Anxiety Tingz

Thoughts racing uncontrollably. I got so much to accomplish yet I don’t fully understand where to begin. I’m nervous, anxious, ready, & even more TIRED. How should one change without proper guidance? Many chances that I have had to change into a better me has been taken & I have most def changed. Although positive, I still remain stuck in a time zone that I cannot escape. It’s like trying to get to the light, but instead you keep getting yanked back the closer you get. It’s worth the fight, but being 25 only makes this the beginning to my end. I just wanna end on a positive aspect, raise my kids & be successful. Whole time, I want my lil sister next to me conquering life.

Pencil & pad thoughts running through my mind. Kinda like fireworks & explosions bringing joy to my conscious. It’s one of the many ways I can control my inner beast. Music has always been life to me. Mainly because I love art & that’s what it’s a form of. Coloring, drawing, you know.

Ocean breezes play as I write. Therapeutic. Something to help make sense of life. Candles burning. Sweet Mango & Strawberry feel the surrounding area easing my body. Inner Peace. A few deep breaths in & out. Text message pops up & my peace is almost shattered. At this point I’m pissed off. Body filled with rage. I spark my pharmaceuticals. Inner Peace. Meditation is Love, it’s reconnecting with yourself mentally. Self Love. Means everything. You can have everything in the world that you desire, but if you’re not prepared mentally with negative energy that’ll throw itself at you, you won’t make it. You NEED Self Love.

What is self love? Self love is. . . . It’s waking up smiling for no reason. Feeling warm & fuzzy, but also feeling like the baddest Bish ever. It’s having self awareness . Self love is having the mental stability to get up in the morning & brush your teeth, comb your hair, & eat decent meals throughout the day. Self love takes time. With anxiety levels with different focuses, it makes self love easy to lose & hard to maintain. How can one begin to keep what they yearn the most? Patience. Faith. Attitude.

Easier said than done. Playing chess with your alter ego can be tricky. You know you, but you also want change. Confidence. The Queen to the chess game. Breathe in & out. Puff A few times. Inhale Steadily & Release. Mind still a little heavy. My spirit doesn’t wanna rest. Damn. I feel relaxed but this specific feeling I can’t shake.

Opens text message. Hmmm. Let me get this off my mental. Caring about a person sometimes makes you vulnerable. But is this one of the changes you need? Friendship? I rock best by myself. Most people label me “boujie”. I’m not though. Real life I’m coo & laid back. You just gotta break through that barrier. Most times I could careless what people think. I’m human, naturally I have some thoughts. But not enough to spark a nerve. I say what I say & mean it. Period. Whenever I go against my word or give-in, people get to underestimating.

I learned the hard way, you gotta step everytime. Play that role get touched. Inner peace. Text message isn’t that harsh. It’s outta love, either they gone accept or they ain’t. I didn’t even go in like I should have cause respect is earned. Thoughts becoming a little more together. Pause. Breathe innnnn & ouuutttt. Woosah. Inner Peace.

Self Love. Patience. Quality Time. Inner Peace. Stability. Traveling. Shows. Collaborations. Money. Friendship. Goals.