Big D*!k Energy

Urban Dictionary defines Big Dick Energy as “confidence without cockiness. It is never misplaced, and it cannot be simulated. It is the sexual equivalent of writing a check for $10k, knowing you got it in the bank account.” It was something I had always wanted; the power and confidence that comes from within. For years, I had been imitating what I thought qualified you as a person with Big Dick Energy. I had been pretending to be things that I wasn’t. It wasn’t until I stopped all that bullshit that my sister (who incidentally has the biggest dick energy of all) blessed me with the crown of Big Dick Energy. The best compliment I have ever received.

I had stopped trying to be the person with the wildest party stories, the person with the most ambitious career aspirations, or the person with an overly adventurous life. In fact, I stopped trying to be ‘the person’ altogether, and focused on something much more terrifying altogether—being myself. And I mean really being myself, bad bits and all. Not putting on a front for someone else, but leaving it up to someone else as to whether they would accept me for who I am: confident and funny, but also insecure and self-critical. Proudly, confidently, and unwaveringly being yourself. Notice that I didn’t say ‘unapologetically’. Everyone has parts of their personality that will upset or offend others, us humans are all different after all, and it is knowing what aspects of our personality may be confronting for others, and knowing when to apologise for them that is the real trick. For example, I often cancel plans last minute due to my anxiety. I know this, I know that it can piss people off, so I know that I must apologise for it—but still, it is me.

It took a lot of practice, but the more I am myself, the more I feel this internal energy store growing. It is so much more rewarding to be appreciated as the person you are instead of the person you are trying to be. The feeling is so different. Gone are those two-minute smiles, and that fleeting fuzzy feeling in my stomach, that is replaced by this bank of positivity inside, which swells and flows around me. That’s what it is, Big Dick Energy, it is this great power inside of you that travels with you and sustains you through the good and bad in life. It never runs out because it comes from yourself, being truly yourself, and not from others.

So, do yourself a favour today: be yourself. Do that tomorrow as well, then the next day too. It takes a lot of courage, but it will become easier with time, and oh dayum does it feel good.