Are You Shy or Introverted?

Shy and introverted; two words that are often used interchangeably, in fact, they are regularly considered to have identical meanings. In reality, they are quite different. While one stems from a lack of confidence in oneself, the other stems from a preference for a quiet environment. One is something that can be improved through self-reflection and personal growth, the other a way of being and operating in the world.

In truth, these terms often get thrown around together because the behaviour they describe can appear quite similar. Someone who is quiet, who may not speak up in groups, who appears more reserved; these can be either shyness, introversion, or both.

Of course, shy introverts exist, just as shy extroverts exist, but one doesn’t always mean the other. So, what’s the difference between being shy or being introverted?

What is Shyness?

Wikipedia describes shyness as a feeling of apprehension, lack of comfort or awkwardness especially when a person is around other people. Shyness stems from a feeling of insecurity, a lack of self-confidence or even self-knowledge. It can cause a person to become quiet and withdrawn. Unwilling to speak up for fear of saying something wrong, being judged, or ridiculed.

At its worst, shyness can become social anxiety. Social anxiety is exactly as the words suggest, feeling anxious in social situations. Whether this is with new and unfamiliar people or not, it can be debilitating. Someone who often experiences social anxiety may decide to remove themselves from social situations altogether, leaving them feeling isolated and lonely.

Usually, shy people want to be around others, they want to involve themselves in group activities, make lots of friends and contribute their thoughts and opinions. But a feeling of fear, nervousness or anxiety stops them.

Those that experience shyness may often compare themselves to others in their lives, believing that others are always right, eloquent or quick-witted. Leaving them to feel that they always get things wrong, stumble over their words or blank on what to say entirely. If something like this does actually happen, shyness can become deeper and more limiting.

Shyness is a quality that can be improved, even overcome. Through deepening the knowledge of self, through reflection, growth, and practice, shyness can be turned into confidence.

Exploring Introversion

Introversion is often mistaken for shyness but is actually a way of being, a preference rather than a feeling of distress or fear. Introverts will often come across in a similarly quiet manner, but the behind the scenes is quite different. They spend more time listening rather than speaking. Internalizing what’s going on around them, observing, and mentally processing. This sometimes leaves them a little behind the conversation, which adds to their quiet nature, though doesn’t usually affect their confidence.

Introverts tend to feel overstimulated in large groups or high energy situations. They often choose one-on-one interactions or solitude instead.

A confident introvert may not speak up all that much, but it’s likely because of the effort and energy needed in order to make themselves heard, rather than because of fear or self-doubt.

Some popular psychologists have characterized introverts as people whose energy tends to expand through reflection and dwindle during interaction.

-Wikipedia

Introverts often find themselves drained after spending time around others. They recharge, so to speak, through solitude, reflection, and quiet time. We live in a mentally stimulating world, and as introverts process everything through their thinking, too much time out in the world can be exhausting.

Are You Shy or Introverted?

Shyness is a fear of other peoples’ reactions, comments or judgements. Introversion is a preference for spending time in solitude and has nothing to do with feeling fearful of others. So, how can you tell whether you thrive in solitude or are avoiding others because of insecurity?

How do you feel when you are around others? Pay attention to the cues your body and mind may be sending. Do you feel anxious, is your heart beating quickly, do you feel nervous or tense? Do you worry and overthink about what you want to say? Do you stay quiet because you believe what you have to say won’t matter? These are all likely indications that you’re shy, and dealing with some insecurity and low self-confidence.

On the other hand, are you more interested in observing, listening and watching others? Do you offer your opinions or thoughts when it matters to you, without feeling fear of how another might respond? Do you enjoy one-on-one interactions instead of large groups, solely because you feel you can have a deeper and more meaningful conversation? Do you prefer solitude and/or quiet environments? If this sounds more like you, then you’re likely introverted.

Shyness and introversion can and do in many cases, overlap. Feeling insecure and shy can lead a person to live a more introverted life. Withdrawing from social interactions more and more because they incite anxiety and nervousness.

And vice versa, introverts may become shyer over time because they constantly hear the message that something is wrong with them for being introverted and preferring solitude.

Feeling Misunderstood

Though it can be extremely difficult to shut out the world’s opinions on being introverted, it can be the best thing you do for yourself. Most of society has decided that one way of being is better than the other, namely being an outgoing extrovert will get you further in life than being a quiet introvert.

It can be equally as frustrating to be a confident introvert but thought to be shy or insecure instead.

It’s inherently annoying to be misunderstood, to be told that you’re something that you’re not. Anyone who has walked down the street deep in thought and been instructed by a stranger to smile—as if he were depressed, rather than mentally engaged—knows how maddening this is.

-Susan Cain

As you detach yourself from outside opinions and validation, pay attention to what works and what doesn’t work for you. Align yourself with activities, people, and careers that allow you to embrace your introvert qualities, rather than downplay them. There are many valuable perks to functioning as an introvert.

Overcoming Shyness

Truthfully, shyness can make your life uncomfortable, and lead you to feel isolated, lonely and deeply insecure. It can be hugely limiting, preventing you from pursuing things and creating a life you truly enjoy. Learning to feel confident in yourself, embracing who you are, and trusting that you have amazing insights, energy, and light to offer those around you is an important part of anyone’s life journey.

So if you find yourself struggling with being an anxious or shy introvert, some self-reflection may be helpful to you. Journaling, taking care of your physical health, stretching your comfort zone, pursuing your passions, all these are amazing ways to begin building confidence in yourself.

Ask yourself what it means to you to feel confident? Because confidence looks different on everyone. Think about the times you did feel confident in yourself, what were you doing, with who, where? Explore common themes behind when confidence did show up for you. And make the effort to do more things that bring you joy and excite you, because these activities will naturally bring out your confident side.

As a shy introvert, my goal isn’t to become a confident extrovert but a confident introvert.

-Unknown

While introversion and shyness may look the same in many ways, they are actually very different characteristics.

Shy people feel nervous, anxious or even afraid around others due to deep insecurity and self-doubt. They usually want to join in with others but are afraid to. Shyness can be limiting and hold you back from living the life you actually want to live.

Introversion is not a flaw, does not need to be fixed, and rather needs to be understood and embraced. Introverts enjoy alone time and can feel drained after spending time with others. They love activities like reading, writing, drawing, or daydreaming.

An introvert will always be an introvert. But a shy person can become more confident.