Be the You, You Want

We all have those moments where we feel like our lives' are off-course. We all have moments of social anxiety and feeling defeated. Sometimes these feelings come and go. Other times, they stick around; like pesky little flies buzzing around our thoughts; making it difficult for us to go to social gatherings (or even the grocery store), cause us to feel sluggish and fatigued, and keep us in an overall cloud of disappointment and 'funk'.

Sometimes, these feelings become so well known to us that we don't even realize that we're doing it. It becomes a part of our subconscious psyche. It's always there, telling us that 'we can't go to the reunion at Jim's because we might have a meltdown' or 'we shouldn't go to the grocery store right now because it's busy. We should wait until it calms down a little bit. You don't like people anyways'.

In truth, you may have been a people person before. But, you've become so used to living like this, that you just can't seem to get out of it's grip. It's a vicious cycle. I would know. I lived this way for all of my childhood and most of my early 20's.

After months of research, introspection, trial-and-error, and perseverance, I have stripped away the flourishes and 'fancy-talk' from previous articles and compiled the useful information in this article.

Here's how to become the you that you have always dreamed of.

Step 1: Introspection, Self-Realization, and Leg Work

When I made the final decision that I didn't want to live like this anymore, I decided to do some research on changing the way you live your life. After reading a few of the articles, my mind was swimming. Some of them were really poorly written. Other ones had too much technical jargon to the point where I couldn't understand what they were saying. The few that I found that had any bit of helpful information didn't contain much. Some of the techniques were too specific to the individual person. I almost gave up.

But then, I started to do some serious self-reflection. I started thinking, "What can I do to change my life?" "What can I do to stop feeling like this?" "What am I doing that is contributing to my problem?" After a few days of self-reflection (and serious note-taking), I thought I had figured out some fundamental things about life in general.

1. Life is pliable.
2. Life is only pliable when you want it to be, and work for it to be.
3. Fear and the past is not an excuse for your life. Tomorrow is always a new day.
4. The way you live your life doesn't just affect you. It affects everyone who is close to you and cares about you. And, if it isn't fixed for a long time, it causes you to inadvertently become an asshole. Blunt. But, true.

This exercise is focused on really thinking about who you are, and how others perceive you. Do people avoid you on the street, or feel that you're friendly enough to approach? Do you feel more confident or judged when you leave your house? Does your attitude say, "I know that my life seems tumultuous right now, but I'm straightening things out and working to make it better." or "My life's a wreck and I don't have time for you people." Pay attention to your body language and other's attitudes towards you.

Making this a part of your life on a regular basis will continually help you with making decisions and changes to live a better, healthier, and happier life.

So, now that we know these things, how do we fix it?

Step 2: Refine Your Self-Actualization

What is self-actualization? Self-actualization is the realization of your potential. For some people, it's a constant process. For others, it becomes stagnant from lack-of-use. This means that the person stops refining their ideals of who they want to be. This can happen for one of two reasons:

1. They have been successful in whatever endeavors and are truly content with their lives.
2. They have 'accepted' that the way that they are living now is the way that they will be living five years from now, whether they are happy or not. Therefore, they do nothing to change it.

This, however, is completely untrue. This normally happens because they have been 'stuck-in-a-rut' for so long that they no longer see the end of the tunnel. If you want your life to change, this needs to be your first realization. Furthermore, you have to be able to forgive yourself for being in this situation.

I don't mean forgive yourself like you did something wrong. But, with this realization comes the dual realization that you have pushed people away, missed out on good times, and lost your inner child. This is not an easy realization. You must be able to move on from the realization that you have been living like this for so long, and forgive yourself for letting it get so out of hand.

After you've forgiven yourself, you can start to actually refine your self-actualization. Think about all the things that you love doing. All of the things that make you truly happy. Who do you want to be perceived as, by yourself as well as others? really think about the type of person that you want to be.

Be warned that this may take some time after living day-to-day for so long.

If you're having trouble finding things that make you happy, try shaking things up. Do some experiments with things that you think you might enjoy. Be as creative as you want! Try and find at least five things that make you feel fuzzy inside, because they will eventually be narrowed down.

After you've done this, you're ready for Step 3.

Step 3:

After you have found some things that make you happy, incorporate them in your everyday routine. For example, let's say you decided that yoga, polercise, going for a walk to the coffee shop and browsing Facebook for an hour while you sip your coffee, and eating more fruits and vegetables worked for you. These things increase your overall mood and make you feel good and more confident.

One thing is apparent for these four things; they all incorporate some form of physical exercise and are health based in general. Bare with me if physical exercise isn't your forte, this was just an easy example. Now that you've found the commonality between them, you can deduce that physical exercise makes you feel just a little bit better.

Try making a schedule that incorporates physical activity at least twice a day for a week and see how much better you feel. After you've done this, you can experiment with some other aspects of your life that you want to change!

Step 4:

After step three, you should have successfully created an everyday routine for yourself (that you can follow). It may seem like you're done with the life changes now, right? Wrong! Changing your life is an ever-changing, on-going process.

Having a healthy foundation to build off of is essential to successfully changing your mindset. This foundation will be there to constantly remind you of the progress that you've made and the hard work that you've put in thus far. It should also help you to feel much more confident in your ability to take control of your own life and it's outcomes. If it hasn't, go back through the steps and find a foundation that makes you feel this way.

Once that foundation is solidly in place, you will start finding other things in your life that you want to change. Maybe you are looking for a career change from your mundane, 9-5 job. Maybe you want to find a way to spend more time with your family. Maybe you want to be more spontaneous.

Whatever the case, these little things should be much easier to identify now that you have included self-introspection and actualization in your life on a regular basis.

As you find these things, you will start feeling more and more motivation to do something about it, instead of accepting it. You will also be, subconsciously, reestablishing your personal morals and values, which dissipate after living in a 'I-don't-give-a-fuck' mindset for so long.

The Conclusion

With this recyclable, efficient process, you will be jumpstarting your way to living a much happier life. Though these steps are only the foundation to building a happier life, they are still core fundamentals to the process. And this is exactly what most other articles on this same topic are. They give you the future tools you'd need without the actual building blocks of the entire process.

If you use this process to change your mindset, I can guarantee that you will see results. Because, unlike those other articles, this is generalized to everyone instead of a specific group of people who live a specific way. Anyone can do this.

Not saying it isn't hard; because it is. But, if you are fed-up and sick and tired of living the same everyday and not being 100% happy, I strongly recommend practicing this.

If you want more...

If you want more information on this topic; or another topic involving self-improvement and awareness; or are looking for some motivation assistance, I am always open to reviews and requests from any and all readers. To request or critique an article, please email: [email protected]. I guarantee and answer time of 48 hours.

Thanks!