They represent something beautiful, and we should wear them proud.

Only when you learn to accept and to love all of your flaws, you will be able to accept other people's. There are many benefits to doing this inner-work for example, it will lead you to a new state of mind, removing your fear while strengthening your perception instead of your judgement, eventually increasing empathy. So you naturally feel like empowering, instead of competing against others. Plus you will also likely experience big improvements within friendships, family, romantic relationships and work among other things.

If that was not enough, past people-pleasing tendencies will get replaced by absolute fearlessness, when it comes to stop any type of abuse towards yourself or others. This is especially important if you are working within a hostile environment, or an industry where you are constantly judged and put down by your appearance, as it will help you be assertive, stand up for yourself and say NO.

And since this is a culture based on demand, the more people that know their worth and fearlessly say no, the more people in power that will have to start re-thinking, about how they treat those individuals working under them (Fashion, Politics, Army, Sports, Agriculture, Music, etc, this can be applied to any industry).

That is only one of the steps to start a new culture. A culture that inspires us not only to empower each other, but to take the time to embrace diversity, while appreciating the real beauty within each person, so we can finally leave fearful mental rigidity, based on appearance and gender roles in the past... right where they belong!