Can Confidence Be Learnt In A Simple Process?

Yes, confidence can be learned but it is not an external process that one follows. It is basically a process of internal, emotional exploration to first identify the root cause of why you lack confidence, then slowly working on each aspect to build that confidence gradually. But it doesn’t happen overnight, and it won’t get any better if you live in denial about the reason, or refuse to address certain issues. Honesty with yourself is the very first step, but the whole process of confidence building starts from this simple one:

• ALWAYS BE YOURSELF, and be proud of it!

A lack of confidence stems primarily from the following:

• A lack of self acceptance; feeling bad about how you look, or specific body parts.
• A desire for approval from anyone you might be trying to please or impress. Problems come when that approval isn't given and then you're likely to feel worse, and less worthy.
• The need to copy others, or to let them guide your life so that you become caricatures of other people, instead of being proud of yourself as a unique original.
• Having little self-belief, you would be driven by fear instead of positivity; feeling inadequate for what you have to do, and belittling your own efforts.

These show that the essence of self-confidence is SELF-LOVE, SELF-BELIEF and and reaching out to others POSITIVELY. It isn’t self-centredness. It is both appreciation of the unique beings we are, and the value of others. Acknowledging that fact means we can begin to build personal confidence in the following 5 simple, but important, ways:

1. Face Your Fears. Make a list of the major problems in your life right now, then list ways to improve or change them. Start from simple to hard options that you can do at this moment, not tomorrow. Things are never really as bad as you think they are. Chances are that not all of your problems can be dealt with easily or quickly because they might involve others. But unless you change, no one else will, so it is still your responsibility to confront or address your problems. There will be some areas where you can take immediate action. Start with those, because resolving the smaller irritations will give you the satisfaction, the reinforcement and the courage to move on to the bigger ones.

2. Self Encouragement: Talking to others and yourself, particularly as you look in the mirror every day, is one of the most effective ways of boosting your confidence, especially to avoid negativity around you. Substituting anxiety with something positive like: ‘I am a very talented person, I just need the courage to show it!’ (said with the biggest smile of appreciation, too!). It might sound very strange the first morning you try it. But you’d be surprised how it really affirms self-love and sets you up for the day to beat the brickbats and negativity you will definitely get from elsewhere, including those from your loved ones. If you don’t appreciate yourself fully, how can you expect others to do it? They cannot value what you reject.

3. Aim for Excellence, not Perfection, in whatever you do: Another approach is that when you catch yourself expecting perfection, remind yourself that it is infinitely more rewarding to do something well than to do it perfectly because, in that way, you can always improve on it another time. This allows you to accept yourself as you are, in that moment of time, while constantly striving to improve your skills and fulfil your potential. Above all, reward and praise yourself when you have done well. If no one ever does that, including yourself, you will not feel valued. When we are obsessed with perfection we live constantly in the future of nothingness and wishes, while ignoring the substance and joy of the present. Hence we are likely to feel inadequate.

4. Live in the Present. There is nothing happening back there. That door is firmly closed now because the past with all our ancestors, what might have happened to us, or the things we used to worry about, exist only inside our heads. Nowhere else. There is no harm in remembering fond memories which make you feel good, but ditch the nasty ones. Past activities are already history and we can’t change history. We can only appreciate it, reminisce on it, assess it, analyse it or celebrate it. We have to accept it and look to the future, especially if we value our lives. Welcome change, make it work for you even if, initially, you can’t see its value. The change is going to happen with or without you.

5. Loosen Up. If you have ever had a near death experience, you will immediately appreciate the value of this statement. Once our lives are in grave danger, everything else pales into insignificance. Suddenly, things that used to matter become trivial as our priorities change. Don’t take life or yourself too seriously. Let your hair down and enjoy yourself sometimes. Don’t look like a failure by being morose and gloomy. There is always someone worse off than you are. Above all, people dislike those who have no humour, and those who are constantly negative as though they are the only ones with problems. That attitude achieves nothing and keeps you feeling low. In fact, if you want to scatter a crowd fast, just call in some miserable people!

You only have to think of someone you know who is disabled, very ill, deprived or even dead, and that should put your own life in perspective; to show you how fortunate you are. Problems make you stronger if you strive to overcome them. That is the whole point of your resolve being tested by your circumstances. In fact, to overcome hurdles and survive in a more resilient, knowledgeable state is the essence of life. Try these simple tips today and notice the change after a short while!

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