Can You Be Happy In Isolation?

After almost two years of social distancing and pandemic paranoia, how are you feeling? Are you struggling to be happy? Are you overwhelmed by the pressure, the loss, the chaos, the uncertainty, and the division of people over what would have seemed ridiculous just a couple of years ago?

I know that most people are burned out. They’ve reached a breaking point. They’ve lost touch with feelings of joy, happiness, and being connected. They are confused by mixed messages found everywhere. We’re far enough into this pandemic to know that the virus is real, but is it a conspiracy? Many are losing hope with each new variant that arises.

I’ve had more than my share of ups and downs. I’ve even struggled with depression. I’ve also discovered that in the midst of depression, I can still find happiness without having to seek professional help.

It’s kind of funny, prior to the pandemic people would ask me about vacations or ‘taking a break’. I haven’t needed or wanted a destination vacation in years! I’d tell them that I would be in my glory if I could just stay home!

I was always so busy having to run my granddaughter back and forth to school, running to town for groceries, or to do Farmer’s Markets, running for appointments and parties and other social or business engagements! All I really wanted to do is STAY home!

The pandemic has given me an opportunity to do exactly what I’ve longed to do for over a decade! My granddaughter was quite miffed yesterday. She wakes up every morning and asks me if we are going anywhere. She actually gets out far more than I do these days and had just returned from spending two nights with our respite worker the day before. She can’t wrap her head around the idea that I have no desire whatsoever to be anywhere except right where I am.

I think that most people have lost touch with how to be satisfied and find contentment in the life they are living. Upon reflection, I find it interesting that even when I was wrapped in a blanket of depression, I wasn’t discontent with my life in general.

I was grieving after the death of my brother and I was saddened when reality about certain relationships came to light. It wasn’t even the loss of my brother that I was grieving, I hadn’t spoken to him since 2007, so it wasn’t like I had lost my best friend or anything.

The thing that was dragging me into the depths of darkness was that the people that should have been there for me, weren’t. They still asked for me to shoulder their problems, but seldom did anyone ask if I was okay or if I needed anything.

I have spent the entirety of my life as the fixer, the shoulder to cry on, the go-to person, no matter what you may need. I have invested more time and energy into making sure other people were okay than I have in looking after myself. I suddenly realized that when the cards were on the table, most of those people that I had worried over didn’t give two shits about me.

That’s okay though. As a matter of fact, it’s even somewhat freeing. I don’t have to keep making space for those succubi anymore. I can focus all of that time and energy on myself and those that hold me as near and dear as I hold them.

So, now for the big question, can YOU be happy in isolation?

I’m going to share some of the things I have learned about happiness, not just through the pandemic, but through almost half a century of being thrown life’s garbage.

Happiness is a choice. It coexists with the entire spectrum of other emotions. We can be happy AND sad/mad/scared, or whatever, at the same time. We choose which emotion we will focus on at any given moment. I’m not saying that you will be 100% happy with everything ALL of the time, BUT you will always have some grain of happiness within you. You may just need to dig really deep to find some days, but it’s there.

Denying yourself the permission to experience all of the other emotions, you will only block the flow of happiness into your life. We cannot stifle negative emotions when things aren’t going well. All things in the Universe require balance and we must accept the good and the bad. It can take a lot of work to get yourself to the point that you can allow those negative emotions to just flow. Allow them to wash over you, ugly cry if you have to. Just don’t allow yourself to ever lose hope. There can and will always be better days ahead. Just as surely as those negatives are washing through you, the positive will also flow… as long as you don’t block it.

You will never find true happiness by looking outside of yourself. It isn’t found in money, the approval of others, or any of the multitude of things that people chase in their quests for fulfillment. True happiness starts within. It doesn’t need external forces to exist nor to be discovered. You just need to teach yourself to quiet all of the external noise and turn inward. Envision yourself inside of a bubble, where you are completely untouched by the external forces that are threatening to suffocate. Breathe deeply in the peace, calm, and quiet. Then allow yourself to feel the warmth coursing through you and around you. Know that there is nothing that can steal that warmth, peace, and love, unless you allow it space inside your bubble.

You are allowed to love yourself enough to set boundaries and priorities that will allow your inner happiness to blossom and grow. Find the things that bring you joy, that are within your reach. You may have to start with small steps. As long as you make sure that you are taking time every day in your quest for happiness, it will happen, and it will grow! Before you know it, it will no longer be confined by your protective bubble. The warmth will eventually seep into your surroundings and your loved ones.

The best thing that you can do for yourself, your loved ones, your community, and the world is to make self-love a priority. It is the key to true happiness.

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This piece was originally published under my real name which I use on Medium.